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Original poster

To want just one day where I don't get upset by my ndds behaviour

202 replies

paranoidanxiety2018 · 30/05/2018 09:26

So today is my birthday, and as we don't have much money I saved the little we do have for my dds birthday (which is Tuesday), and made myself a cake. The sponge cam out beautifully and is probably my best yet. I left it on the side to cool over night ready to decorate. I was woken by my ndd (5 on Tues) at 7am wishing me a happy birthday with a cuddle and a card she made, only to walk in to the kitchen and find she'd taken a spoon and destroyed my cake!!
Why my stuff?? It was going to be a thing of beauty with vanilla buttercream icing and half strawberries all over .
In the last 2 weeks she has broken or almost about 4 items that mean alot to me or things that I desperately needed. Like the whole brand new box of plasters, may seem stupid, but I split the crease of my toe right open (she knew about) and needed those plasters to keep the split clean, dry and fixed to prevent it splitting more, I had no money to buy more. My hobby involving 3 weeks of hard work she came into my bedroom and drew all over it in the early hours.
She doesn't do this to her own things and is in fact the most careful child I have ever met when it comes to her things... so why mine??
Aibu to have wanted just my birthday to be a day where I don't cry, don't feel like she hates me, and don't just want to be mean??
I really really wanted to say something to her, anything to get my hurt and frustration out but i managed to stop myself, realising tht it would solve nothing and only make her as upset as me, so just said "Go to ur room, please"

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/05/2018 09:55

Further to my post upthread. I’m meant to have consequences for destroying your art stuff. For eating a bit of cake and the plasters, you need to talk to her. She’s only 4.

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/05/2018 09:55

How was she in your bedroom in the early hours of the morning, able to draw over something you'd made?

Did you not wake up?

fleshmarketclose · 30/05/2018 09:57

She's only 4 just a little girl and probably doesn't grasp the consequences of her actions. She won't mean it maliciously. Much of what you write could be avoided though if you put things out of reach and insist she doesn't go downstairs without you in a morning and stays in her room after bedtime.

Inertia · 30/05/2018 09:57

Who is ndd ?

Furano · 30/05/2018 09:58

Sounds like you’re he problem! She’s 4. You let her up and about in the mornings unsupervised.

speakout · 30/05/2018 09:59

I'm not really getting this.

So your 4 yo found a cake in the kitchen while you were having a lie in and helped herself?
Sounds fairly typical behaviour for a 4 yo I'd say.

And plasters? Again fun things for a small child. Plasters belong in a first aid kit which is out of reach.

And your artwork?
I assume there were materials lying around the artwork and this kid was having a little dabble herself.

I don't see any of them as being very bad behaviour, more a case of you leaving stuff around.

None of this is an indication that your child hates you, the fact that you are "mean" every day and cry is a suggestion that you are not coping.

I think you need to focus on your actions rather than blaming your child.

Echobelly · 30/05/2018 10:00

Young kids do have a compulsion to interfere with things sometimes. DS (6) drives DH in particular to distraction with his frequent fidgeting with a breaking stuff and won't stop doing it no matter how many times he's told. I just take the line that no amount of telling will stop kids that age doing that and you have to take this kind of thing happening.

OP, sounds like it's more significant things DD has wrecked, and that she's still too little to really get she can't do whatever she wants with things. I'm sure it's nothing personal, even though it feels like she's careful with her own stuff - framing it that way will only make you more upset and won't help her understand.

For the time being it does sound like the best thing is to keep things well out of her way because she might still be too young to get the message and just not help herself when she sees something that she wants to 'interact' with.

Branleuse · 30/05/2018 10:01

what is NDD, is it your dd?

Furano · 30/05/2018 10:01

This reply has been deleted

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TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 30/05/2018 10:01

OP you said where I don't cry, don't feel like she hates me, and don't just want to be mean??. Then you didn't say much to her about the cake 'because it would upset her'.

It sounds like you're not drawing the boundaries firmly enough. Whether you don't want her to hate you more, or whether you feel you have to make it up to her that you don't have much money or whatever, she's doing this because you let her and there are no consequences.

