Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Original poster

To spend Dd's birthday money

249 replies

Icantthinkofagoodname · 02/06/2018 00:01

Hi, NC'd for this as I know a few family members are on here. Dd turned 1 last week and was (very generously) given close to £200 by family and friends. A large chunk of this came from DP's family. We go on holiday next week and I mentioned to mil how I planned to change around half of Dd's birthday money in to euros to get her some nice bits while on holiday. Mil was outraged saying that the money should be going in to an account for when Dd is older and it's not ours to spend. Now fair enough if we were blowing it on ourselves but I planned to get her some nice clothes and a day in the water park with it. She already has an isa that we pay in to every week along with my siblings so she has a decent present for her 18th. I asked people not to buy her any toys for birthday as our house already looks like the closing down sale at toys r us and she really doesn't need anymore. Aibu to spend some of Dd's money even though it will be going on her?
Aplologies for the long post.

OP posts:

autumndreaming · 02/06/2018 11:48

I'm afraid I agree with your MIL - it should go into your account for her. Stuff like taking her to a water park - she's one, you will get more out of it than she will!

RainySeptember · 02/06/2018 11:52

Pinging I think there's a difference between a 6yo saying she'd like to see a show, and a 1yo who is too young to make any choices whatsoever.

She won't have to pay for entry tickets to anything at that age, so it feels wrong to use her birthday money for her parents' tickets, or clothes, or other holiday tat.

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2018 11:53

Sorry but what’s so important for DD to spend all this saved up money on at 18 or 21? Uni fees

Driving lessons, a car, books for college or school. There are many things she could use them for. However ultimately it's her money so should be her choice.

And as for the poster saying ignore anyone who says spend it and buy your daughter a pretty dress. I'd say ignore the poster who wants you to squander your kids money on clothes she will grow out of fast, buy her a pretty dress on eBay if you feel the need to buy her a pretty dress and don't wish to pay for it yourself. At least get value for her money.

unicorn56 · 02/06/2018 11:55

might have been said already, but we are going to a waterpark on our holiday and under 3s go free so you won't need to pay for her.

RainySeptember · 02/06/2018 11:58

And I'm definitely not joyless about saving money. If she gets similar for even the next five years before she starts blowing it, and her parents invest it properly, that's her first holiday abroad with friends, or driving lessons, or her first little runaround. She could blow it all on a handbag for all I'd care, but not on saving her parents a few quid when she was too young to object.

nokidshere · 02/06/2018 12:10

Omg how stupid was I spending money on my babies when they couldn't remember anything about it 😕

What a complete load of tosh. It doesn't matter if they don't remember it, I do. And I tell them about it "oh you were sooo cute at the petting farm when you were 18m, you laughed like a hyena when you saw the goats eating daddy's coat" or "you had such fun when we took you to centre parcs when you were 2 and you just loved the water rapids" they are memories too. The enjoyment I got when they experienced things for the first time, or when they were in unfamiliar places or situations and you could see their little faces trying to work out what was happening. And yes, if money was tight we used theirs.

So many joyless people on here.

Use the money OP, enjoy seeing your child enjoy being with you somewhere new, and remember to tell him all about it (with pics) when they are older because they will get pleasure from you remembering.

cadburyegg · 02/06/2018 12:12

YANBU! She is your child not your MILs and it's up to you to spend the money how you feel is appropriate. Of course going to a water park and a zoo will benefit your DD, she might not remember it but she will still benefit.

Jenasaurus · 02/06/2018 12:22

When a child is born, family and friends give presents, money etc and that includes sometimes spending it on baby clothes as the child is too small to choose what they want. At the 1st birthday, when your child already has an abundance of toys, using it to buy some 'special' clothes is not wrong, but I would probably save some of it for her as well. On the day out issue, as others have said she is too young to enjoy the water park but the zoo she may enjoy ( my son on his 1st birthday went to Monkey world and squealed with delight at the animals) I would also say though that you should send thank you notes to the people that gave the money and mention what it was spent on and include a photo too.

The fact you are asking on here means you are not just trying to take the money for yourself but genuinely curious as to others opinions if this is right.

Enjoy your holiday :)

TheGreatestHo · 02/06/2018 12:27

I had NO idea kids cash gifts were expected to go into an account of their own

To be fair I don’t think anyone who’s given my kids cash gifts expected to though? My grandmother always gave us money for them to buy a gift (suitable for them , hence why we needed to choose)
In fact it’s always been more expected that we’d go out and buy something for the child, and now they are older I let them choose whatev r they want (within reason)

OP to be honest she could have bank transferred something or stipulated what she wanted done with the cash at the time. She didn’t.

lollypop13 · 02/06/2018 12:33

I think yabu sorry. Any money we get for our DS we put in his ISA unless people say 'buy him something with it'. ILs recently returned from holiday and because they didn't get him a present they wanted us to spend £20 on him.

