"older dd is frequently anaemic from heavy periods" no excuse - there are plenty of iron rich vegetarian foods. The odd day or 2 a week isn't going to harm her, it's actually not good for anyone to eat red meat 7 days a week.
Plus frequently with anaemic people it's partly because they're not having foods rich in vitamin c alongside the iron rich food which is necessary for absorption.
Also if her periods are SO heavy it's making her anaemic (rare) you should be getting them investigated by a gynae. Not just accepting it. Because if that is the case they'll be losing other nutrients too.
I was anaemic before becoming veggie a few times, not once since. I have endo which by the time I went veggie the heavy periods aspect at least was being treated by being on the pill (took another 12 years to get diagnosed).
"I think mummy has a favourite child" yes I'm thinking the same.
And as the dd with periods is ALSO clearly old enough to cook...
I turned veggie 30 years ago at 16. My mum did say I'd have to cook my own dinners then as she "wasn't running a cafe" but that comment was also in response to me not getting in from college until later than our family dinner time and my bro taking up a hobby around the same time that meant he was also going to be late for dinner.
So rule was - let mum know day before if we'd be in for usual dinner time. IF mum was by coincidence making a meat free meal that day (eg macaroni cheese, thick lentil soup, quiche - mum's was red pepper and cheese). Then I didn't have to cook. Plus they were all easy to reheat/eat cold.
But yes at 14 certainly old enough to at least cook her veggie part of the dish, most dishes it's not difficult to keep component parts meat free.
Eg if my mum was making a 'meat and 2 veg' type meal she'd do enough potatoes and veg for me and I'd have to make something to go with. This was pre Quorn etc so I'd make up some bean feast (soya mince - came in various flavours), or sosmix (dried soya mix that could be made up into veggie sausages).
NOW it's incredibly easy to be veggie so much choice. And yes it's easy enough if the rest of the family are having eg fish fingers for veggie dd to have veggie breaded fingers.
Would it really be so hard op to make eg spaghetti bolognese with pan of pasta, pan of meat mince, pan of veggie mince? I don't think so.
My dd is not veggie and I cook meat for her alongside my veggie food. If I'm doing a 'one pot' dish I'll make veggie but if not it's not hard to make meat and veggie.
arethereanyleftatall - I was diagnosed with ibs just a few months before I turned veggie. When I stopped eating meat a lot of the symptoms cleared. Didn't think much of it initially. But on a couple of occasions in the first few years when I was given by accident veggie food cooked in meat juices or with a small amount of meat in - HUGE flare up.
We now know red meat can trigger ibs for many AND that it can cause stomach problems inc cancer.
So it's NOT just about ethics for some veggies/non red meat eaters.
Plus as has been said numerous times - a lot of veggies don't like the taste. And it's just plain disrespectful behaviour from the op. If she'd said to her dd she didn't want to cook veggie food that's one thing, but to agree to do so and then NOT is out of order.
Coffeeorsleep - some people ARE veggies because they can't eat meat. It's rare but you can be allergic/intolerant to anything including meat. I don't see it as any different than my mums shellfish allergy.
Re Quorn - I don't even remember what meat tastes like, but I like Quorn. I can appreciate some don't like it but that doesn't mean it's ok to look down on those who do. We all like different foods. Eg I can't stand white chocolate so I don't eat it, I don't judge those who do like it.
Re medical need - the idea that the only source of iron for someone that's anaemic is outdated and unhealthy. The underlying cause of the anaemia needs to be diagnosed and treated first, then a healthy balanced diet including non-meat source iron rich foods and vitamin c and avoiding foods that BLOCK absorption is the next step.
"If vegetarianism is "fussiness" can I just check that the religious based diets of Muslims, Jewish people, Hindus, Buddhists etc are all equally "fussy"? And that you as a meat eater aren't fussy about what you choose to eat, so insects and dog would be fine, say if you were in a country where those items were commonplace?" Exactly! Eg I didn't understand all the fuss from meat eaters re horse meat. I can understand from those with allergies but just on the basis of it being a meat not usually eaten in the uk? A cow doesn't suffer any less than a horse that is killed for meat. Had some interesting conversations with meat eaters who were not allergic to horse meat who could not articulate exactly what their problem was with it.
Juells - defo agree on LMC sausages, fantastic in a sausage and bean casserole
"You are bonkers. That's like giving her gravy from a meat casserole and saying "there's no meat in it" " I've had this done to me, person made a lovely veggie quiche, potatoes and veg...then covered it in bloody meat gravy! By this point I also knew it would set off my ibs dreadfully (and far more anti-socially than refusing the meal). Then dh got 2 dinners.
"Not wanting to be made think about the cruelty involved in meat-production, IMO. So the anger is turned towards anyone who might make you feel a bit guilty." I agree, it's defensiveness.
Whenever I have to say I'm veggie I get one of 2 reactions
1 defensive/eyerolling/piss taking
2 "oh I don't actually eat that much meat now" as if I'm suddenly going to critique THEIR diet (which I don't unless specifically asked).
"I find the anti vegetarian attitudes on Mumsnet very odd. It’s almost as if people take it as a personal affront." Sadly not just on mn.
"If someone defines their own eating habits as vegetarian then that is what they are, regardless if you agree or not." No sorry but just no! It's like those people that say they're vegetarian but eat fish. Vegetarian means no flesh or flesh/carcass products are consumed. If you're eating gravy, products containing gelatine etc you're NOT a veggie. Fish - not a vegetable, chicken - not a vegetable.
"And of all the meals to use as an example, the one in the OP is probably one of the easiest to cook veggie and non veggie versions of........" Absolutely!
Arethereanyleftatall - that you don't seem to know ANY Jews/Muslims/Hindus/Buddhists etc in itself is somewhat odd. How is it you know NONE? Do you even know anyone with food allergies? Who can't eat certain foods because of the meds they're on? Who don't eat certain foods because they have sn and certain textures or smells put them off? If you go on holiday to eg France, Far East, South America would you eat horse? Insects? Dog? Guinea pig?
Re being veggie for 10 yrs and you'll die - wtf! There are billions of people who are/have been veggie for religious/cultural reasons who've lived to ripe old ages. 38% of Indians are veggie that's 1/2 a billion right now! In fact some studies show veggies live up to 10 years LONGER than meat eaters.
Ilikeyourhairyhands - careful - giving an iron supplement to a child with no diagnosed need can be unhealthy even dangerous.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamins-and-minerals/iron/
Re happy/healthy well I'm neither particularly, but not because of being veggie! I've recently had a ton of blood tests because of meds I'm on can affect absorption of some nutrients - all fine and dandy, also cholesterol, bp and blood sugars also fine.
As I said no anaemia since pre-veggie days, depression, OCD, endo and ibs all pre-date turning veggie (and the endo improved slightly, the ibs massively IMPROVED after going veggie) and my spinal disability was caused by some Pratt hitting me from behind with their car! (I was stationary at red traffic lights).
Reallyanotherone - try being a vegetarian, teetotal non-smoker 😂
Which makes me sound like a total party pooper! I'm veggie for ethical reasons but I'm not preachy about it, though happy to discuss it. I can't drink due to meds. Both parents smoked heavily and I'm seriously asthmatic so even trying one could've landed me in hospital and frankly I don't see the point.
So...yabvu op. Be more supportive of your dd who has made a sensible, relatively mainstream choice. And treat both dds more equally there really does seem to be a bias towards your other dd.