To want just one day where I don't get upset by my ndds behaviour

[paranoidanxiety2018]

So today is my birthday, and as we don't have much money I saved the little we do have for my dds birthday (which is Tuesday), and made myself a cake. The sponge cam out beautifully and is probably my best yet. I left it on the side to cool over night ready to decorate. I was woken by my ndd (5 on Tues) at 7am wishing me a happy birthday with a cuddle and a card she made, only to walk in to the kitchen and find she'd taken a spoon and destroyed my cake!!
Why my stuff?? It was going to be a thing of beauty with vanilla buttercream icing and half strawberries all over .
In the last 2 weeks she has broken or almost about 4 items that mean alot to me or things that I desperately needed. Like the whole brand new box of plasters, may seem stupid, but I split the crease of my toe right open (she knew about) and needed those plasters to keep the split clean, dry and fixed to prevent it splitting more, I had no money to buy more. My hobby involving 3 weeks of hard work she came into my bedroom and drew all over it in the early hours.
She doesn't do this to her own things and is in fact the most careful child I have ever met when it comes to her things... so why mine??
Aibu to have wanted just my birthday to be a day where I don't cry, don't feel like she hates me, and don't just want to be mean??
I really really wanted to say something to her, anything to get my hurt and frustration out but i managed to stop myself, realising tht it would solve nothing and only make her as upset as me, so just said "Go to ur room, please"

Right... you're the one inventing imaginary scenarios and suggesting OP doesnt get up to feed her child, but it's me who's spouting off. Got it...

No, I put forward possibilities.

The way that the OP speaks about her child indicates that their is some level of detachment. Her/his user name indicates an interest/knowledge of mental health.

He/she also says Aibu to have wanted just my birthday to be a day where I don't cry, don't feel like she hates me, and don't just want to be mean??

The don't just want to be mean bit is unclear- but it could be read that he/ she wants to be mean to the child.

The OP also states that they cry everyday. They feel that their child hates them.

The post lists 2 occasions on which the child was unsupervised in the morning.

So- yes, this sounds like it could possibly be a chaotic household.

Next door’s dog?

Next door’s dog?

As the Op hasn't returned and has a user name that links to what she is describing I would suggest that this is a wind up thread.

So yes , the dog theory may be right.

Ok I think we've established there was a bit of confusion about the ndd, but it's not rocket science is it, it's her dd. Happy birthday op . Each and every time she destroys something of your she needs to be punished, maybe take something of hers, there needs to be consequences.

On another note, take your cake, lash a load of buttercream and strawberries on it and sit out the sun with a spoon

"Made myself a cake"...for her birthday?! Your OP is all about you, perhaps not surprising that she is acting out to get your attention. Separately, why would you leave a cake out when you know there is a not very well behaved 5 year old likely to be about, and why were you asleep if she was up and about?

She gets no cake and a valuable lesson about natural consequences and respect, and then maybe you can find some ways to give her positive attention on her birthday.

Naughty dear daughter ?

I’m amazed the 4 year old remembered it was mum’s birthday and did a card to wake her with.

To be fair, you can’t blame a dog for pinching cake. My cat stole bacon once. It’s gonna happen 😬

To be fair, you can’t blame a dog for pinching cake. My cat stole bacon once. It’s gonna happen

Mine opened the freezer door and ate a whole frozen chicken including most of the plastic bag which came though in a very recognisable state.

My cat used to steal next doors washing and bring it home- popping round to your neighbour clutching their knickers or bra is an interesting experience- especially by the 3rd house as you try and find the owners.

As pps have said, she isn't doing anything unusual for an unsupervised 4yr old who doesn't appear to have normal parental boundaries.

I too think your reference to a day without crying, and attributing adult motivation to her behaviour speaks volumes. If you're always so over emotional it's hardly surprising she doesn't know what does/ doesn't upset you, far as she's probably concerned mummy cries everyday anyway.

And if you find it hard to calmly explain what it is she has done wrong and why, because you fear saying something hurtful, you can't expect her to learn.

And I agree with the pp who said your op is all about you. I know it's shit to have little money, but as far as any parent is concerned it's normal to go without yourself if it's the only way to celebrate your child's birthday. Something you do without a second thought or worth mentioning. But your op implies she should be somehow grateful for your sacrifice. As an adult, maybe, but as a child no way.

I don’t feel so bad about my dog stealing my toast this morning!

This doesn't sound like a wind-up. Every now and then there is a thread from a mother like this on here. Hugely self-absorbed, feel they're missing out on something that's their due, resent their child/ren (or just one of them), overreact beyond all comprehension to standard kid behaviour because they interpret it as personal slights.

I concur with some of the posters above, OP. Get help to get your relationship with your 'ndd' sorted. Poor child.

I agree with others that there is something strange in the tone of your post, and the way you are seeing her behaviour as deliberate. You sound like you are near the end of your tether and ascribing more intentional malice to these actions than really exists. What is your support like? Do you have family, a partner, friends you can call on? Maybe you need some adult time out? You sound like you aren't feeling very looked after right now, and this is affecting your feelings as a mother. Sorry you're going through this.

Namechange Did you lose your glasses? Read the very first sentence again.

Feeling picked on by your child is not uncommon, but you should seek some help with it. Could you start with the GP or school? Do you have supportive family or friends who could rally around? As she’s 5 she’s still young enough for you to have access to lots of good groups provided by CAMHS depending where you are in th country.

Aibu to have wanted just my birthday to be a day where I don't cry, don't feel like she hates me, and don't just want to be mean?

she made you a card and came up to your room to wake you with it? was she prompted by a DH or DP? If not can't you see how lovely that is?

She doesnt hate you or want to punish you she is 4 and attention seeking. Try and focus on the positive things she has done. Go and speak to her and explain why her actions made you sad but also say how pleased you were with your card. Then when you speak to a family member tell them about the lovely card she made and make a big fuss of it. Use lots of praise. If you are calling her Naughty dear daughter then she will be picking up on the fact she is labelled like that.

24 years ahead of you. Poor thing. She sounds terrritorial and like a thug. Sorry about the cake. She needs to learn. No cake for a month. She will remember.

I doubt she is being malicious OP, she is 4. However there should be proper concequences! Not sending to her room and you crying, you're the parent.

Also waiting to hear what NDD is.

I'd have actually been relieved it was a spoon that she took to the cake and not a knife, otherwise you may have needed more than a few plasters to fix that one.

Fwiw my dd is 10 and I still have to hide plasters; there's something about a new box that results in a exponential increase in plaster need 🤨

I have a 4year old she’s drew on her Wendy house, doors etc and helped herself to dh lunch box often when my back is turned seeing to the baby . She even been in my make up box. She gets told off and that’s the end of it no need for the crying it’s an OTT reaction. She sounds bored and typically getting up mischief. I do wonder why you are when this happens.

At 4 she shouldn't be allowed free reign downstairs

I have no idea what's going on

You're talking about an almost five year-old?

You are attributing adult motivation to a small child. Stop it.

Put things away securely if you don't want her to reach and play with them. She's just curious and playful = being a child.

Placemarking to see what NDD means, though it looks like the OP isn't coming back to enlighten us!