To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

I have a gs3 who is a vegetarian and I certainly would not cook a meal for him in meat juices.

But, and its a big one, no matter what I prepare for him it is never, ever good enough. One example would be a buffet I prepared for my gs1's birthday, when I went to considerable trouble to provide meat free options. He eats fish, so I did fresh salmon, eggs, cheese dishes etc which everyone else ate. I looked across to see him scraping salmon from his plate and demanded I made him jam sandwiches. He seems to use it as an excuse to only eat sweet options, ie goes straight to cake etc.

I would respect everyone's right to go meat free, but he was 9. He seems to have everyone doing their best to please him and failing. Rightly or wrongly, I am getting pretty fed up as its like we are being set up to fail. He also tells us how horrible we all are for eating meat unchecked by his mum. All suggestions, hostile or otherwise are welcome.

Underappreciatedtococreator

Bit much don't you think? Calling vegetarianism a silly fad and being vile in general. Who hurt you? 💐

Seems that many vegetarians on this thread are more concerned with being able to call themselves vegetarians rather than the welfare of animals.
A friend of mine has decided to simply never buy meat herself, for ethical reasons. If she's at someone's house, and they've cooked lasagne, she'll eat it. She doesn't care that she's not called a vegetarian, as after all, the label isn't the point. Or is it?
@jackiethelad I agree with all you've said.

@elsiemc that sounds like an issue far bigger than vegetarianism in that his parents are pandering to him and allowing him to be rude. If you are not able to confront them, you can at least gently tell him how it makes you feel when he responds as he does. It may leave him a bit sullen, confused and maybe a bit defensive if he's not used to people communicating honestly or him being expected to consider how his behaviour affects other people, but if you address it kindly without attacking him, and talk to him about the need for a balanced diet, then it's perfectly possible to have one rule at home (sounds like few boundaries) and another rule at grandma's house (sensible boundaries and healthy diet). Good luck!

You are both learning - I’m sure she will eat a few things worth gelatine or animal fats in it as she goes along. I was far more respectful of my parents to have a hissy for if a piece of bacon accidentally touched something I was eating or mum didn’t realise there was animal fat in something she bought for me. I’d explain and not eat it - simple. No need to get into a row (except with my brother who even now says - every time I see him ‘dae ye no fancy a bacon sangwich - BACONNNNNNN it’s yum!’)

It’s not worth making a drama out of - but a teen on a principle will make a drama so be prepared.

I remember agonising over a leather suitcase tag that I’d been given years before when I went to pack for my holidays (I ended up giving it away).

And I became veggie because of animal treatment and horrible practices in food manufacturing.

Jackie that sounds bleugh and obviously not on for the vegetarian to be made to eat animal blood! In that scenario anyway, why would you not do the tofu first and then do the meat? The other way round is vindictive.

I know raised. I was just trying to find a scenario where I could draw comparisons. It does sound pretty yuck, maybe was a bad example.

To the PP who said eating a small amount of meat will make them sick, I totally sympathise. Nobody should try to make you eat meat. But the OPs case her daughter has only been veggie for two weeks, so this doesn't apply.

To the pp who said I'm not vegan if I'd eat something cooked in the same dish as meat, I'd argue that I just try not to be wasteful, or rude to somebody who took time to cook me food. I'd draw the line and wouldn't eat where my food actually contained the animal product and apologise for the inconvenience, but cooked in a way where it may be slightly contaminated I wouldn't make a fuss. Like arethereanyleftatall said, I do it for the animal welfare and ethics, not so that I can lord "I'm a vegan" over others.

Tell her to stop being an ungrateful brat. You tried to taking into account her silly fad and wasted your hard earned money on her veggie “meat”. If she is going to that fanatical about it she should cook for herself.

Do you have children? If so, I'm worried for them!

Vegetarianism is far from a 'silly fad' It's been around too long to be called a "fad", surely, and I wouldn't call it "silly"! I try and humanely source my meat, but I'm not sure if I have the willpower to go full veggie/vegan. I have total respect for those who do.

My younger DD decided she wanted to go veggie at 8. She's now 10 and still eats vegetarian meals. Children are capable of having strong convictions and sticking to them.

