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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

646 replies

Abergavenny · 31/05/2018 19:54

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

OP posts:
WhiteCat1704 · 02/06/2018 19:16

Why does everyone want to "test" this poor girl? What a hideous attitude. People who probably cook meals for their 14yo meat eaters are happy to try and devise ways to break this poor girls' social convictions with pressure, passive aggressive attitudes and "tests."

I'm vegetarian and I don't cook meet for DH or DS. If DH wants meat he has to get it and make it himself. DS is too young yet but if he decides to eat meat as a teenager he will have to cook it too.

In case of 14year old girl going veggie it's really about a CHANGE and extra work her choice creates. It's only fair she takes some responsibility and experiences consequences of her choice. She should start preparing parts of her own meal. She will have the non meat components done for her i.e pataros, pasta, salads etc.

LoniceraJaponica · 02/06/2018 19:29

I totally agree with you rosesandflowers

Do most 14 year olds really cook all of their own meals?

DD (17) is a very good cook, but is right in the middle of revising for A levels. I don't expect her to cook her own meals. I prefer to support her at this stressful time and cook for her. Although it is no skin off my nose to not eat meat. Tonight we had mushroom, red onion and chestnut tarte tatin with purple sprouting broccoli, asparagus and green beans.

polsha · 02/06/2018 19:40

She should start preparing parts of her own meal. She will have the non meat components done for her i.e pataros, pasta, salads etc.

This makes no sense. It’s about a vegetarian. ALL of the meal components will be non meat, which parts are you suggesting she makes of the non meat parts are made for her?

MrsLaurac · 02/06/2018 19:45

How much extra effort to do it in a separate dish? Yabu

elephantscanring · 02/06/2018 19:49

Never met a happy vegetarian, never met a healthy one.

Christ, the ignorance on this thread is amazing.

Dd, 14, has been vegetarian for 2 years. In that time she has had one cold...

And she is very happy with her ethical choice.

Ffs.

LoniceraJaponica · 02/06/2018 19:55

I'm beginning to think that SherbrookeFosterer has no friends or knows very few people. I know loads of happy and healthy vegetarians.

Thespringsthething · 02/06/2018 20:03

Never met a happy vegetarian, never met a healthy one

Hilarious. At my work, there's so many people who are veggie or vegan, including people in their 30's who have been vegetarian their whole lives. Much of the world eats a plant based diet.

pinkgirl1234 · 02/06/2018 20:06

Never met a happy vegetarian, never met a healthy one.

DON'T BE SO FUCKING STUPID! FUCK SAKE!

I had left this thread because it was making my blood boil, but I saw that (in quotes - no idea who posted it) and couldn't believe someone would be that thick! Besides, whoever posted it - how the fuck do you know the dietary preferences of every single person you meet? Vegetarians don't wear fucking labels!

Oh dear, I've been trying to swear less. This thread isn't helping. I'm not substituting fucking fudging though! Grin

KittenBeast · 02/06/2018 20:08

Pinkgirl incredible, isn't it?

rosesandflowers · 02/06/2018 20:09

DS is too young yet but if he decides to eat meat as a teenager he will have to cook it too.

I understand lots of teenagers cook their own meals. My DD hasn't cooked anything more complicated than pasta, and that was about six months ago (she's turning sixteen this month) but that's to do with health problems. I planned to teach her when she was fifteen.

But this isn't about when teenagers should start cooking. It's the fact that the only reason people want this girl to start cooking is because she's turned vegetarian, as a sort of weird test of the strength of her conviction. I think it's so demeaning to assume she won't have enough strength to do it, and cruel to purposely try and sabotage her vegetarianism instead of just cooking things in separate dishes.

LilQueenie · 02/06/2018 20:09

I'm actually happier and healthier since turning veggie 20 year ago.

pointythings · 02/06/2018 20:10

Never met a happy vegetarian, never met a healthy one.

Got one sitting about 6 feet away.

That comment probably wins Stupid Statement of the Day...