I don't think a water park trip is necessary and she won't remember it b

KurriKurri · 02/06/2018 12:38

I don't get the 'i would be annoyed if I'd given money andit was spent on an outing/clothes' mentality.

Do you always think you can keep control over any gift you give? If I give something, whether it's money or a gift, it then belongs to the receiver - I don't care what they do with it, it theirs to do as they please with.
And with a one year old if the parents think she'd love a bit of frivolous fun rather than saving for some much later eventuality, then that's fine by me.

And seriously do you all allow your MIL's to dictate what you or your child do with your child's money ? (she doesn't just demand it is saved, she wants to dictate how it is saved) It is nothing to do with the MIL.

The child is one - so her parents have to make decisions for her, and they are her parents and they are the judges of what is best for her at this time in her life. And OP has judged that her chid is best served at the moment by some new clothes and some fun days out. Great - that's lovely.

If I'd sent the little girl £50 and her parents said 'we took her to the zoo' I'd be chuffed to bits and would love to see photos of her having a lovely day out. Certainly better than seeing one of her sitting bemusedly chewing the corner of her ISA savings book.

thegreylady · 02/06/2018 12:38

I think that, as long as it is spent on your dd, you should spend it exactly as you like. Outings, nice clothes whatever you choose. I would spend some of of it on a photo book of the holiday including pics in the clothes and on the trips. Then she, and others, will have a lovely record of her first birthday presents.

nokidshere · 02/06/2018 12:53

^this absolutely

SoyDora · 02/06/2018 13:04

I agree with everything KurriKurri said.

Aridane · 02/06/2018 13:33

OP agrees she was being unreasonable and is going to put money in savings account

Neato · 02/06/2018 13:36

It's nobody's business but yours how you work out the family's finances. People can have their opinions but probably best to keep quiet from now on!

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2018 14:12

Yes. Because it's all about you. And not about when she's 18 or whenever and learning to drive or choosing to spend her money on something useful. I'm sure she'd be delighted to know her parents used her birthday money to pay for their entry to a water park and had a whale of a time.

RainySeptember · 02/06/2018 14:20

Wrong to pay for something that would normally be paid for out of family money imo, otherwise where would that end. Would it be ok to buy groceries with her birthday money, pay the gas bill? She eats food and needs warmth after all. Clothes for a baby should not be bought by that baby imo. She costs nothing to take into a water park, she'd literally be 'treating' her mum and dad.

Crunchymum · 02/06/2018 14:21

You and your siblings pay into her account weekly?

She got a load of presents for Easter?

Sounds a bit extreme???

deadringer · 02/06/2018 14:30

I would spend half on treats for her and save the other half for her. But ultimately it's up to you.

KurriKurri · 02/06/2018 17:10

Yes. Because it's all about you

Well no - it's not. If it were about me I'd think I had some sort of right to say what people do with my gift, - in some way still considering it to be mine even though I have gifted it. I am saying in fact that it is nothing to do with me what folk do with a gift once i have given it - it's no longer mine. it's none of my business.

Also, obviously it's not all about me because it's a fictional scenario - I don't know the child I haven't sent her £50. I just imagined it.

AllMYSmellySocks · 02/06/2018 17:21

Bluntness100

That was a very rude response. Actually if KurriKurri gave the present of £50 she gets to decide what the present is. It could be £50 to be saved for when the DD turns 18 or it could be £50 to do something nice with at the parents discretion. Both of which are perfectly nice gifts.

I would say in this situation since it's £200 which is quite a lot unless otherwise stated I'd assume it's to be saved but it's not outrageous to imagine it could be to be spent on a nice experience for DD.

mimibunz · 02/06/2018 17:26

If money were no object would you spend the baby’s money?

chickenpox100 · 02/06/2018 17:29

I absolutely spend money given to my children at Christmas and birthdays. We've bought swings, trampolines, butterfly farms, sports gear, wellies, outfits - anything the child needs and we think they would like.

I have no guilt whatsoever.

chickenpox100 · 02/06/2018 17:34

Unless specifically mentioned that the gift is for savings (which no one has ever done) I assume my children are being gifted money at birthdays or Christmas because the person wants them to enjoy a gift for their birthday (not their car in 17 years) but isn't sure what to choose.

I wouldn't be so sure about using it to pay my own way into a waterpark but I think I might use it to pay for their ticket if money was tight.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Swipe left for the next trending thread