To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

I also agree, I'm afraid OP. I would have put my DD's in a separate small dish and added the meatballs.

DD has chosen to be vegetarian since she was 8 and part of the agreement to support her was that she would try different things, eg beans/pulses. I batch cooked for her and we all eat vegge for some meals..

Mostly now she cooks for herself (18). She became vegan 8 months ago and its been really interesting exploring recipes with her.

YABVU. Try to put yourself in DDs shoes. She's made a decision based in what she feels is right, and rather than be supportive, you're acting like you feel like she's doing it purely to inconvenience you.

have started to read thread :D

YABU. Just cook it separately.

fuck that for a game of soldiers. the first time i met my utterly lovely mil she was juggling a variety of dinners for a variety of ungraetful opinionated teens. i swore never to be that woman.

YABU. You couldn't have put hers in a separate dish to cook? So not doing a whole different meal just a separate one with the veggieballs. Juices come out of meat so it wouldn't have been vegetarian, I agree with her. And I'm a big meat eater.

But she should also be capable of cooking herself. Or even cooking vegetarian food for the whole family. My 14 yo can cook basic family meals.

To add: I cooked my own meals from then on.
It's heartening to read how many people consider this totally unreasonable. I was made to feel like the biggest PITA as a teenager. And as a grown woman with her own veggie kids. I was ridiculed for checking that the gravy in something was veggie on a family meal out once. Being 14 and veggie was a nightmare and they assumed I would "grow out of it" which is obviously didn't.

She is a vegetarian.... if I cooked my vegetarian or vegan friends a meal in a pan I had just cooked steak in they would be very very upset.the meat juices and fat will be in her portion.

Stop disrespecting your daughters choices.

Why are you cooking for her she is 14 and going against the family norm

Your not saying you won’t cook but I will say she will soon get Board of eating chips easy to be a vegan when your having your meals cooked for you teens and celebrities

Yabu. Most vegetarians would not eat food cooked in meat juices.

Have you considered making vegetarian meals for the whole family sometimes? Meat isn't required at every meal.

I wouldn’t eat that either. You could just siphon some of the pasta off and put the veggie meatballs in there and bake separately, no extra cooking and only one more small pot to wash up. Buy some individual baking dishes specifically for this purpose.

YABU.

can't the whole family eat veggie more of the time? and the times you're eating meat she can prepare her own meals? i went veggie at the same age and didn't start eating meat again til 7 years later. We already ate veggie a lot at home but on meat nights I learned to make my own meals. And to whoever said above about her cleaning up, yes of course she should clean up if she's cooking!

🤔

I think YABU, it’s really not hard to cook separate dishes. Vegetarian meatballs cooked next to meat juices aren’t vegetarian anymore and I wouldn’t have eaten them either. Nor do I think you should make your young daughter cook for herself. I cook meat products for my family as my husband is a meat eater but cannot cook for himself because he has a disability, should I force him to be vegetarian against his will because it’d be easier to just cook what I eat?

YABU. My daughter, now 10, has been veggie for 4 or 5 years. At first she simply didn't want to eat anything that looked like a dead animal, so sausages ok, roast chicken not. Then she stopped eating all meat, but would happily just pick the meat out from a dish that we'd cooked. But as she got older a became more aware, she became clearer about not wanting to eat any meat products, and we have always supported her choices. So for example I stopped adding a few anchovies to pasta sauce when she detected a fishy flavour, and at some point we had to break the news that gravy, which she loved, was made with meat juices. For the last few years I wouldn't dream of cross contaminating her food with meat. She is obsessive about checking sweet packets for gelatine, and I have nothing but admiration for her resolve.

ffs i'm lolling hard at "respect her choices" "cater to her every whim" :D

there may or may not be a meal on the table, there will certainly be something edible and within pre-notified preferences available for eating somewhere within the house. yes you can walk to the shop and have cash buy your own tea/ingredients for such. yes you can have some kitchen space as soon as the rest of us are out of the way, you may have to wash the odd thing up. yes, you can ask your dad to get something ahead of time that you eat while the meat-eaters go communal catering. yes i will endeavour to offer veggie homemade alternatives and not allow the assumption that food=meat.

but yunno, the sooner we learn this stuff the more independent we're able to be when the time comes...

YABU OP, seriously flawed thinking there.

If you're doing her dish in the oven, make sure it's not splashed by the meaty thing that's cooking near it, cover one or the other with foil.

Occasionally any of us may not keep things completely separate (eg use the same spoon to stir quorn bolognese and beef bolognese), which I don't worry about,

That would bother me, I'd see it as what it is, cross contamination.
Thing is, I can taste it too, which is more than unpleasant.

I asked for a veggie breakfast in a posh farmhouse B+B, they cooked my mushrooms in bacon fat < - boak
I could smell it as she put my plate in front of me

You are being utterly thoughtless OP, as well as utterly unreasonable.

I have eight DC, three of whom are vegetarian and five of whom eat meat. It really isn't hard at all to accommodate all of them without compromising any of them ethically.

Your poor DD Why not support her choice and experiment together rather than punish her for something which you find inconvenient?

I became veggie in the 1960s when it was much harder due to a smaller range of foods and less awareness. My mother cooked separately for me, found out what was suitable and available, and encouraged me to cook/experiment for myself.

If it's a fad, it's one I've been going through for nearly 50 years.

Just get a small frying pan and a small pan to do the veggie version on the side.
Or eat leas meat as a family and all be a little healthier.

I’ve had a variety of veggie friends and when asked if they cared if it was the same dish or not they didn’t care: they still weren’t contributing to the additional consumption of meat. Maybe my friends were unusual.

I think you’re being incredibly unreasonable - her veggie meatballs definitely shouldn’t be cooked in the same dish as the meat.

@Metoodear vegetarian food isn't just chips .... I'm not even vegetarian and eat veggie meals 3 or 4 times a week ... they're just as easy if not easier.

YANBU. I have to do this for myself and my husband. He's non veg, I'm veg. Rather than faff around, I just deal with it.

YABU. And I'm a meat eater.

ffs i'm lolling hard at "respect her choices"

Yes because someone making an intelligent and reasoned ethical choice is hysterical.

I have had exactly this discussion with my newly vegetarian 13 year old DD. She has with reluctance agreed to eat things that have meat in them, and pick the meat out. If we have something like roast chicken, she will eat the vegetables (from the chicken pan) and then make herself something to go with them. The alternative would be her cooking for herself from scratch. Obviously, sometimes we all eat vegetarian meals anyway.