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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend Dd's birthday money

249 replies

Icantthinkofagoodname · 02/06/2018 00:01

Hi, NC'd for this as I know a few family members are on here. Dd turned 1 last week and was (very generously) given close to £200 by family and friends. A large chunk of this came from DP's family. We go on holiday next week and I mentioned to mil how I planned to change around half of Dd's birthday money in to euros to get her some nice bits while on holiday. Mil was outraged saying that the money should be going in to an account for when Dd is older and it's not ours to spend. Now fair enough if we were blowing it on ourselves but I planned to get her some nice clothes and a day in the water park with it. She already has an isa that we pay in to every week along with my siblings so she has a decent present for her 18th. I asked people not to buy her any toys for birthday as our house already looks like the closing down sale at toys r us and she really doesn't need anymore. Aibu to spend some of Dd's money even though it will be going on her?
Aplologies for the long post.

OP posts:
fluffy0 · 02/06/2018 10:55

Of course @SoyDora but let's be honest, it's mainly for the parents benefit to have a nice day out /memory with their child. It shouldn't be paid for with the child's money.

Clarich007 · 02/06/2018 10:55

Sorry but yes YABVU.Strange you have gone NC because family members are on here.That does suggest you know it is wrong to spend her money like that.
It's her money, she won't remember a day out and will grow out of the clothes.
It should be put into her bank account or ISA.I would not be impressed if i had given savings money to find out you had spent it.

kitkatsky · 02/06/2018 10:59

If you can afford to buy her clothes/ days out it should go in savings. If you can't, you should use it for stuff she needs or ask for things she needs for her birthday. When DD was 2 I was a newly single mum and really struggling so my mum gave her new shoes for her birthday which she badly needed and I was struggling to afford. If you're struggling I think it's fine, but if you're not I'd always save it

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2018 10:59

Of course @SoyDora but let's be honest, it's mainly for the parents benefit to have a nice day out /memory with their child. It shouldn't be paid for with the child's money

Of coruse it is, they can do plenty of things that won't cost money and the one year old will enjoy just as much. She doesn't need to pay for her parents to go to thr zoo or water park.

ThisCannotBe · 02/06/2018 11:03

Christ on a bike.

Not hard to see who grew up with no childhood experiences because they were deemed a waste of money on this thread is it?!

ZispinAndChai · 02/06/2018 11:05

I think spending it would be a bit weird.

A friend of mine had her parents give a fairly large sum for their DC, with the expectation it would be put on their savings accounts. Friend and her DH took the whole family on a six week holiday, with the justification that "making memories" is more important. Predictably the GP weren't that happy, and there's a rift now. Friend could not see their point at all. It takes all kinds.

fluffy0 · 02/06/2018 11:06

No one is saying she can't have childhood experiences @ThisCannotBe but it shouldn't be paid for out of a one year old's birthday money.

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2018 11:08

Not hard to see who grew up with no childhood experiences because they were deemed a waste of money on this thread is it?!

Or maybe not hard to see who grew up where the parents paid for themselves for these "experiences" and didn't have their kid pay for them?

Or maybe not hard to see who grew up where the parents did spend any money their kid got on paying for themselves on days out, and decided they wouldn't do it to their own kid?

Or maybe not hard to see who grew up and would have appreciated a nice savings account where their parents saved all their birthday and Xmas money?

Or maybe not hard to see who grew up and had nothing and would like their own kids to have as much of a savings account as possible, and not spend the money on paying for their parents to take them out?

What do you think?

ferntwist · 02/06/2018 11:13

Sorry but what’s so important for DD to spend all this saved up money on at 18 or 21? Uni fees? It’s more manageable to pay for those through a loan to be repaid in instalments when she’s working.
Most teenagers will just spend the cash on holidays and going out anyway. She can get a part-time job then for those treats.
Enjoy it now, or at least a little bit.

Bluelady · 02/06/2018 11:16

Not hard to see who was given their birthday money to spend as they wished and still remembers the pleasure of those shopping trips decades later.

ThisCannotBe · 02/06/2018 11:20

@fluffy0 but they already said they can't afford it otherwise.

