Friend called me lazy - aibu?

[VogueVVague]

So im going to an event held by my DP's family.

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

DP is much more image conscious than me.

He asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed him my dress and said "you have a choice: either you can be the guy who turns up with a girl in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

So he's ironing it.

Friend was here for this and said it was one of the laziest things she had heard it a long time and kept going on about my "poor" DP.

AIBU?

The point was i dont give a shit if the dress is creased.

I rarely iron, but if it’s a shirt or trousers I will. I wouldn’t expect my wife to do it and she wouldn’t expect me to do hers either.

By pointing out he could be the guy turning up with his wife un a creased dress you were fully conscious this wouldn’t be acceptable, therfor he’d do it. If you truly didn’t care you wouldn’t have said anything.

By pointing out he could be the guy turning up with his wife un a creased dress you were fully conscious this wouldn’t be acceptable, therfor he’d do it. If you truly didn’t care you wouldn’t have said anything
This ^^
It's using DH's potential embarrassment to get him to do tasks for her that is quite unreasonable.

Whilst as a friend I probably wouldn't have said anything, I would feel very awkward and a bit if I was party to someone speaking towards their OH on that way and more so if they brushed it off as being 'banter' or a 'joke'. It's all a bit passive agressive but then claim it's fine because i was only joking. It would show me a side of a friend that I wouldn't like much (and would probablt have me on guard for passive aggressive 'joke' bitchy comments in future interactions too).

It was joke! What she was saying was "could you iron my dress for me darling" but in joke form, which was how her dh took it.

Seems fine to me.

I don't iron. I stopped when I became too disabled to do it but dh wanted things ironed (even his jeans - he doesn't iron the any more thank god). He did all his own before we met, and while I did a few shirts for him once I never did it again because he pretended to all his mates that I always did them and then their wives hated me!

He won't iron my stuff though. Most of my clothes are non-iron type, but one or two nice things have crept in. Luckily, I am much recovered and can do a little.

Mainly I just pull the creases out when they're damp and that's good enough.

Weird, I had an ironing a dress conversation today too which involved my husband.

My Mom said I should iron the dress I was wearing. I said I didn't care, because we were just going to a casual get together with family (and the design of the dress is meant to be a bit crinkled), and that the only way it was getting ironed was if my husband did it. He was ironing his own clothes at the time, he said I looked good in the dress so we carried on.

If he'd offered to iron it I guess that would make me lazy too.

You are lazy about ironing. As am I. I’m sure there’s plenty of things you’re not lazy about.

next time: coat hanger, hang in bathroom while you shower. that'll do.

LeighaJ
Nope it wouldn't make ypu lazy because you weren't bothered, he offered.

Different to 'i can't be arsed so you should do it for me' (and I'll be passive agressive about it in a jokey way in front of my friend).

I also am not a massive fan of ironing either by the way.

I don't usually iron at all but I'd iron it. I wouldn't expect OH to do it, he does his own ironing. If it was a special event I'd iron it because I know if I didn't his family would be looking at me and judging me for being a lazy bitch who can't be bothered to iron and doesn't care what she looks like. OH knows they're like that, and he would challenge them if anything was said, but I wouldn't make a family occasion awkward for him just for the sake of not ironing one dress.

So...you're lazy with ironing, so what?

I'm sure he's lazy about other things and you pick up the slack for him?

As long as it's give and take and you're both happy it's fine.

We didnt iron day to day, but for an event we would, and I suspect we are now going to have to acquaint ourselves with the iron because I just bought a new washer dryer and things come out creased. When we just hung our stuff to dry we didn't need to iron.

But if DP had said that to me if have something to say. If he wants me to do something, he asks nicely like a normal person.

You sound quite childish tbh and very rude. You're lucky he ironed it and didn't let you go looking like a state and then told everyone what you said.

Why bother doing your hair and makeup if you not going to bother getting the creases out of your clothes? Why not go for the full "hedge backwards" look?

Actually. DH is the least lazy person I know. Much much less lazy than me. I iron his clothes if we are going out because he genuinely does not give a monkeys how he looks. I prefer not to be seen with him in really creased clothes so I iron them. My choice. YANBU

Not read the whole thread but I can't really see the problem. OP doesn't give a shit if her dress is creased, but her dp does. Therefore he should iron it.
If my dh said that to me I'd tell him I don't give a shit either if his shirt has creases and therefore neither of us would do it.

*I'd

I don't iron much at all and I would like it if someone else took it upon themselves to iron my dress, but I don't understand why you would presumably be willing to go to the trouble of doing hair, makeup, and wearing high heels and a dress that was wrinkled, if your DH hadn't decided to do the ironing for you.

Would you really have turned up nicely turned out except in a wrinkled dress?

That is what has happened to the British man. No wonder the country is such a mess.

What the actual....?

I don’t know if you are lazy you may have scrubbed all the floors today along with all the other housework

And you don’t like ironing the conversation seems playful

I’m always amazed how many women will pity men when they appear to maybe do more of the chores yet if it’s a women their is little pity and an attitude well you let your dp take advantage

He's ironing one dress and his own shirt. Not exactly heavy lifting, is it?

There is a difference between a man and a woman saying it, as the societal expectation is still that women do ironing and it's her failure if the male partner is badly dressed, so there's more pressure on women. I bet if the OP's partner turned up in an unironed shirt there'd be people with nothing better to do blaming her even though it is his choice to iron or not, but if the OP turned up in an unironed dress (her choice) they'd still blame her.

The ironing part is irrelevant. You were very rude to your husband.

You were rude.

Laziness is irrelevant here. The way you spoke to your husband was petulant and demanding. Nothing short of rude. If it was clear you were joking, I doubt that this would've become a thread because your friend likely wouldn't have taken issue with it.

It’s funny how a lot of people who treat their partners like shit pass it off as a joke when they’re called out on it, isn’t it?

It’s not fucking funny.

I hate Ironing so try and get away with not doing it! But if it's really creased then I would iron it! Why would you go to the bother of hair and make up then ruin the look by wearing a I'm ironed dress? Sorry but you are being lazy and a bit slobish.

Ironing really doesn't matter but...

Is it relevant that the party was to be held by your DP's family? If it had been your family would you have made the effort yourself?

Not lazy, but you can't 'look good' in creased clothes. So, not lazy, just unkempt