To think vegetarian dd is being unreasonable?

[Abergavenny]

A few weeks ago, Dd aged 14 declared that she is now a vegetarian. It’s a bit of a hassle, given that the rest of us (2 parents + 2 siblings) all eat meat, but I’m getting the hang of it i.e. doing quorn chicken for her while doing normal chicken for the rest of us.

Yesterday, however, she refused to eat what I’d made her - I’d done a tomato pasta bake with meatballs, and put veggie meatballs in at one end for her. But she refused to eat it because it had been cooked in the same dish as the meat.

AIBU to think she’s being unreasonably precious given that she ate meat for 13 and a bit years before this?

And is it unreasonable to refuse to cook her anything else, and tell her she either eats veggie options cooked in the same pan as meat or makes her own meal?

She will need to learn that not everyone knows (or really cares) about the dietary matters of a veggie. It's life.

Never met a happy vegetarian, never met a healthy one.

I've been vegetarian for 35 years now and I am perfectly happy and healthy. Also, unless you quiz every single person you meet on their dietary preferences (which would be a bit odd), how do you know you've never met one?

"She will need to learn that not everyone knows (or really cares) about the dietary matters of a veggie"
Fuck me-not even her mother????

As a veggie if 36 years, yes you can't expect her mum to know all the protocols of being a veggie! Trust me - there are plenty of other people won't care if they 'accidentaly' use a beef stock cube in the lasagne or give her a nice desert with gelatine in it.

She'll need to learn if she's going to be veggie for life and she's old enough to learn too

How come 14 year old meat eaters don’t need to learn if they’re going to eat meat for the rest of their life they need to learn to cook?

I think it’s bizarre people will accomodate one childs preference because it happens to be the same as the parents, but not anothers.

If you have 2 children, one veggie, why wouldn’t you treat them equally and cook veggie 3 days and meat 3 days. Have a takeaway on the 7th!

As a veggie if 36 years, yes you can't expect her mum to know all the protocols of being a veggie!

But as a normal parent, I'd expect her mum to be kind and considerate.

She made a mistake! She didn't think it through that's all.

Saying that - I'd tell her to cook her own food from now on, and I'd stop doing it for her.
She'll need to learn if she's going to be veggie for life and she's old enough to learn too.

Whereas someone will always cook for you as a meat eater. I don't see why veggie child has a greater, more urgent need to learn to cook any more than the meat eater.

Today I've had avocado on toast for breakfast, mackerel salad for lunch and we're having veggie bean burgers for dinner. None of us are vegetarian but if one of us was, the only adjustment would be to have cheese or something instead of mackerel. Are some people having meat for every meal?

It would have taken you 2 minutes to put an individual portion in a separate dish for her. Thoughtless.

If I was a 14 year old who was told I had to cook my own food, I would see no reason why I should cook it to eat at the same time as the rest of the family or sit at the table with them.

I just cannot imagine telling my 14 year old they have to cook for themselves from now on.

You would never cook for them? Ever again? When they’re adults do you think they’ll come and visit if they’re expected to cook for themselves?

Is meat really that important that a) you need to eat it at every meal and b) you won’t include a child in family meals if they choose not to eat it?

I think it’s mean and exclusive tbh.

If you have veggie guest do you refuse to cook for them too?

I've never understood the secret delight some people take in thwarting what they see as 'nonsense'. So if a visitor tells them they only eat free range chicken or eggs, they'll deliberately buy battery, just so they can have a little superior snigger to themselves at the fact that the visitor can't tell the difference. The same with sneaking stuff into vegetarians' food. They feel they're winning, and 'showing' what nonsense it all is.

Those who think it's ok for a vegetarian or vegan to have their meal contaminated by meat (or dairy, in the case of the vegans), consider how you would feel if your meat was cooked alongside something you consider unacceptable, but others do not: dog meat, cat meat, bulls' testicles, frogs, snails, HUMANS. Sure, a tiny percentage of you might not care, but I bet the vast majority would.

I'd support my child if they made an ethical choice and I'd do my best to learn about it, and accommodate them. And then I'd join them. We do not need to eat meat or dairy to be healthy. We need to educate ourselves and do better.

Have you apologised to your DD, OP?

Saying that - I'd tell her to cook her own food from now on, and I'd stop doing it for her.

She'll need to learn if she's going to be veggie for life and she's old enough to learn too.

Surely she has to learn to cook if she is a meat eater too? The lack of consideration isn't any better dressed up as a life skill

Fuck me-not even her mother????

THIS. I hate it when people try to excuse shitty behaviour from parents towards their children by saying "well they need to learn some people will be rude about or ignorant of or simply not care about their food choices/sexuality/gender identity etc." Well yes, they will learn that regardless of what you do. The world is full of assholes. You shouldn't have your kids viewing you as one of them.

If you were cooking for a vegetarian friend I’d say YABU but as it’s your daughter, I say YANBU.

I wouldn’t cook two meals and would expect any new found vegetarian family members to cook for themselves. If she’s serious, she’ll cook for herself.

If you were cooking for a vegetarian friend I’d say YABU but as it’s your daughter, I say YANBU.

So you rate your friends before your daughter

Honestly some of the attitudes people have towards their own children is shocking

YABU and totally disrespectful of your daughter's decision.

She made a mistake! She didn't think it through that's all. That's never an excuse on MN. I eat a lot of meat as do the rest of the family but if someone decided to be vegetarian then I would do my best to help as would DH even though they're late twenties and can already cook
Different ingredients would have to be bought.

"she’s serious, she’ll cook for herself."

And eat when she wants to and by herself?

SherbrookeFosterer
Did you write this as a deliberately goady post, or are you really this stupid?

I agree with @BertrandRussell - if you expect a teenager to cook their own meal, they can choose when to eat it, too.

Fuxake... I'm such a militant pro-veggie meateater I raised my DC as veggie until they were 5/6ish, when I thought they were old enough to understand the connection between the lovely animals at the farm park and what ExP & I ate. It was their decision, because if they did decide to continue as vegetarians, I didn't like the thought I'd fed them something they later decided they didn't want to eat for moral reasons. DD is pescetarian now, DS eats meat as rarely as I do.

I find it really interesting how arsey people get with veggies. Just because someone chooses a different lifestyle to yours, doesn't mean they're judging you. They've just come to a different decision, that's all. The aggressive responses my family have had over the years (since early 80s) is enlightening. Aside from my brother, none of them have ever been in any way evangelical or holier than thou about it, but as soon as they say they're vegetarian, there will always be one person who prickles & has to be difficult.

I wouldn’t cook two meals and would expect any new found vegetarian family members to cook for themselves. If she’s serious, she’ll cook for herself.

Why does everyone want to "test" this poor girl? What a hideous attitude. People who probably cook meals for their 14yo meat eaters are happy to try and devise ways to break this poor girls' social convictions with pressure, passive aggressive attitudes and "tests."

I find it demeaning. And cruel.