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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder how I was supposed to use this toilet?

387 replies

sleepingdragons · 29/05/2018 23:42

DD and I got drenched in the rain today, proper torrential rain! DD's skirt was soaked through.

We were on our way to meet family for lunch, so we headed there and I took DD to the toilet.

DD was freezing. My plan had been to strip her bottom half to her pants in the ladies and hold her skirt under the hand dryer for as long as I could.

But when I got to the toilet I found it was unisex. There were a bunch of cubicles coming off a busy communal sink area, with a couple of middle aged men in there when I got there, and more men coming and going while we were there.

What would you do in this situation? What do you think I should have done?

Also - AIBU to think that restaurants and cafes are going to use the new trend for unisex facilities as a cost cutting measure, so we're going to see loads more of this kind of thing?

OP posts:
Bahhhhhumbug · 30/05/2018 01:51

The noise of the damn thing with no reprieve between users would be enough for me to have a 'look' on my face. I think you mistook annoyance for discomfort.

Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 01:57

I think you mistook annoyance for discomfort

I doubt it, it was a particularly quiet drier as it happens.
Upside down V shape thingy, blue lights along it, in case there happens to be a hand dryer expert reading who vouch I'm not making it up. This it was a dyson?

And I didn't get an annoyed vibe, not a bit. It was more slightly uncomfortable / embarrassed. One gave me an awkward smile. It might have been nothing to do with the drying, perhaps they just felt awkward about the unisex loos in general, I know loads of blokes who would feel awkward in unisex loos.

Or maybe he was a dad and was trying to show solidarity and it came out wrong.

Or maybe he thought drying clothes in a toilet was embarrassingly inappropriate.

I have no idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 01:58

Should say, Think* it was a dyson,

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/05/2018 02:05

I thought the whole 'what if I walk out of the cubicle with my hands dripping with period blood' thing was weird,

Seriously somebody really said that? I should be surprised but having heard somebody complain that the anti drug blue lighting in a toilet was discriminatory against women because they couldn't see their period blood, I'm not at all surprised.

Charolais · 30/05/2018 02:19

Here in the States the toilet cubicles have smaller doors that don’t fully cover - ie.; a big gap an adult could crawl under on the bottom and gaps of an inch or more around the door. (I have sat on the toilet and seen myself reflected in the mirror above the sinks at one Walmart restroom/toilets). Obama wanted to make these places gender neutral ffs!!! The dumb arse said segregated toilets were sexual discrimination and he planned to stop it.

There was a time America put men on the moon but that dip-shit wanted to put men in the ladies toilets. His plan was to open up university and school showers/toilets/changing rooms/locker-rooms, all public facilities, to all genders.

Perverts wouldn’t have to stand behind a bush in their rain coats anymore to flash his willy at girls. Obama wanted to make it legal for them to follow girls/women into the toilets or changing rooms and do it not only legally but in well lit comfort.

This was one of the many reasons Obama’s party is out of power - identity politics not Russia.

End of rant.

Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 02:29

Take your coat or cardigan off, and wrap it round her while you dry her skirt. Why did the rain only hit her skirt?

No cardigan, my coat was drenched.

Rain hit her coat and skirt. Coat drenched, skirt drenched, socks & shoes drenched, jumper damp, tshirt dry.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 02:31

Charolais those US toilets are weird! Why don't you have doors that give you privacy?

Don't people mind?

OP posts:
nokidshere · 30/05/2018 02:39

If her skirt was so wet it couldn't be worn I would have just taken it off and partially dried it 7nder the dryer. Pants and t shirt are no different to being on a beach or at the pool and it could have been done without drawing attention to yourself.

AjasLipstick · 30/05/2018 02:48

I would have just held her under the air or gone and got her a new skirt. Even a charity shop would do.

EveningShadows · 30/05/2018 02:58

I’m in my 40s and remember going to unisex toilets on the continent over 30 years ago - I haven’t travelled extensively enough to know if they’re all unisex but there’s certainly plenty of them!

It genuinely doesn’t bother me in the slightest, and as a mum if boys it would be a godsend to be able to go in the loos with them as, even though my youngest is 9, he still sometimes requires a little help and supervision in the toilet, which I can no longer provide.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 30/05/2018 04:55

Couldn't she just have worn ds' long coat?

I"m bit sure why you are assuming the men to be "strange", when presumably, they were the ones fully clothed and using the facilities as they were intended.

Also, you seem very fixated on not being able to sort yourself/clothes in the "ladies", which these facilities weren't. You weren't any more entitled to have a private facility for your sex than the men were.