I doubt she hates you, but it does sound like she doesn't respect you. She's old enough to understand that those are your things and that she has no right to destroy them. Give her consequences. Yes when you do she might say that she hates you, she's too young to understand subtle differences in types of emotion. But stand your ground and in time things will get better, not worse. And in the meantime put anything you have that is important to you well out of reach.

KarmaStar · 30/05/2018 10:01

Think this is a joke thread

WinkysTeatowel · 30/05/2018 10:03

Some consequences... explain that she upset you and it was mean. Ask how she would feel. She needs to start to understand some empathy. 5 is old enough to start to understand what is right and wrong even if only after the event.

blaaake · 30/05/2018 10:03

What the fucking hell is an NDD. You can't just go making up acronyms, for fuck sake. It took me long enough to grasp the ones we already have.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 30/05/2018 10:06

You’re not supervising her if she is able to cause all that damage. She is 4. You’re a lot older than 4. In fact, you’re the parent. It’s actually your job to put stuff out of her reach and supervise her so she is safe. The stuff she damaged could easily have been her own skin or eyes or head Ben g damaged.

coffeekittens · 30/05/2018 10:07

I hope this is a joke thread. Your poor DD.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 30/05/2018 10:10

I’m still none the wiser of what an NDD is. If the N does stand for naughty, I would think it sad that you have labelled her. She’s 4, keep things out of the way. I know my DC would have found it hard to not play with art supplies or eat cake and they aren’t naughty. You say it was morning, she was up, you’re in bed, maybe she was hungry.

dailymailsucksbigtime · 30/05/2018 10:12

If this is your daughter you need to go to your GP TODAY and ask fro help.

The way that you are talking about her is not normal. You do not seem to have a mother daughter/attachment.

Gromance02 · 30/05/2018 10:12

Is this your dd? Well she isn't getting a birthday cake now obviously is she?

Tp4mybung · 30/05/2018 10:12

4 year olds need supervision.
If you don't supervise them, they will break/mess up/eat things because they are 4 year olds.
You cannot leave a 4 year old unsupervised because you think you deserve a lie in.
Having a child involves actually parenting and teaching them what is acceptable/unacceptable behaviour.

Agree with PP who says you're assigning adult premeditation to your daughters actions. This is really worrying, you seem to have an awful victim complex and seem very emotionally immature. You need help. You seeing your DD (I dread to think what the "N" stands for) as an aggressor out to hurt you is a sure fire way to irreparably fuck her up.

TheShapeOfEwe · 30/05/2018 10:15

The daughter is 5 on Tuesday - so barely 4. That's old enough to know she shouldn't helping herself to a cake or drawing on things. It sounds like there aren't age-appropriate consequences for her actions and that's the issue.

dailymailsucksbigtime · 30/05/2018 10:17

The daughter is 5 on Tuesday - so barely 4. That's old enough to know she shouldn't helping herself to a cake or drawing on things. It sounds like there aren't age-appropriate consequences for her actions and that's the issue.

But a 5 year old in potentially a chaotic house with a parent who doesn't get up to feed her will find her own food - maybe that is why she ate the cake?

Worlds0kayestmum · 30/05/2018 10:17

She's 4. Put some consistent consequences in place and cut her some slack, she's not doing things purposely to upset you. I think you are placing adult expectations onto a child

WorraLiberty · 30/05/2018 10:19

This is about the 4th thread I've read in a week where there's an abbreviation, that doesn't make sense. Even Google hasn't been able to help Confused

I'm all for saving a nanosecond of time, but not if it leads to so much confusion.

Lethaldrizzle · 30/05/2018 10:20

Ndd- never do drugs

Shiftymake · 30/05/2018 10:22

Why doesn't she get any consequences? And why are you hiding your emotions, not saying go on full blubbing effecting, but show her that her actions were not ok and explain why. My son gets a warning and then looses something for a set amount of time if he doesn't stop what needs to stop.

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