RoseWhiteTips · 02/06/2018 20:11

Happy and healthy here too. Lol
Flesh eaters get used to it.

WhiteCat1704 · 02/06/2018 20:15

This makes no sense. It’s about a vegetarian. ALL of the meal components will be non meat, which parts are you suggesting she makes of the non meat parts are made for her?

If a meal is patatos, salad and chicken she puts quorn version of chicken in the oven. It's simple really. If the meal is with fish she decides what she wants to replace the fish with-might be as simple as quorn fishfingers in the oven again.

Patatos and salad che can eat..

It would help if the family could eat some veggie meals too of course...But there is tons of easy, quite healthy, veggie versions to chose from out there that don't require much effort.

reallyanotherone · 02/06/2018 20:16

It’s a bit like being teetotal.

People just don’t get that you don’t drink/eat meat. As if it somehow passes judgement on them.

yeahforsummer · 02/06/2018 20:21

I can see that it takes a while to getting used to cooking for a veggie but you can't cook the stuff altogether. At 14 she can help cook but she seems a bit young to be left to get on with it. Also plenty of vegetarians are happy and healthy. I am pretty comfortable with my meat eating choices but I don't expect everyone to make the same choices as me.

pinkgirl1234 · 02/06/2018 20:24

Pinkgirl incredible, isn't it?

Yes @KittenBeast . I tried not to rise to it but just couldn't help myself!

pinkgirl1234 · 02/06/2018 20:26

re the comment about unhealthy vegetarians...apparently David Haye is a vegan. Ah, I guess that proves the point - he looks extremely weedy and unhealthy. Grin

AsAProfessionalFekko · 02/06/2018 20:27

JC is veggie isn't he?

polsha · 02/06/2018 20:31

If a meal is patatos, salad and chicken she puts quorn version of chicken in the oven. It's simple really. If the meal is with fish she decides what she wants to replace the fish with-might be as simple as quorn fishfingers in the oven again

A tad pathetic that the parent would refuse to put something in the oven, especially as it's 'simple really', because it was a quorum version rather than a chicken breast.

Thank god I didn't turn out to be that kind of parent. It's makes me feel so sad to think that parents actually do shit like that.

Smileyk · 02/06/2018 20:33

Very unreasonable! I have a 14 year old who has been veggie for several years now. Sometimes we all eat veggie, sometimes she has to fend for herself and sometimes I cook a sauce and add some to a pan with quorn or vegetables and the rest to a pan with meat. I use separate utensils for her meal and if we bbq she has her own area of the bbq and her own tools.

I check the cheese we buy is veggie and buy veggie sweets and marshmallows for her. BUT I also expect her to participate in meal planning, cooking and clearing up!

Why on earth would you think it ok to cook a veggie meal with meat in the same pan?! Seriously if you're allowing her to be veggie then you need to get on board with it. Or let her buy and cook her own food!

Newname12 · 02/06/2018 20:38

Yeah it’s a bit PA isn’t it, making your child put her own quorn kiev in the oven while you do everyone elses.

Is it really, really that much effort to put it in the oven yourself?

It’s basically making the point you don’t agree with veggie and are therefore refusing to compromise in any way.

I moved in with a vegetarian in my 20’s. Instead of getting arsey about cooking different meals i used it as an opportunity to learn to cook veggie and more about veggie nutrition.

I am gobsmacked at the parents that cannot make the slightest adjustment to accomodate a child.

pinkgirl1234 · 02/06/2018 20:43

Never met a happy vegetarian

Sorry to go back to this, but that comment made me giggle so much. It has really cheered up this vegetarian on a cold, wintry morning. Grin

HidCat · 02/06/2018 20:58

YABU, however She's 14. She can cook her own meal if she doesn't want what the rest of the family are having. My brother was told this at 11 and has cooked his own food ever since.

polsha · 02/06/2018 21:08

My brother was told this at 11 and has cooked his own food ever since.

I’m not sure why you post this as a good example. It’s actually heartbreaking to think of an 11 year old being treated so badly.