Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder how I was supposed to use this toilet?

387 replies

sleepingdragons · 29/05/2018 23:42

DD and I got drenched in the rain today, proper torrential rain! DD's skirt was soaked through.

We were on our way to meet family for lunch, so we headed there and I took DD to the toilet.

DD was freezing. My plan had been to strip her bottom half to her pants in the ladies and hold her skirt under the hand dryer for as long as I could.

But when I got to the toilet I found it was unisex. There were a bunch of cubicles coming off a busy communal sink area, with a couple of middle aged men in there when I got there, and more men coming and going while we were there.

What would you do in this situation? What do you think I should have done?

Also - AIBU to think that restaurants and cafes are going to use the new trend for unisex facilities as a cost cutting measure, so we're going to see loads more of this kind of thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 07:10

No idea what you actually want here OP

I've explained it clearly several times.

Shout out to all the morning crowd who don't RTFT!

OP posts:
Mrscog · 30/05/2018 07:13

I’d have just carried on, presumably she had pants on?

Aridane · 30/05/2018 07:14

So the take away from this thread, wimmz, is that if you are uncomfortable with men in your space, you should go (stay?) at home.

Not sure anyone has said or implied that at all

SharronNeedles · 30/05/2018 07:15

Usually it's just the outside of the coat that get wet... Unless it wasn't waterproof?

PeakPants · 30/05/2018 07:17

Oh ffs, talk about making a huge fuss over relatively little. No issue at all with a little girl standing in pants in a toilet even if men are walking through it. You were there and she was not at risk and I hope to god you aren't teaching her already that she should never be in any state of undress around a man. A 5 yo would not have minded. After all, if she was out and about with her dad rather than you, this would all have had to happen in a male toilet as adult men are not allowed into female toilet facilities.

I know the rain was heavy yesterday but I think you are massively over-egging how wet the skirt was, how terrible this all was, how everything would have been absolutely fine if there weren't unisex toilets. You had no guarantee they would have a hand-dryer in any event.

SharronNeedles · 30/05/2018 07:18

Read the full thing thanks. You're not looking for advice, your problem had been solved already and you shout down everyone's suggestion....so it seems you just want an argument/debate/riot

londonrach · 30/05/2018 07:19

Waitrose sells clothes

PeakPants · 30/05/2018 07:20

So the take away from this thread, wimmz, is that if you are uncomfortable with men in your space, you should go (stay?) at home.

A unisex toilet is nothing at all like a predatory man seeking to gain access to a women's rape crisis centre. It's not even comparable.

There are many men who are primary carers and have to take their daughters to the toilet when they are out. There is no risk to a 5 yo standing next to her mother in her underwear while the mum uses the hand-dryer. Your rights are not being violated because this restaurant has a unisex toilet.

toolonglurking · 30/05/2018 07:20

I think you sound quite ridiculous. DD could simply stand next to you in her pants (tights?) and you dried her skirt to the best of your ability. None of the 'strange' men could 'do' anything with you right there, and you really don't need to make such a scene.

And honestly I imagine they were giving you funny looks because you were being so dramatic. Yes you were all soaked, but it's water, not acid. Also, I assume all these 'strange' men had noticed the rain too, so they would have been pretty aware of what you were doing.

Shadow666 · 30/05/2018 07:22

The urinal and cubicle thing is quite common in other countries.

Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 07:22

SmileEachDay it seems to be, yes. If we don't like it we should go home seems to be the message.

Hard to tell if people really are happy with this IRL or if it's just the usual AIBU response, people do love to have a go here don't they! But either way it's interesting - if depressing - so how people react to us losing this space we've all taken for granted for so long.

It's the first time I've been in unisex toilets outside of a nightclub environment and it did feel weird. I know I'm not the only one who felt weird about it either, and I suspect many of the people arguing here would feel odd in RL in this situation, even if they say they won't.

My mum asked the same question about the meringue! It did, yes, if you ate just a bit of meringue on its own! But subtly, not in an overpowering way. I don't much like palma violets yet I loved this.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 07:25

I think you are massively over-egging how wet the skirt was

Nope.

I had to wring my scarf out, for example. It waa like it had been run under a tap.

OP posts:
EggysMom · 30/05/2018 07:26

What would I have done? Probably moaned on Mumsnet like you have. Although I don't change clothes in public in women's toilets (I'm more a cubicle person), I can understand the problem you had - it would have been more acceptable in women's toilets to have your 5yo daughter stood in knickers very close to you whilst you dried her skirt; in a unisex toilet that would have been weird.

However, other than a moan, I don't think there is any outcome to this. More places will install unisex toilets because they save space and also save embarrassment for trans people having to make an obvious choice. The shops/restaurants are thinking in terms of people using their toilets for the intended purpose, rather than for changing or drying wet clothes. You know that it would be unreasonable to ask them to provide separate toilets just to accommodate 'what if's'.

