Is the Ex wife taking the pi**???

[Glitterzzz]

Hello

My partner has two children with his ex wife and they have a great close relationship. He sees them very often and pays maintenance each month with fail. On top of this he pays for his eldest daughters bus pass and on a weekly basis he will buy them things they need like school clothing, shoes, trainers, replacing broke school bags, smashed iPhone screens and so on. He also provided a phone for each girl and pays their monthly phone bills for their contract.

His ex wife has texted asking for more maintenance. She works as does my partner. She has claimed it needs to go up as she’s had to buy a lot of clothes lately which is just hilarious when last week he had to buy his eldest clothing as she didn’t have any summer / warmer weather clothes.

His ex is super tight. She refused to get them a phone ( both teenagers) she shops second hand for their shoes and they both obviously have limited clothes. The girls know there is no chance of getting anything branded or modern from mum so they turn to the bank of Dad and he pays it all.

This isn’t the girls fault.

The mum has never offered to pay half towards anything he has contributed. Would like to make it clear these haven’t been luxury little gifts they have been things that are needed ( one didn’t have the right sports footwear for PE the other had holes on her shoes ) his ex has never thanked or acknowledged anything extra he provides and he provides a lot on a weekly basis on top of the maintenance.

She was in Milan last month and just returned home from a week away this weekend and now he has this message. He has said he won’t pay her anything else ( hasn’t told her yet ) but I’m thinking there’s a small chance he might.

It’s his money but he works bloody hard 60 plus hours a week trying to make a better life and is in no way financially comfortable .

Is this a piss take ?

WTF with trying to blame the mum for how she spends her money?!?

The whole point of the thread is IS THE OP'S DP PAYNG WHAT HE SHOULD BE?

Until she answers that - by using the really simple online calculator then we have no idea if the ex wife IBU or not!

I wish we got free dinners - also DD1 will have a packed lunch but also likes a dinner - teenagers want hot food - and all three kids have no place to stop packed lunches to keep them cold

We let them choose - and we split the cost between us - because that works for us

store! sorry

If they weren't at school, you would have to give them lunch/snacks anyway, which would come out of the food budget, which CM contributes too. I'm honestly confused about the 'school dinners cost hundreds a month' comments to prove the Dad doesn't pay enough

actually I think the point of the thread is the OP is pissed off at her partner for being a decent dad and paying for things above and beyond the minimum - which is a shame - and blaming it all on his kids mother - also a shame

If they weren't at school, you would have to give them lunch/snacks anyway, which would come out of the food budget, which CM contributes too. I'm honestly confused about the 'school dinners cost hundreds a month' comments to prove the Dad doesn't pay enough

yes Holly but I can feed them all lunch for less than £9

actually I think the point of the thread is the OP is pissed off at her partner for being a decent dad and paying for things above and beyond the minimum - which is a shame - and blaming it all on his kids mother - also a shame

Don't get that impression at all. Every family has a limit and a budget. I worry about money constantly.

@A4710Rider unless you're earning £35-£40k a year then you're not paying for it as you're not a net contributor (eg you're using more resources paid for by tax than you're paying in)

Kaytee,

I am.

"He is paying £470 a month on a low income which is plenty considering ExW is receiving child benefit and tax credits and only works part-time. If she wants more money she should work full-time."

Typically not:

Income tax = 20%, national insurance = 12%, tax credit withdrawal = 41%. Total effective 'tax' 73%.

Plus possibly housing benefit withdrawal as well (if applicable)

Though it does depend:

• Working tax credit threshold = 16 hours
• NI threshold = £8060/year, which is just below 20 hours/week at NMW, obviously less at higher pay
• Income tax threshold = £11850, or 30 hours a week
• Tax credit withdrawal threshold = £6420 = 16 hours a week
• WTC bonus (£810) threshold = 30 hours

So roughly, at NMW:

first 16 hours - £12.53/hour effective hourly rate

THEN
next 4 hours = £4.62/hour (subject to TC withdrawal)
next less than 10 hours after that = £3.68/hour (subject to TC withdrawal & NI)
OR
next exactly 14 hours = £4.95/hour (subject to TC withdrawal, NI, a small amount of IT, and 30-hour bonus)

THEN
further hours (beyond 30 hours/week) £2.11/hour

So it doesn't make sense for her to work full-time. Particularly as you can't necessarily just add hours, it's one or the other.

