Is the Ex wife taking the pi**???

[Glitterzzz]

Hello

My partner has two children with his ex wife and they have a great close relationship. He sees them very often and pays maintenance each month with fail. On top of this he pays for his eldest daughters bus pass and on a weekly basis he will buy them things they need like school clothing, shoes, trainers, replacing broke school bags, smashed iPhone screens and so on. He also provided a phone for each girl and pays their monthly phone bills for their contract.

His ex wife has texted asking for more maintenance. She works as does my partner. She has claimed it needs to go up as she’s had to buy a lot of clothes lately which is just hilarious when last week he had to buy his eldest clothing as she didn’t have any summer / warmer weather clothes.

His ex is super tight. She refused to get them a phone ( both teenagers) she shops second hand for their shoes and they both obviously have limited clothes. The girls know there is no chance of getting anything branded or modern from mum so they turn to the bank of Dad and he pays it all.

This isn’t the girls fault.

The mum has never offered to pay half towards anything he has contributed. Would like to make it clear these haven’t been luxury little gifts they have been things that are needed ( one didn’t have the right sports footwear for PE the other had holes on her shoes ) his ex has never thanked or acknowledged anything extra he provides and he provides a lot on a weekly basis on top of the maintenance.

She was in Milan last month and just returned home from a week away this weekend and now he has this message. He has said he won’t pay her anything else ( hasn’t told her yet ) but I’m thinking there’s a small chance he might.

It’s his money but he works bloody hard 60 plus hours a week trying to make a better life and is in no way financially comfortable .

Is this a piss take ?

£100 per week for two teenagers? Catch yourself on love.

It really boils my piss when women encourage men to do the bare minimum to support the human beings that these men decided to create.

How much do you think he will be offering you in maintenance when you inevitably have a child together and then split up? Would you feel happy with your child being offered the legal minimum that he can get away with?

(I'm saying this as the child of a divorced marriage who never got a penny of maintenance, ever.)

If he is supposed to only £40 but pays £400 plus £200 for different things in the month, then I wouod wonder if the £40 is right.

Mainly because to be paying £40 a month in maintenance, he would need to spend most of his income on the CM plus extras.

Are you saying that yur DP hardly participate in the running if your house together?

Sorry that was £40 a week....

There are two parents so it's not 100a week it's 200 eg 100 from him and 100 from his ex wife as they are supossed to both contribute.
It's up to him what he can afford but perhaps luxary items could be put aside for everyday costs and that way everything would seem fairer?

How much do you think he will be offering you in maintenance when you inevitably have a child together and then split up? Would you feel happy with your child being offered the legal minimum that he can get away with

clearly not bitter at all
hes not paying the legal minimum though is he? read the thread!

Well we do have a child together. And after 4 years we are shortly going to get married. So you know... quite hopeful we learned enough in our first marriages to make this one work 😂 I do not begrudge anything he gives to support his children but financially we cannot afford to increase and looking at the whole picture I don’t think he should but if he chooses too then that’s his choice ...

I have my own child maintenance arrangement with my ex for our son. It’s fair and I have never asked or expected he will pick up the tab for extras such as school shoes and clothing fit for the weather ... my partner doesn’t receive child
Benefit or working tax credits topping up like she does. She works part time in a fairly good paid job yet it’s asusmed he can cover the costs of everything extra they need and I don’t think it’s fair.

the biggest costs being accommodation (2 extra bedrooms in this case, something you don’t provide I imagine)
Why would you imagine this? Do you think the kids are made to sleep on the sofa when they stay with Dad? My DSD has her own bedroom at our house, same as our soon-to-arrive DC will. We have had to get a bigger house that we otherwise would too, housing costs apply to both sides of the equation whether your are the RP or the NRP.

*when you inevitably have a child together and then split up?
Again, why is this inevitable?

It really boils my piss when women encourage men to do the bare minimum
He's clearly not doing the bare minimum though, is he? Nor is OP encouraging him to do so It must have been horrible growing up if that was your experience but I don't understand what has given you that impression in this case.

I think a lot of posters are missing the fact that it is also the mothers job to pay half of the cost of the children!

£800 a month for two children is a decent amount and plenty to live on. Take into account any benefits the children would be entitled too and the fact their DF pays for phone bills/travel costs I really cannot see why people think it’s not enough?

a contribution of £400 a month means he earns about £680 a week before tax. If he's working 60+ hours a week is he really only earning £11 an hour?

Why is that hard to believe? My DP only earns £10.50 an hour and pay is £409 and after deductions and pension he only brings home £325. He pays £50 wk for one teenager which is slightly more than the £48 on the CM calculator.

OP I think she's taking the piss too. He seems to pay plenty if you aren't exactly flush to start with

£11 an hour is 40% above the national minimum wage and is only a bit under the national average. Wonder if all the posters saying £400 a month is nothing are all on quite high wages and so don't realise that this is a lot of money to a lot of people? People raise teenagers on benefits or on minimum wage jobs, not saying it's an easy life or anything but it's reality for a lot of families.

If your h is paying CMS minimum plus extras like shoes then she is taking the piss.

If the total of Child Maintenance and extras like shoes is equal to or less than CMS minimum then he's taking the piss. This is because child maintenance is for the RP to use as they as deem fit- the money might be better spent in ways other than branded shoes and iPhones iyswim.

