To want just one day where I don't get upset by my ndds behaviour

[paranoidanxiety2018]

So today is my birthday, and as we don't have much money I saved the little we do have for my dds birthday (which is Tuesday), and made myself a cake. The sponge cam out beautifully and is probably my best yet. I left it on the side to cool over night ready to decorate. I was woken by my ndd (5 on Tues) at 7am wishing me a happy birthday with a cuddle and a card she made, only to walk in to the kitchen and find she'd taken a spoon and destroyed my cake!!
Why my stuff?? It was going to be a thing of beauty with vanilla buttercream icing and half strawberries all over .
In the last 2 weeks she has broken or almost about 4 items that mean alot to me or things that I desperately needed. Like the whole brand new box of plasters, may seem stupid, but I split the crease of my toe right open (she knew about) and needed those plasters to keep the split clean, dry and fixed to prevent it splitting more, I had no money to buy more. My hobby involving 3 weeks of hard work she came into my bedroom and drew all over it in the early hours.
She doesn't do this to her own things and is in fact the most careful child I have ever met when it comes to her things... so why mine??
Aibu to have wanted just my birthday to be a day where I don't cry, don't feel like she hates me, and don't just want to be mean??
I really really wanted to say something to her, anything to get my hurt and frustration out but i managed to stop myself, realising tht it would solve nothing and only make her as upset as me, so just said "Go to ur room, please"

Not Dear Daughter?

I don't know what an NDD is so I'm going to assume it's your daughter.
You simply can't leave a 4 yo to roam About downstairs alone whilst you have a lie in. Of course she will help herself to a cake on the side.
You need to move anything which is precious, these things are tempting to little kids especially if they know you like them.
However if they do silly things like using all the plasters you can tell them off.
It sounds like you have stuff 'left out' in your house which should really be better put away, to stop little people being nosy / ruining stuff?

Paranoid anxiety is a term used in object relations theory, particularity in discussions about the Paranoid-schizoid and depressive positions. The term was frequently used by Melanie Klein, especially to refer to a pre-depressive and persecutory sense of anxiety characterised by the psychological splitting of objects.

I think the clue may be in the user name- a joke thread that isn't funny.

Some kids have good self control at 5, some don’t. If she doesn’t she needs supervising. If you can’t supervise you need lockable cupboards/doors etc

My theory - dd = dear/darling daughter, so ndd = not dear/darling daughter.

I don’t know a single 4 year old that wouldn’t help themselves to some cake left on the counter if they woke up hungry and were alone downstairs. Unless someone had specifically said “you must not touch this cake - it’s for mummy’s birthday”

banging got there first!

She does sound like she’s got too much time/freedom to roam around unattended. And she’s too young to really understand about plasters for your feet or leaving a cake unless explicitly told to. It sounds like your expectations are a bit high and then you are being disappointed by her. I think adjusting your parenting of her a bit would make things much easier for you both.

But a 5 year old in potentially a chaotic house with a parent who doesn't get up to feed her will find her own food - maybe that is why she ate the cake

What a bloody assumption! Nothing has been said to indicate it's a chaotic household and OP said her daughter woke her at 7 - it's not like it was midday and she'd been left to fend for herself for hours until the options were taking the cake or starving! You are putting 2 and 2 together and getting 20 by suggesting that OP doesnt get up to feed her daughter!

Abbreviations on Mumsnet have got out of control. I thought we'd reached peak insanity when a poster kept referring to her pets: 'DF' and 'DH1'; respectively Dear Fish and Dear Hamster One. On another thread someone went to great pains to explain her dilemma with 'DNDNH' - Dear next doors neighbour's husband. I think I shut down my laptop for the evening after that.

I am assuming she is your daughter.
She is 4.
She is doing stuff bored 4 year olds do.
She shouldn't do it but it doesn't mean she is out of control.
Your attitude to what she does and why she does it is worrying.

She is a very young child. You are an adult. Take control of the situation and stop imagining that your child hates you and is doing things to get at you.

Keep things out of reach (wouldn't the sponge dry up if left out anyway?) and TELL your DD (if that's what an NDD is) to leave things alone. Give and enforce boundaries.

She woke you with a cuddle, card and said happy birthday, but you're saying it's like she hates you?

This is unacceptable behaviour from a nearly five year old. You need to tell her off. You're allowed to tell her off when she misbehaves. Sending her to her room will not fix her behaviour.

What a bloody assumption! Nothing has been said to indicate it's a chaotic household and OP said her daughter woke her at 7 - it's not like it was midday and she'd been left to fend for herself for hours until the options were taking the cake or starving! You are putting 2 and 2 together and getting 20 by suggesting that OP doesnt get up to feed her daughter!

No I am not- I said potentially chaotic and that "maybe' that was why she ate the cake. Read the post before spouting off please.

I actually thought this was your adult neighbour at first, and wondered why the hell she was letting herself into your kitchen to eat cake! But its your DD youre talking about??

What’s ndd? Any young child would eat a birthday cake left out on a counter while they are sitting starving for breakfast while their mum lies in bed .

Read the post before spouting off please.

Right... you're the one inventing imaginary scenarios and suggesting OP doesnt get up to feed her child, but it's me who's spouting off. Got it...

Assuming she is your child, if you’re uncomfortable putting in boundaries yourself, speak to her school about what works there and implement it at home.

Get (more?) help with your MH.

4 year olds can be destructive if left to it , how is she getting oppprtunities to Detroit things ? If my daughter goes upstairs and is quiet I’d be suspicious she was up to something .

VladmirsPoutine blimey!

It's a cake. One day you and your '-' , (fill in the blank) - will laugh about this

And I hate abbreviations I spend half my time trying to work them out

I'm placemarking just to find out what an NDD is.

I also wondered what NDD was. My kids used to ruin everything when they were small, so I feel your pain. However, if you know she's the type to wreck things, its better to keep them out of reach o locked away.

Mother of 4 boys age 10 to 5 years, like apes at the zoo fighting over a banana and that's a great quiet day! Average 4 yr old is a demolition machine on legs at the best of time. she will mature and respect your things as she grows. You just need to keep telling her, she will eventually

Next door neighbours daughter? 🤔