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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder how I was supposed to use this toilet?

387 replies

sleepingdragons · 29/05/2018 23:42

DD and I got drenched in the rain today, proper torrential rain! DD's skirt was soaked through.

We were on our way to meet family for lunch, so we headed there and I took DD to the toilet.

DD was freezing. My plan had been to strip her bottom half to her pants in the ladies and hold her skirt under the hand dryer for as long as I could.

But when I got to the toilet I found it was unisex. There were a bunch of cubicles coming off a busy communal sink area, with a couple of middle aged men in there when I got there, and more men coming and going while we were there.

What would you do in this situation? What do you think I should have done?

Also - AIBU to think that restaurants and cafes are going to use the new trend for unisex facilities as a cost cutting measure, so we're going to see loads more of this kind of thing?

OP posts:
Pardalis · 30/05/2018 00:47

Ok. In practical terms.
5 year old dd stands next to me in underwear whilst I dry her skirt under dryer. Whilst apologising for using the hand drier to dry a skirt and holding up the hand dryer queue

sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 00:55

See, once I post what I did, the conversation probably stops, doesn't it.

Because, I did find a solution, but I was interested in what other people would do in a similar situation.

FWIW, this was the solution today.

We got to the restaurant, I got the DC to take off their outerwear. DS was wearing a long coat so not that much of his bottoms were wet.

I took DD to the toilet, found it busy with strange men there.

Now, I'm not in the habit of travelling with clothes for my DD as she so rarely needs them. I do, however, travel with spare bottoms for my older boy as he sometimes has accidents still.

So, I had a spare pair of shorts in my bag, massively too big for DD, but still, better than notheing. Unfortunately the rain had soaked through my bag also, so they were wet too, but not anywhere near soaking like the skirt.

So DD and I traipsed back through the restaurant, got the shorts, back to the toilet, held the shorts under the dryer till they were acceptable then changed, back to table.

We were at the hand dryer for a while - moving out of the way when someone needed to dry their hands. I was aware, standing there, that a couple of the men seemed a bit uncomfortable with our presence, and standing there I got thinking about us losing our men-free spaces and what it means in small ways.

I'm well aware of the big arguments about the dangers of predatory men accessing female spaces, but today got me thinking about all the small ways I take access to men-free space for granted, and not only do I not want to lose it, I don't understand the "etiquette" of the new unisex spaces, I wondered if anyone else here did.

So far, I seem to be learning, if we don't like it, go home. Which seems a shame.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 30/05/2018 00:59

The go home point though is Notre about leaving her in soaking wet clothes. The hand drier child have been broken, they could have not had one. You'd have been in the same position of wet lunch or home.

And whilst I don't disagree that it might feel weird (in both directions) the point is that it is a toilet, nothing else. There's nothing that I do outside of the cubicle that I couldn't do in front of men

sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 00:59

Also, to add to the mix, DD is a bit freaked out by hand dryers, she won't use them to dry her hands. There's no way I could have got her to stand under it with her skirt - she wouldn't have been high up enough anyway.

It had to be me holding it in my hands.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/05/2018 01:00

I'm still wondering what you need men free space for in a wash your hands area, also where the hell this area of London was that had nothing but a waitrose and 2 restaurants

sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 01:01

the point is that it is a toilet, nothing else

I don't think that is the point though. It used to be a ladies toilet. Now it's a unisex toilet. It's a different things and people use them differently.

You might only use them to go to the toilet, but other people use them for various reasons.

Have you never used a public toilet to get changed?

OP posts:
SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/05/2018 01:01

Sorry you got such a bunch of sneery replies OP. Sometimes, the first few posters do rather set a tone that others feel compelled to follow.

In the real world, yes, sometimes people have to get young DC changed in public bathrooms. And yes, in the real world, some people would be uncomfortable about the fact that men would be using the room at the same time.

Except on MN, tonight, on this thread, where everyone will just pretend that they have no idea whatsoever what you're talking about.

I doubt very much this story is actually true

Well yes. It's so absolutely incredible, isn't it? What a crazy set of circumstances.

Aridane · 30/05/2018 01:01

Intrigued to know what wasteland in London has. AWaitrose , tow restaurants and NO shops

Aridane · 30/05/2018 01:01

Typos galore

sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 01:02

where the hell this area of London was that had nothing but a waitrose and 2 restaurants it has shops about a 10 minute walk away, but in that rain, no way.

OP posts:
Reaa · 30/05/2018 01:03

.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/05/2018 01:03

Have you never used a public toilet to get changed in the cubicle, not in the space where people are trying to get round and wash their hands.
I do think they should remain single sex btw I just don't think your example of reasons why works

SleepingStandingUp · 30/05/2018 01:05

I have changed DS but he was under 2 and I've had to change him in the middle of a charity shop down to his nappy once so I'm a bit blasé atm because he has no opinion on it

zzzzz · 30/05/2018 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 01:10

SheGotBetteDavisEyes thanks, glad someone understands!

