To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

Would you also expect your dd to eat veggie food cooked in goose fat or gravy made out of meat sauces? This is exactly the same.

I’ve had to deal with this for 8 years now and last year my hardcore veggie went vegan which felt like return to square one. The other two have severe and different food allergies! Ideally find some dishes that everyone can eat-I.e. quorn mince in normal things is low fat and my family prefers it now, for example. It’s hard at first, and things kind of evolve in fits and starts like this. I don’t think YABU because you are having to adjust very suddenly. At my stage I can see that of course we can’t put it in the same dish, but I would have felt exactly the same as you back then - bewildered! Another trick is to keep tins of various kinds of beans and lentils, and make whatever you are doing but separate it at the end and add the meat or beans to the appropriate portions. The vegan currently subsists on tins of vegan soup, houmous with pepper and carrot sticks, and falafel.

YABU. I'm a vegetarian and probably would eat that (I hate having things go to waste), but I'd feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome. If it was a friend or relative's house, I'd likely have a quiet word afterwards, and possibly not eat there again.

Yabu, it isn’t vegetarian if cooked in the same dish as meat.

She could cook for herself at 14- I did.

But with the sort of food you’re cooking anyway, it would be virtually zero extra work to cook some veggie balls in a different pan and separate out some pasta.

I'm the cook and only veggie in my family. I cook separate meals or just substitute the main part but we have same veg etc. I would never cook meat with my food-it affects the taste. Think it would be unfair for her to have to cook her own meals. It's easy to batch cook and freeze individual meals in foil trays btw. Veggies are often treated as being difficult but it's usu others that have probs adapting to them ironically!

From a non veggie perspective though I wouldn't make the whole thing with meat substitute just because of one person. Meat to me is the best bit of the meal and the substitutes do not taste the same. I'd just do the same basic elements of the meal and make one with meat and one without.

YABU.

I’ve been vegetarian since 13 and in the 27years since this wouldn’t have met my veggie criteria. DP and my dc are not vegetarian and to complicate matters my dd is allergic to nuts/pulses/legumes/soya. We manage with multiple pans.

Well, I think that is you told... But I just wanted to post to make you feel not so alone. It wouldn't have occurred to me either. Especially as meatballs are cooked before they go in a pasta bake and just finished off in the oven. So that is me educated too.

I do think though, she needs to help with the cooking. It is massively unfair of her to make a decision (for whatever reason) and expect others to do the work for it. Also, as far as eating a veggie diet twice a week, even from an avid meat eater, I think a veggie meal once a week at least is just fine (really shrinks that shopping bill too).

I'm 36 and have been vegetarian for 5 years. That's 31 years as a meat eater. I wouldn't eat that. I wouldn't eat that on day 2 of becoming vegetarian either.

I think if she is now veggie she shouldn't be expected to eat food that's been cooked with meat.

I can't even begin to understand how you thought this was ok 🙄

Yabu it’s not vegetarian if you cook it with meat.

I went veggie at 12 and my mum was amazing, we all ate veggie together half the week and she would cook my veggie food separately if they had meat. Thanks to my open minded mum I learnt to cook great veggie food from a very young age.

Your not allowing her a choice at all.

You can't mix meat with vegetarian food duh!

FFS show some respect, and educate yourself.

She is establishing herself as an independent thinker and you are doing a great job of crushing her be it in a very passive aggressive way.

I also turned veggie around 14 (I'm not one now) and wouldn't have eaten that. My DM on the other hand was very clear that in that case I was to cook for myself. So I did. At 14 she'll be perfectly capable, if you're not willing.

YABU and I think you know it. Of course she shouldn’t have to eat something from the same dish with meat in it. Rather obviates the point, doesn’t it?

Just stop cooking for her. She's old enough do it herself.

I think you have probably got the message now that YABU. My DD1 is a vegetarian, been on and off for years and even vegan at one point which is much harder to accommodate. She lives on her own now but when she comes home I tend to do veggie dishes we can all eat. Three bean chilli or vegetarian bolognese, cottage pie using quoin which is pretty easy and not too dissimilar to meat. I can't get the hang of cooking tofu though so she does meals with that in.

If cooking for the whole family I have to accommodate my vegetarian DD1, gluten free son in law, lactose free DD2, DH and granddaughter. Granddaughter doesn't like meat either but DH, son in law and DD2 won't eat vegetarian. Can be tricky but as I say vegan can be harder. At least I know they will all eat cheese, albeit three different kinds.

You sound like my father. 20 years on an I still don't trust him to cook for me.

I think the OP has been scared off! As a first time poster perhaps she expected something different from MN??

It's not vegetarian if it's cooked in meat juices.

Poor OP! If the DD is old enough to decide she’s a vegetarian she’s old enough to prepare and cook all her own food.

have not read thread, but your veg dd is without question bu

Wind them up, let them go...

I've been veggie for 27 years now since I was 14 and I won't touch anything that's been cooked with meat or fish. I also insist on separate utensils, chopping boards, plates etc to avoid cross contamination. I don't eat gelatine either so if she doesn't already know that this isn't veggie then brace yourself for her not eating things with it in like marshmallows, jelly, mouse, most haribo, lots of other sweets. The good news is there's lots of veggie sweets about now unlike 27 years ago. Also Carmine/E120/cochineal.
My family were utter twats about me going veggie and still are. It's not about being awkward or different or difficult. It's about personal choice, health, ethics, animal welfare.
Good on your daughter!

She's not being unreasonable to not want to eat that.

You would not be unreasonable to expect her to cook her own meals if she wants something different from the rest of the family. She's 14, she's old enough to cook for herself.