Amanduh · 30/05/2018 05:06

There’s not much you could have done. I don’t like unisex toilets though.

thebewilderness · 30/05/2018 05:17

Why should toilets be assumed to be changing rooms/laundry?

They have always been a convenience for women to use in these ways. Why should they suddenly not be? What changed?

Shadow666 · 30/05/2018 05:19

My old work also had urinals along one wall and cubicles along the other. Unisex toilets aren’t really a new thing.

I have 4 kids and definitely don’t have the patience to dry clothes under a hand dryer. I’d just have headed to my relatives house and ask to borrow a t shirt there and hung my kids clothes up to dry.

PlumsGalore · 30/05/2018 05:33

I think you should have brought an umbrella 🌂

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/05/2018 06:28

Your dd is 5. So what if men felt uncomfortable about her presence. If your coat was too wet to wrap round her, the choices were to dry her skirt perhaps with her coat tied round her waist, leave her wet or go and obtain dry clothes from somewhere whether that meant a taxi ride or other.

Sleepyblueocean · 30/05/2018 06:31

You can't expect a restaurant to offer clothes changing and drying facilities.

BartholinsSister · 30/05/2018 06:32

I guess her Dad would have had to take her to the same place, or into men's facilities.

SharronNeedles · 30/05/2018 06:33

No idea what you actually want here OP.
You say you're asking WWYD but then telling people no. Several have already said either A) left DD in the toilet cubicle or B) had her stood next to them in her pants/wrapped in another item of clothing (DS's coat, her jumper tied around her waist etc)

You found a solution to your problem that worked...so now what?

I know plenty of women who wouldn't get changed in the general toilet area or do any of what you've mentioned in there. Dodgy bra? Into the cubicle. Change of clothes? Into the cubicle. Change a tampon? Into the cubicle. Put on makeup? Don't really need privacy for that, and I'm fairly certain that the mens folk aren't going to be horrified to learn that I don't naturally have a jet black like running across my eyelid.

You're looking for an issue where there isn't one. You didn't lose your privacy. The hand dryer would have taken just as long if it was a female toilet. The rain isn't the unisex toilet's fault either. As for the men looking embarrassed? Could be that they just felt a bit sorry for you, or were slightly startled by seeing you having to dry a skirt under the hand dryer. Or maybe the awkwardness you felt was because your were stomping around, full of hell that they were in your space. Who knows the reason, but my DH would have smiled and tried to keep out of your way out of empathy as he is also a parent, and a person.

SmileEachDay · 30/05/2018 06:41

So the take away from this thread, wimmz, is that if you are uncomfortable with men in your space, you should go (stay?) at home.

And that any exploration of the potential issues is hysteria.

Out of interest OP, did the violet meringue taste like Parma Violets?

Etymology23 · 30/05/2018 06:53

All the people talking about the toilets with urinals in - I genuinely believe that if that is all that is provided it would be breaking the law for the workplace.

www.hse.gov.uk/contact/faqs/toilets.htm

Pretty sure a run of urinals is not a separate room.

Also, yes op - I have had to dry myself off, sort out my make up and do other bits in public toilets. This is not their primary function, but it is a secondary utilisable feature, and loss of it makes them less useful. I don’t mind unisex loos, I do mind them not being self contained.

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 30/05/2018 07:05

Honestly OP, do you really need to ask? Run the shop, charity shop whichever nearer to buy a new skirt, or even better, always carry a spare set of clothes round with you. Never, ever take your child's clothes off in a public area. Who cares if someone has to wait longer for the loo, if it was a toss up between that and undressing my child in public, I know what I'd chose. You've have taken her straight home to change.

Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 07:07

gone and got her a new skirt. Even a charity shop would do

Should I have cancelled the cheque before or after?

OP posts:
TheShapeOfEwe · 30/05/2018 07:08

I don't think you can blame unisex toilets for the fact that you needed specific facilities to make up for your lack of preparation. Like you said earlier, you wouldn't have minded if there had been no hand dryer at all because you know they don't need to provide one - so why do you mind about this? Hmm

It's not always feasible for places to have single sex toilets - constraints of space etc. It's not really an issue because most people don't use the loos for anything other than doing their business and washing their hands, both of which are fine in unisex facilities.

YABU for thinking your unusual and specific situation should have been catered to in this way.

Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 07:08

Couldn't she just have worn ds' long coat?

It was soaked! Tell me, have you been in a storm before? What happens to your outerwear?

OP posts:
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