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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend called me lazy - aibu?

277 replies

VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:01

So im going to an event held by my DP's family.

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

DP is much more image conscious than me.

He asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed him my dress and said "you have a choice: either you can be the guy who turns up with a girl in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

So he's ironing it.

Friend was here for this and said it was one of the laziest things she had heard it a long time and kept going on about my "poor" DP. Hmm

AIBU?

The point was i dont give a shit if the dress is creased.

OP posts:
NickyNora · 03/06/2018 22:15

I would think you were lazy

BettyG66 · 03/06/2018 22:40

I hate ironing but I hate creased clothes more

Tors33 · 03/06/2018 23:28

I applause you I'm literally bowing my head ☺
My partner would look at me in disgust if I ever asked him to iron anything actually he literally does jack black
You have a good man

Bibesia · 04/06/2018 00:04

All the people going on about how lazy OP is really belong in one of those "Women, know your place" adverts. FFS, for all you know she has just worked a long week and spent all the morning on other jobs, but of course none of that counts if she didn't want to iron her dress, she must be a lazy cow.

Likewise all the horror at going out in a creased dress. It all depends on the material and how it was washed or cleaned, doesn't it? It's distinctly possible that the reality is that after 20 minutes of wearing no-one would be able to tell whether it had been ironed or not.

PorkFlute · 04/06/2018 00:31

Well it obviously did need ironing since the op gave her dh the ultimatum of ironing for her or turning up with the person in a creased dress. So clearly it would have been noticeably bad.

Bibesia · 04/06/2018 00:36

But there's creased and creased. OP clearly thought it was OK to wear the dress but was aware that her husband might not. Most clothes get creased within a very short time of being put on anyway.

MrsCD67 · 04/06/2018 00:41

It was your dress so you should have ironed it yourself just like if it had been your DP'a shirt, he should've ironed it.
However I do think your friend spoke out of turn

emmyrose2000 · 04/06/2018 04:08

It must have been very embarrassing and awkward for your friend to witness you speaking to your husband like that.

I knew a woman like that. The dreadful way she spoke to her husband was one of the reasons I cut her out of my life.

snewname · 04/06/2018 04:18

I think that this is one of this situations that have to be taken in context with the rest of your relationship.

Michellelovesizzy · 04/06/2018 05:57

you only ask him to iron a dress how long does it really take i ask my other half to make me cheese on toast last night i am i lazy 2 ??? wtf

Gennz18 · 04/06/2018 06:31

Yes it's lazy.

I hate ironing so I rarely buy things that need ironing and I don't iron DH's shirts - I think I've done it once in 15 years, from memory he had a broken arm.

If he rocked up in a crumpled shirt for a family event saying the options were for me to iron it or for him to come along looking like he'd rolled out of bed, I'd tell him not to bother coming. I'd also be seriously fucked off and we would have a barnstorming argument about his shitty attitude.

Luckily he wouldn't try such a lame stunt

Sennelier1 · 04/06/2018 07:15

Not my business if you iron or not 😊I do, but if I didn't I would have a few good choices of drip-dry crease-free clothes 😊 I own a summer-dress like that, fits rolled-up in a handbag if needed, perfect for vacations, wear-wash (in the sink
)-hang-wear again 😊

Ginger1982 · 04/06/2018 07:24

Why would you go to the trouble or getting hair and make up done and then go out in a creased dress? 🙄

Icepinkeskimo · 04/06/2018 07:31

The fact of the matter is you will never look good wearing creased clothes to an event. Your hair and make up may be immaculate, but your still going to look like a lazy slob.

An easy solution is to get an ironing service, or wear synthetic fibres.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 04/06/2018 08:48

I think the fact that you don’t care your clothes are creased going to an event is pretty weird. The fact you’re doing your makeup and hair, but can’t see the point of your dress being crease free Hmm

Icanttakemuchmore · 04/06/2018 13:50

I'd have let you go in a creased dress. You would be the one looking scruffy not your other half. If you couldn't be bothered to make an effort then that's your choice.

Bibesia · 04/06/2018 14:12

The thing is, though, that OP probably wouldn't have looked scruffy. The chances are that no-one would have noticed, because as soon as you sit down in an ironed dress it gets creased.

Olddear · 04/06/2018 15:53

But you don't sit down on it all over! You don't sit on the bodice or the sleeves....

PorkFlute · 04/06/2018 17:58

If it was going to be creased enough for others to notice and the dh to be ‘the person with the one in the creased dress’ then it was too creased for a nice event.
The op knew this and instead of having the basic decency to just ask her sh if he’d iron it decided to manipulate him into it and be really rude to him in front of her friend. Seems like she is annoyed that the friend wasn’t as impressed as she thought she would be.

Bibesia · 04/06/2018 20:38

Old dear, those bits crease all the more quickly when you bend your arms, bend over, twist around ...

PorkFlute, what part of

It was said jokingly, he took it jokingly in the spirit it was meant, he doesnt mind ironing

denotes a lack of decency and an intention to manipulate and be rude?

Olddear · 04/06/2018 20:51

Was it a linen dress??

PorkFlute · 04/06/2018 20:53

Whether it’s laughed off or not it’s still rude. Clearly the friend didn’t see it as a joke.

MaisyPops · 04/06/2018 21:52

All the people going on about how lazy OP is really belong in one of those "Women, know your place" adverts
Hardy.
We just believe that in an age of equality it's just as inappropriate for a woman to speak to a man how the OP did as it would be for a man to say 'iron my shirt or I'll go out looking a state'.
We don't think it's acceptable for men or women to belittle their partners in front of friends.
We think if a man or woman wants a job doing for them then the way to do it is to ask politely, not rely on their potential embarassment to push them into doing jobs you cba to do.
We think that a man or woman being rude to their partner is being an arse and justifying it as a 'joke' once called out on shitty attitude is like playground nastiness being explained away as 'banter'.

It isn't about the genitals of the person picking up an iron.
It's about men and women treating others with respect.
How are we 10 pages in with people going well she's only asked him to iron?

Bibesia · 04/06/2018 23:11

Joking with your partner is not belittling him.

Bibesia · 04/06/2018 23:12

It's irrelevant whether OP's friend saw it as a joke or not. Her lack of a sense of humour doesn't prove anything. The point is that her husband did.