I think he is already doing his fair share.

People need to realise that she is also being compensated by the government for being a single parent.

I wonder if the girls lived with their dad if she would hand over 400 per month plus pay for all the extras.

The children come to stay in all the holidays and half terms and are here for dinner and things during the weekdays.

Here's your problem OP. Only overnights "count". Could you persuade the girls to live with you 50% of the time? Then you will pay zero maintenance.

the biggest costs being accommodation (2 extra bedrooms in this case, something you don’t provide I imagine)

Well she could always downsize the house and the girls share 1 bedroom if having the extra bedroom is proving too expensive. That way she will save money.

Happypoobum has made three posts about my past posts when having issues with my Dp, and no child

No I haven't - you can't count. Maybe that is why you are having difficulty with this maintenance stuff. Adding single figures isn't too tricky for most people.

It's normal to AS someone when they make a really goady post, to see if they are just trying to cause a shitstorm. I could see you were a genuine poster, and could then see that you have posted recently about being extremely unhappy in your relationship.

I believe the two things could be linked - your relationship unhappiness, which I don't blame you for in the least, and your dissatisfaction with the maintenance your DP is paying.

If you say they are not remotely linked, then fine, that's what you believe. Your anger at me is missdirected. I mean you no harm. I just don't think you are giving posters the full story here and you would probably have received far more positive responses if you had been honest about your situation.

Yawn ^^

If I cannot count perhaps you cannot read? One previous post about my issues with my partner which aren’t related to child maintenance with his ex wife is not related to this post yet multiple times you kept mentioning my previous post encouraging others to look it up? I can count actually... one sad bitch ... look it’s you ...

my partner doesn’t receive child Benefit or working tax credits topping up like she does. She works part time in a fairly good paid job yet it’s asusmed he can cover the costs of everything extra they need and I don’t think it’s fair.

How can you know the exact details of her financial situation? In what 'normal' set up would you need to know the income of your partner's Ex? That's far too much over-investment in her situation.

The reality is, he chose to have children with this woman and frankly, he therefore has to step up and provide. Not everything, not 100%, but all this logging of "he bought this, he bought that" can't be doing any of you any good. Ex and I both buy DS1 clothes; if he's out shopping he'll pick bits up, if he takes him away on holiday he'll ask if I can chuck some stuff together and he'll put in the rest. If he needs a haircut he'll take him for one as often as I'l take him. He'll buy him new shoes when he needs them if he spots them looking scruffy, or I'll buy them if I have time before Ex does. It's what parents do. If he was still with his Ex he'd be contributing far more than £470 a month so it's hardly as though he's out of pocket.

Happypoobum Why are you bringing up old posts? Are you that bored? Who has the time to search posting history, and why?? Your search confirmed that OP wasn't a troll (which is your claimed motivation) so why mention her other posts at all?

How can you know the exact details of her financial situation? In what 'normal' set up would you need to know the income of your partner's Ex? That's far too much over-investment in her situation

I know what dps ex earns down to the last penny but that's because the CMS put it on their letters (She pays us)

however, its really not hard to estimate what someone earns if you know what job they do is it? That's not being overinvested.

Sorry for derailing your thread OP, it just pisses me off big time when someone AS and then brings up previous posts. Are we supposed to award them with a trophy because they can search? Do they want to appear smart and Sherlocky? If an OP wanted certain details in their original post they would have put them in OBVIOUSLY.

Why are some people incapable of commenting on the post as it is written??

If he was still with his Ex he'd be contributing far more than £470

Would he though? My opinion is that running a house (so rent/bills) has to be done by both sides regardless of who the children spend the most overnights with, so CM is a contribution towards expenses like clothes, food, clubs etc. If each parent is expected to contribute, then that's £940 a month on clothes, food and activities for 2 kids. That's a lot on most peoples budgets. There's no way we'll spend anywhere near that (£470 a month per kid) when ours is a teenager - we just don't earn that kind of money!

It's what parents do
OP says that they do buy extras for the kids as and when they are needed. He does 'step up and provide' as you put it. The question was whether they should raise the regular maintenance again, given they already pay above minimum in addition to the extras OP has mentioned.

There has to be a limit somewhere. No-one has a bottomless wallet.

OP you still have not confirmed that he is paying the correct amount according to the CMS calculator!
It's a two minute job! As long as you are both open about finances (as I'm sure you will be, as you plan for your second marriage) then what's stopping you from checking his contribution amount?

If the ex is demanding more then yes she's taking the piss.

Your dp buying the kids branded trainers and iphones says more about what he thinks they should be having rather than what is a true reflection of what is seems EITHER of your households can afford.

I really hate these threads where people are criticising mothers who dare to receive more than the bare minimum in maintenance for their children.

I have 3 children. Their father left me for OW. He is a very high earner, such that the CMS minimum payment is over £1200 per month. Yes, I could manage on less (I also work), but why shouldn't my children benefit from their high earning father, just because he left? Why should they not have nice things, just like they would if he were still here?

And cost of housing is an issue. Before I married I had a small, cheap to run house. But that kind of house is not adequate for a family. So the housing does cost extra over and above what I need for myself. And the utilities are also higher. His house is smaller, because he does not have the children the majority of the time.

Isn't 400 a month only 25 per child per week, I only read the first 2 pages on pp saying 50 per child.