Asking to not have your vegetarian meals cooked in the same dish as meat is not "fanatic" in any case. I'd think it was convention. Surely everyone knows that you should use separate dishes? If you're learning to accommodate a veggie child, if you do make mistakes calling them an "ungrateful brat" is, quite frankly, awful. I'm shocked.

What exactly do you think is "ungrateful", OP?

@BamBamDoDo oh really? Well, I do work. Due to various needs, autism, dietary requirements, and preferences, I typically do 3 different dinners a day. Sometimes it’s only 2 kinds.

Since only one of the 5 household members eats meat, not one dish is meat at all. Everyone is happy and healthy.

“There is no way anyone under 90 wouldn't realise that a vegetarian would not be able to stomach eating food cooked in a sauce in the same pan as meat.”

You do realize that vegetarianism has been around for a while.....it hasn’t just been invented!

"Seems that many vegetarians on this thread are more concerned with being able to call themselves vegetarians rather than the welfare of animals."

What the blithering hell does this even mean? How do you draw the conclusion that vegetarians don't care about the welfare of animals? That is nonsensical.

It seems like there are several humpty-dumptys on this thread....

"'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.'"

REally Underappreciatedtococreator

The ignorance and rudeness of some posters on this thread is breathtaking.

YABVU to expect a vegetarian to eat pasta effectively cooked in meat juice, one end of the pot or not, your DD is not unreasonable, you are.

That said I do understand that as a meat eater the change to your DDs diet causes problems for you & at 14 she could always get her finger out & help with cooking her own food or even cook for herself

My mum has a veggie teacher at her primary school (1930s).

& to put it into perspective. If a friend or family member knowingly served me food cooked in meat juices or anything similar. I would never speak to them again as they have just shown me how little they respect my life choice or me. You honestly owe your DD a big apology

Why does anyone care about other people's ethics when it comes to good? If they say they are vegetarian, then it's not up to anyone else to 'test' their vegetarianism by cooking them meat products surreptitiously. If someone said they were veggie, I cooked them a separate meal, then they scoffed the meat, I'd be pissed off, but not if I had to make a minor adjustment to dinner. I know it's a bit different because my DS only wants to cut down on meat, but he has decided he wants to be a part time vegetarian, so we've all gone from 1 veggie meal to 3 a week. It's really revived my love of cooking. I've discovered so many new ingredients and lovely recipes. And I love meat!

foodobvs

I'm not a vegetarian but one day we will all be vegetarians so it's pretty short sighted to slag them off. They occupy the moral high ground without a doubt. Just get on board

She's a vegetarian. The dish wasn't vegetarian. She wasn't BU

I'm not a vegetarian but one day we will all be vegetarians so it's pretty short sighted to slag them off. They occupy the moral high ground without a doubt. Just get on board

Eh? Moral high ground. Oookay.
You seem to have a (meaty) chip on your shoulders.

Yabu - i remeber staying in home stay in japan when i was 14. i dont eat pork and they had ordered a pepperoni pizza the 1st night.they said was it not okay to just pick the pepperoni off.. safe to say i think i just went to my room to cry for abit called my teacher and she then explained it to them. But yeh the thought of it was awful.

Your DD should be helping you out in the kitchen abit more i think extra washing for the extra prep.. also doing a few veg only nights for tbe whole family is only a good thing. Too much meat consumption is not good for you.

To make cooking easier i suggest making hers first like frying etc..or batch cook some veggie meals and freeze..she needs to help out..
Buy a small ramekin for pies and bakes u can get them from £1 shop

@AssassinatedBeauty
'What the blithering hell does that mean?'

It means that - if you are a vegetarian simply because you believe in the welfare of animals, then if a little bit of meat juice From someone else's meal gets in to yours, which they were going to eat anyway, then that has made ZERO DIFFERENCE to the welfare of animals. You have done your (in your opinion) bit anyway.

So making a fuss about it is attention seeking nonsense.

If you don't like the taste, that's a different matter.

By that logic, if someone else had bought the meat and was cooking then you shouldn't object to eating the meat because it was already dead.

I would hazard a guess that most vegetarians and vegans are so because they don't want to eat dead animals. Separately they will usually also care about the welfare of animals, whilst also not wanting them to be killed or to eat them.

(Excluding vegetarians/vegans who are choosing the diet as a health choice, obviously).