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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

646 replies

Abergavenny · 31/05/2018 19:54

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

OP posts:
DuchyDuke · 31/05/2018 20:02

They aren’t vegetarian if you cook them in meat. Look if you can’t be arsed cooking for her, just ask her to do it herself. She’s 14 not 4.

Polkadot1974 · 31/05/2018 20:02

YABU. rarely would I say that veggies wean off meat slowly slowly so to be able to taste meat is a pain once you’ve switched and now, really unpleasant for me. Could it not have gone in another dish or get her to help out ?

French2019 · 31/05/2018 20:02

YABU. What you offered her was not vegetarian, given that you had cooked it in the same dish as the meat. She was not being at all "precious" in not wanting to eat it.

That said, 14 is old enough to cook for herself if it doesn't suit you to cook for her. Personally, if you're cooking for everyone else, I'd find it a bit mean to expect her to cater for herself every day, but I guess that's an option. Or perhaps you could all eat veggie meals 2 or 3 times a week - much healthier for all of you! - and let her cook for herself on the other days?

AsAProfessionalFekko · 31/05/2018 20:02

It's not a belief it's a choice! I have eaten similar items when I've been served them in situations when it would have been rude to comment or male a fuss.

Trust me - even if 'it's not touching' you can still get the flavour of pepperoni or seafood 🤢

You are still learning so she is a bit off if she had a rant.

KarmaStar · 31/05/2018 20:02

Yabvu. Respect her choice.

Boredandtired · 31/05/2018 20:03

Sorry but if you are going to cook vegetarian food for her and support her you have to respect this, it's perfectly normal. And I have a mix of meat eaters, vegetarian, dairy free and vegan 😱 So I feel your pain. Separate dishes and find some vegetarian meals everyone will eat...

ProudThrilledHappy · 31/05/2018 20:03

YABU to not separate the meat from the veggie portion

YANBU to say if she has decided to eat a different diet to the family she should prepare her own meals. 14 is certainly old enough

applesandpears56 · 31/05/2018 20:03

Get used to portioning out the base dish before you add the chicken /quorn and then just cook a separate little one for her

Don’t treat your dd’s vegetarianism as a nuisance - it shows moral character that she can make her own choices and it’s proven healthier lifestyle benefits over the longer term. You should support it imo

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 31/05/2018 20:04

Yabu

Elphabaisnotwicked · 31/05/2018 20:04

I’ve been veggie since 14 AND my parents continued to cook for me, because they’re my parents Confused what you’re describing is not acceptable, you could easily put the meatballs in as you serve the food, rather than cross contaminating your daughters food, YABU.

Blizzardagain · 31/05/2018 20:05

YABU. I'd find that pretty gross if I were vegetarian

Halebeke425 · 31/05/2018 20:05

It is unreasonable to expect a vegetarian to eat food cooked with meat products, yes. Regardless of how old she is and how long she ate meat before.

I would encourage her to learn to cook, as I had to when I stopped eating meat as a teen.

WhiteCat1704 · 31/05/2018 20:05

Tell her to start preparing her own food. 14 is old enough.

Micah · 31/05/2018 20:06

Could you all eat her veggie meals sometimes?

Yes. Couldn’t you all eat veggie at least 2/3 times a week? A lot less effort, and there is so much fantastic veggie food. I became veggie when i moved in with a veggie housemate, it was just easier to food prep for both having a veggie household, and i found I didn’t miss meat at all. In fact i preferred the veggie stuff :).

Poodletip · 31/05/2018 20:06

YABU

There's no reason why she can't help cook her own food. Although it has to be said if you think that's a hassle you'd have kittens at the range of dietary requirements in my house!

maddening · 31/05/2018 20:06

But all you need to do is get some individual cook dishes - it's so easy to do it correctly

TroubledLichen · 31/05/2018 20:06

Vegetarian here, I’m usually pretty chilled (as in I don’t freak out if the meat barbecue tongs go near my quorn burger) but I wouldn’t have eaten that, I imagine it would have tasted pretty meaty. It’s not that hard to put her bit in a separate oven dish. But agree that at 14, she should be capable of doing some bits for herself rather than you always having to do two meals.

DarthArts · 31/05/2018 20:07

To quote John McEnroe "you cannot be serious".

Vegetarian food isn't vegetarian if it's cooked in the same cooking vessel as meat as the "juices" leach out.

It would have been fine to use the shared "non meat" ingredients between 2 different sets of bakeware and then add the meat to one.

Fundamentally you can't "top and toe" meat and veggie food.

Bluelady · 31/05/2018 20:07

How hard would it have been to cook hers separately? Very unreasonable to expect her to eat sauce with meat juices leaked into it.

checkingforballoons · 31/05/2018 20:08

Another veggie here who wouldn’t have eaten it!
When now DH and I first moved in together and he didn’t quite get my reasoning, I told him to replace ‘meat’ with ‘dog poo’ and he’d have a fair idea of how it works for me. So ‘Can’t you just pick the dog poo off?’ ‘Why do they need to be on separate plates? It’s barely touched the dog poo!’ ‘You don’t mind if I barbecue this dog poo next to your veggie burger do you?’

😁

AsAProfessionalFekko · 31/05/2018 20:08

Tival meatless meat balls are rather nice...

TaggieRR · 31/05/2018 20:09

Of course you were unreasonable! You don’t cook meat and veggie in same pan!

booellesmum · 31/05/2018 20:09

Yabu. I have a DD who is vegetarian and the rest if us eat meat. It is not difficult to cook her food in a separate dish/pan.
If you think it's making extra work get her to help, but you do need to respect her choices.

BexConnor · 31/05/2018 20:10

Agree with everyone else. I am vegetarian and wouldn't like to eat this either.

But if cooking seperate meals is a pain you could always ask her to help you to do her bit. Or have you considered maybe one night a week doing a veggie meal the whole family can eat?

nellieellie · 31/05/2018 20:10

Yabu. No proper vegetarian would eat something that had been cooked with meat. Often when a person makes the decision to be vegey, it’s after much thought and it’s very important to make a clear break. I’ve been vegetarian for 35 years. At no point in all that time, from the first week, would I have eaten something with meat in the other end. It’s just NOT vegetarian food.