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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend called me lazy - aibu?

277 replies

VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:01

So im going to an event held by my DP's family.

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

DP is much more image conscious than me.

He asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed him my dress and said "you have a choice: either you can be the guy who turns up with a girl in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

So he's ironing it.

Friend was here for this and said it was one of the laziest things she had heard it a long time and kept going on about my "poor" DP. Hmm

AIBU?

The point was i dont give a shit if the dress is creased.

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 03/06/2018 07:55

It’s funny how a lot of people who treat their partners like shit pass it off as a joke when they’re called out on it, isn’t it?
That's my gut instinct too.
See also students at school belittling each other and being unkind, but it's ok because when challenged ny staff or reported by other students it was a 'joke' or 'banter' and according to the 'jokers' child being belittled knows it's a joke and hasn't said anything so obviously it wasn't taking the piss at all.

How about all the threads on here where men 'joke' about tjeir wives and partners, when men make passive aggressive 'jokes' about the house when they get in from work. Guess they're all ok too.

It's still odd that multiple people are acting like the issue here is a man picking up an iron or comparing tbos situation to a woman ironing a shirt for their partner. It's not about who did some ironing; it's the attitude towards someone else.

SoddingUnicorns · 03/06/2018 08:36

It's not about who did some ironing; it's the attitude towards someone else

That was my immediate impression, hence the snarky reply from OP who clearly didn’t like it.

People who speak to their partners like shite and then pass it off as a joke are always surprised when their partner has had enough and fucks off. It’s not hard to be decent, and kind. Well it shouldn’t be anyway.

winnieofwhitby · 03/06/2018 09:01

I agree it's the way that you asked.

Dh does all of my ironing. I probably wouldn't have needed to ask him to iron it as he would just do it. Or if I did ask I would've just said "please could you iron my dress?".

If your friend hadn't been present, would you have used the same tone?

MaisyPops · 03/06/2018 09:32

Exactly. Even after people had said it's not on, thr OP ititially said essentially 'it's his problem he can iron it for me'. It only becomes a 'joke' on the 2nd page after most people have said it's a shitty way to speak to someone.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 03/06/2018 09:59

No YANBU.
I never iron. Creased does bother me when wearing a dress, I tend to put it up on the back of kitchen door knowing DP will iron it. Same as DP will fill the sink with water knowing I will wash up.
I think your friend was shocked at the way you said it. But, if it is the way you and your DP communicate things and it works for you then I can't see the problem!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/06/2018 10:05

He asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed him my dress and said "you have a choice: either you can be the guy who turns up with a girl in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

Can't believe that some posters are ok with what the OP said above.

Would you be ok with your husbands talking to you like that?

Olddear · 03/06/2018 10:11

Showing off in front of her friend really.

Mookie81 · 03/06/2018 10:19

So many people on here are hard of thinking.
It is NOT about her husband ironing for her.
It's the shitty attitude and the way she spoke to him, now passed off as a 'joke' when OP gets pulled up on her shittiness.
She could have said 'I hate ironing can you do it please?' No problem.
She showed a lack of respect for him and for the family and event by saying she was going creased and not giving a shit and bank g on his discomfort with that to iron it.
If a wife or girlfriend came on here and said her boyfriend or husband had said what OP had there would be uproar. It's funny how many women on here like to call themselves feminists but are happy to perpetuate shitty double standards.

BlondeB83 · 03/06/2018 11:10

Sounds like a bizarre thing to tell your friend.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 03/06/2018 12:24

Or you could see it as him being embarrassed by her, which is his issue, not hers. So she is taking the view that if he is ashamed of how she presents herself, he can fix the problem?

PorkFlute · 03/06/2018 12:53

I also agree with op that the op clearly did care about the dress being created or she wouldn’t have bothered manipulating her partner into ironing it. She’d have just worn it creased and said nothing. That’s probably why the friend thought it was lazy.

SoddingUnicorns · 03/06/2018 14:15

Or you could see it as him being embarrassed by her, which is his issue, not hers

Did she say anywhere that he wouldn’t take her, or that he’d make a fuss about it?

Also, speaking to your partner like shite and then passing it off as a joke is a crappy thing to do. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who was so self absorbed and shitty with me.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 03/06/2018 16:13

He didn't say he wouldn't take her, but clearly how she looked mattered more to him than her and therefore he ironed her dress. It implies he would have been ashamed to take her in a creased dress.
In his position I wouldn't have ironed it, but then I wouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed if my dh wore a creased shirt.

SoddingUnicorns · 03/06/2018 17:22

@IWannaSeeHowItEnds why are you so determined to make him the bad one? If my DP spoke to me the way OP spoke to hers, we wouldn’t be a couple. And the fact that she can’t be arsed to make an effort for her supposed “D” H speaks volumes.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/06/2018 17:32

I haven't read the rest of the thread OP but I would take somebody else if I were your DP. That's no way to speak to anybody.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 03/06/2018 17:35

No, you’re not being unreasonable. I don’t iron...unless it’s a wedding or funeral. If my DP wanted me to wear something ironed then he’d have to iron it himself. There are lots of things he doesn’t care about that I do for him— vegetables with dinner being an example.

Not ironing isn’t lazy.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 03/06/2018 17:37

Not ironing isn’t lazy

Not ironing something that needs ironing is very lazy.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 03/06/2018 17:44

@greatduckcookery “very lazy” dear god! You’re so extreme!

So glad I live in the real world. TBH - neither my DP or me are stuck up or prissy...we accept each other as we are. On the odd occasion we haven’t liked what the other wore we have usually just laughed about it and got over it. I could give AF what he’s dressed like.

hertsfem55 · 03/06/2018 17:50

Very funny, if your dress is clean, what does it matter if it’s creased or not. When I worked for a West end studio, we went to lots of party’s with people of all ages and the attire people wore was clean but rarely ironed and a I never iron to this day don’t have an iron.
Everything goes in the tumble dryer and I fold it soon as it’s done.
So good for you.

marjorie25 · 03/06/2018 17:55

It's called "Respect", what your friend was telling you was that you showed your husband none.

Jezebel101 · 03/06/2018 17:59

That was a completely obnoxious way to speak to him, doubly so because it was in front of someone. Don't iron all you want, but it's nice to put someone else first sometimes and do things just because it makes them happy.

Life might be too short for ironing, but it's way too short to stay with someone who speaks to someone like they're nothing.

Angel75 · 03/06/2018 18:00

Anything I find that needs ironing goes in the tumble dryer for a couple of mins, problem solved without having to get the iron out!

Jaxhog · 03/06/2018 18:12

If you were only joking, why put it on AIBU? It sounds to me like you're rather proud of your lack of effort. Is it really so much of a shag to make the effort for your DP?

My guess is that you'll be the exGF pretty soon.

Bibesia · 03/06/2018 18:13

It was stupid of the friend to assume you were lazy, and it's even more stupid for people on here to make the same judgment, given that we none of us know what else she does around the home. For all we know ironing is the only part of the housework load that she doesn't do.

Boulty · 03/06/2018 18:22

yep you a slob but if he doesn't mind being your doormat and running around after you crack on...

He may eventually get fed up and find someone else or you have a permanent helper ….

sad that you couldn't be 'bothered' to make an effort for a family party but each to their own

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