TheShapeOfEwe · 30/05/2018 07:27

Hard to tell if people really are happy with this IRL or if it's just the usual AIBU response, people do love to have a go here don't they!

People always say this about AIBU when they don't get the response they want. They ignore hundreds of totally supportive threads where advice and hand holding and empathy are offered, and just assume that they didn't hear what they wanted to because people always have a go in AIBU.

The reality is, OP, sometimes you really are just being unreasonable.

PeakPants · 30/05/2018 07:27

so how people react to us losing this space we've all taken for granted for so long.

I will hep you along here. This has fuck all to do with self-ID or 'losing space'. This is a unisex toilet. In some countries, they are the norm. It has nothing to do with men self-IDing as women or anything like that, so you are in no way 'losing space'. It has nothing to do with the law or government policies, unless you can point me to legislation that mandates that a restaurant must have separate toilet facilities. Your daughter was not at risk- you chose to make what could have been a simple situation much more complicated just to prove a point.

Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 07:27

Not sure anyone has said or implied that at all

Several people have told me that DD and I should have gone home / to relatives house.

OP posts:
PeakPants · 30/05/2018 07:30

it would have been more acceptable in women's toilets to have your 5yo daughter stood in knickers very close to you whilst you dried her skirt; in a unisex toilet that would have been weird.

Why? And surely unisex is good where kids are just with the dad? Not all kids have a mum and we need to break down the stereotype that only mothers can be primary carers for kids because of e.g. toilet facilities. Loads of countries e.g. in Scandinavia have largely unisex toilets. Interestingly, they have greater gender equality.

Furano · 30/05/2018 07:30

How would I have used the toilet?

I’d have gone in to the cubicle. Pulled down my pants and had a wee. Come out of the cubicle and washed my hands.

What you want to know is ‘how could I have sorted my soaking wet daughter out because I didn’t put her in appropriate clothes’

That’s a different question.

If she was THAT wet I’d have bought her a new outfit or gone home.

Some friends and I got caught out is a massive thunderstorm a few years ago - rain drops bouncing back up as high as our thighs. Totally soaked. Had to cancel our dinner plans and return to the nearest flat where we all got changed into friends PJs whilst she put our clothes in the tumble dryer and ordered deliveroo!

Slitherout · 30/05/2018 07:31

So now she had a jumper that was thankfully just damp - you take her in a cubicle, take the skirt off, let her wear the jumper as an avant garde skirt and wring her skirt out well before letting it dry while you have your meal (put it on the back of a chair, over someone's bag etc, can't say without knowing every tiny detail), sorted.

There really is no need for separate toilets just so they can be used for unintended purposes like drying clothes. If you can't do it in a cubicle then it doesn't need privacy afaik. If you're off far from home & shops where rain or accidents would be hard to manage take a basic change of essentials with you (in a carrier bag inside your bag so it's waterproof). There are other ways than expecting a toilet than can handle laundry emergencies.

Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 07:35

This has fuck all to do with self-ID or 'losing space'.

This has everything to do with it.

Single sex toilets are the norm in this country. But this partly because women fought for this. www.museumoflondon.org.uk/discover/womens-right-work-toilet-bathroom-victorian-london-wwi-factory-protest

It cost more money to build two seperate facilities.

If it's now socially acceptable to have unisex - because of self ID, disingenuous to say it isn't - then we'll see loads more of them because there's such a financial incentive to do it.

OP posts:
Sleepyblueocean · 30/05/2018 07:39

Unisex toilets make sense in places where there is limited space for toilets. Incidentally the old arrangements of only single sex with no separate unisex disabled mean that my son cannot have his toileting needs sorted. In some places he still can't because the accessible isn't accessible enough.

TheShapeOfEwe · 30/05/2018 07:40

Only on Mumsnet would a person paint their failure to prepare for a totally normal weather event as an issue about self ID 🙄

NewYearmorestress · 30/05/2018 07:40

For a 5 year old, with a waitrose nearby I would have bought some safety pins, tea towels and made a skirt/sarong type garment to cover their lower half.

TheGrumpySquirrel · 30/05/2018 07:41

I hate this, I refuse to go to restaurants that have a communal sink area with men (eg Caravan) even if the cubicles are "designated" M or F. I do not want to hear blokes doing their business, or have them hear me, nor do I want to see them when I come out of the loo and wash my hands / adjust my makeup / clothes in front of the mirror. It's weird and uncomfortable at best.

PeakPants · 30/05/2018 07:41

Good news OP! There are apparently single sex toilets and changing facilities available in Granary Square according to this helpful map. So in the future you can use those.

www.kingscross.co.uk/media/Kings-Cross-Accessibility-Map.pdf