(note that if she is working a term-time contract, then the 30-hour bonus becomes more attractive, as your hours are considered based on the hours worked during term-time, not pro rate.)

@A4710Rider then you're unusual amongst the net contributors that I know. All of them think they're fortunate and don't begrudge the people on lower incomes receiving help 🤷🏼‍♀️
I say that as someone whose never receive any benefits btw, we don't even get cb. Don't begrudge other people though, we're very lucky.

You said you have them in the holidays and at half term, what about weekends?

FASH84 Mon 04-Jun-18 10:37:09
Bills, rent, food, activities, is more than £50 a week per child, without things like coffees, school uniforms, trips etc. Could you raise a teenager on that?

What do children need coffee for? Is that a typo?

then you're unusual amongst the net contributors that I know. All of them think they're fortunate and don't begrudge the people on lower incomes receiving help

Oh do me a fecking favour. I worked my arse off to get to this position. I was called out on Friday morning at 5am and was called out again last night at 6pm. I'm not "fortunate"

People who get paid for 5 days work for only doing 3 actual days are the fortunate ones!

That's the problem isn't it - people have a mindset that people on benefits are unfortunate and people who work hard are fortunate.

I don't think OP has any idea how much her DP earns, which is part of the problem.

"Caitlin your calcations are wrong.

Yes she has more than a single mother who doesn’t receive CM. But then do you really want to take that as the basis of what is OK???"

If she was still living with the ex, his income wouod come. And she would not be with £400 LESS because his income (the other 80% of it) would come into it. And also because she wouldn’t get the whole responsibility for paying for food etc... and nor wouod they need to pay for two houses.
So no, she doesn’t have £400 more than if she was living with the ex. She is NOT RICHER by being single mum than living with her ex (otherwise, you wonder why people would bother to stay together really)"

I didn't say at any point she was better off living apart.

We don't have any way to judge this as we don't know their past situation. Potentially she was not working when they were living together.

The OP has said that the XH is paying £400/month. The CMS rate is 16% for two children. £400/16*12 = £30k/year

The OP has said the XH is a low-paid job.

It is likely that does NOT earn £30k/year.

It seems that the XH is paying plenty.

Haytee,

You're such a CF.

The children are 11 and 13

He’s only paying 400/mth for 2 girls plus an extra 60/mth for luxuries they don’t need? Wow. If only everyone could raise children so cheaply

Isn’t the person with full custody (the mother in this case) supposed to spend money to support the children as well?

£400 a month isn't a lot when you consider the cost of having extra bedrooms, extra utility payments, grocery bills, school extras for classes and activities, after-school care or clubs, school trips etc. Sorry. Not enough to cover half of the cost of two teenagers by any stretch of the imagination. No wonder the mum is buying second-hand clothes and making shoes last as long as possible.

It's all very well to be the non-resident parent who swans in and buys the 'nice' things like a phone, brand-new clothes etc, but there are also more mundane expenses that have to be paid for and don't get the same kudos from teenagers!

The statutory minimum child maintenance percentage is a joke; just because some single parents are surviving with very minimal maintenance from the other parent doesn't mean that everyone should. Morally they are your DH's children too and if he's a good person he should want to step up.

@Charolais ... could you live on £230 per month? Thought not. Clearly the mother is spending a lot of her own money to support the children too!

Happy poo bum or whatever her username wants to keep highlighting my previous posts 😂😂😂 yes I’ve complained about my DH one time in a previous post and what? This issue is a new one and about an area that really isn’t for me to get involved but we are a family unit and extra money out is a stress to all of us when he doesn’t have it to start with... you have way too much time on your hands if you can go back to a posters previous posts and then try to use them against them ... saddo

To be fair here there is nothing to suggest the girls father doesn't want o pay up whatever he can.

It's OP that has a problem with it.

But then again she really doesn't like her DP very much. (Advanced Search is your friend)