All I heard about mine's first birthday and Christmas was "he won't remember, why are you bothering, don't waste your money" etc. etc. so bloody miserly.

fluffy0 · 02/06/2018 11:21

@ThisCannotBe they can afford to go on holiday can't they? So surely they've accounted for spending money Confused

A one year old doesn't need an expansive day at the zoo or water park to be happy. A trip to the beach would be enough. Plus what can a one year old do at a water park?? The pool at the hotel will be more than enough.

Clarich007 · 02/06/2018 11:22

I've seen it all now "And if you're feeling the pinch, spend it on food "Really ? !!

ThisCannotBe · 02/06/2018 11:24

@bluelady good point, well made. But at least when I click through photo albums of my early birthdays it ain't just me sat in front of the washing machine wearing a paper bag.

For the record my money went into savings which was then pissed up the wall when I turned 18 as does my own kid's, but I certainly wouldn't have begrudged it being spent on days out and nice clothes.

fluffy0 · 02/06/2018 11:25

@ferntwist savings accounts can make a huge difference at 18 or 21 etc. Mine paid for me to go on a training course I couldn't have afforded otherwise, and driving lessons. My parents couldn't afford to help me with these things.

A savings pot can make a huge difference while at uni too. Even with a part time job, some uni students still can't afford extras.

RainySeptember · 02/06/2018 11:26

I think it would be ok to spend it on something significant, but not to fritter it away on stuff you'd normally expect parents to pay for such as clothes and tickets.

It's like that scene in the Royle Family where the Mum uses the baby's birthday money to get her highlights done because 'she likes her Mum to look nice'.

ThisCannotBe · 02/06/2018 11:27

*flick although would be click these days I guess.

Bluelady · 02/06/2018 11:29

This child has a savings account. She has an ISA. What a fucking joyless existence if every bloody penny gets saved.

QueenUnicorn · 02/06/2018 11:31

Unless the child is old enough to ask for something reasonable (not a 3 year old requesting a pony) then their money should be put into savings.

ThisCannotBe · 02/06/2018 11:39

We've dropped a hundred quid on tickets for In the Night Garden live.

My two year old won't remember it.

He doesn't remember going last year either, though it clearly was one of the greatest moments of his little life at the time.

I wouldn't have thought twice about using his birthday money for it if we'd needed to, that's hardly comparable to getting my hair done is it?

Not like me and the husband were/are excitedly looking forward to meeting Iggle Piggle ourselves is it?!

Pandora79 · 02/06/2018 11:40

This post doesn't make sense at all.

A one year old won't be charged (or if there is a charge it will be a tiny amount) for anything and clothes are what you should buy her. Fair enough if she 13 and wanted to pick out some clothes for herself.

But you are picking the clothes and using the money that's hers. Its ridiculous.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 02/06/2018 11:42

I've got photos of my DD and her grandparents at the London Aquarium,London eye,beaches,making dams in rivers.
They died when she was younger so she doesn't remember them but she knows what they did together and that everyone is smiling ,having a good time.These times are not remembered but shaped her.
Give your MIL the USA details then she can put money into that if she wants.
I do agree with not buying clothes,we were given lots of outfits by older relatives that our DD grew out of after 1 wear and charity shops are full of similar barely worn items.
You could buy her first pair of good shoes with some and MIL might like a picture of those (obviously with gd in them).
Other money from family spend how you like.Your DD won't appreciate a water park but it is the last time you will have a holiday like this as she will be a toddler next year and your holiday may be less restful.

Bluelady · 02/06/2018 11:43

You're my kind of woman, ThisCannotBe. Hope he has an amazing time.

PinguForPresident · 02/06/2018 11:43

Such miserable people on this thread!

You can't give money with conditions about what it should be spent on. the Op is hardly frittering it on fags, booze and beauty treatment.

My daughter is 9. Since she was 6 we've spent her birthday and Xmas money on tickets for West End shows. She's seen loads and has got SO much out of it. If people want to put money into her savings account, fine, go for it, but if money is given then it's spent on a mixture of stuff she likes and experience-type days out.

OP, buy your daughter a pretty dress, take her out and ignore the joyless pearl-clutchers.

MrsBartlettforthewin · 02/06/2018 11:46

At that age my DCs birthday money went into their savings unless my gran or someone specifically said buy them x with it.

Now they are older all checks going in their accounts and any cash is theirs to spend.

At one she doesn't need anything to show for her birthday, but growing her pot of saving for when older is probably what family had in mind.