Having to change a child in an emergency is something that just happens every so often isn't it.

And, the men seemed uncomfortable too. There wasn't even any nakedness! But it was a very domestic scene, me and DD drying clothes at the dryer, and I got the feeling they were a bit embarrassed by it or something. Perhaps it's just not what they expect when they go to the toilet!

OP posts:
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 01:13

So you had spare clothes in your bag anyway?????!

Missing the point, completely. It's only by chance I had. If DS hadn't been with us, I wouldn't have.

I was interested in what other people would do, still am.

It's a semi-hypothetical situation as I very nearly found myself in it - in fact thought I was in it, before I thought of seeing if DS's shorts would fit her. (So surprised they didn't just fall off her, they're massive!)

OP posts:
MumofBoysx2 · 30/05/2018 01:13

Personally I wouldn't have risked her walking around in hardly anything while I spent forever drying them, and just gone and bought her a cheap set of new clothes. FWIW I don't like unisex toilets, but then again I only use them as toilets and only then in a total emergency.

sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 01:14

My sons too big to go in the ladies, he’s home full time with me, he needs help to use the toilet and has poor impulse control and doesn’t like waiting. How do I take him out for more than a couple of hours alone? How do I use a toilet?

That must be a tough situation. Do you use the disabled loos or is that an issue for some reason? (Lack of disabled loos maybe?)

(FWIW there was a disabled loo there today).

OP posts:
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 01:15

just gone and bought her a cheap set of new clothes

No shops.

Should I have cancelled the cheque also? Wink

OP posts:
LadyMisty · 30/05/2018 01:27

OP you definitely should've cancelled the cheque! Maybe it wouldn't have rained then!
Wink
I understand your frustration at the situation, but if she was wearing pants then she surely would've been as covered as if she weren't a bathing suit in a swimming pool? I don't understand why bare legs would be any different.

sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 01:29

For those of you interested in where we were, we were at Caravan, in Granary Square, near Kings Cross.

www.kingscross.co.uk/granary-square

I've not been there before and I have no doubt it has a zillion more trendy bars inside, but it's not the kind of place you get cheap clothes for kids. I don't know the area well, it's all changed since I lived there. In the square, where we were, there were 2 restaurants, and I knew there was a Waitrose round the corner.

And before anyone says Kings Cross is just down the road, I can't express enough how torrential it was.

We got soaked through, by changing buses once, and then walking from the bus stop on York Rd to Granary Square. That's about 3 minutes for the first change, and my phone told me 4 minutes from the bus stop to the restaurant.

No way was I walking to Kings Cross to get clothes in that! (No car because London).

If anyone's interested I can highly recommend the violet meringue with coconut icecream, blueberry sorbet and blueberries. OMG it was amazing. And I'm normally a cake person. I've never had sorbet like that in my life, pure luxury.

Please don't come up with solutions I could have employed for that specific venue as it's not the point. I'm not planning on going back there in the middle of a storm, and it was the general point I was interested in.

But I know it's a pain when threads leave you guessing, so this is just to satisfy the curiosity of those who asked.

Great place, lovely staff, amazing food. I really liked it. Except the toilets, I may have mentioned that.

OP posts:
StillMedusa · 30/05/2018 01:35

OP you'd hate my local pub!
One toilet and a run of urinals which you have to walk through to get to the loo!

(It does warn you that this is the case). I don't frequent pubs but my DS1 is a musician who plays there regularly so I go to support him.

In your case... soaked..I'd have walked back 20 mins to find a shop that sold kids' clothes and bought something...then changed in the loo!

Pikachuneedshelp · 30/05/2018 01:35

The men were probably uncomfortable about having to ask you to get out of the way so they could dry their hands Confused.

And, no, I have never got changed in the public area of a public toilet. I use a cubicle if I need to do this. There is no need to be taking your clothes off in the hand washing area: people outside the loo will see in when people open the door to come in and out, a male attendant could walk in, and most women would probably be embarrassed to walk into a loo and find a women standing there in her underwear when she could be in the flipping cubicle. I'm really not buying that that is normal or common behaviour. I have definitely never seen it.

lostinjapan · 30/05/2018 01:41

Oh well, at least we have one more ludicrous scenario to add to the next 'reasons why unisex toilets are bad' thread. Two actually, if you include the 'wire poking out of a bra' situation Hmm I thought the whole 'what if I walk out of the cubicle with my hands dripping with period blood' thing was weird, but this takes the biscuit.

Women's toilets aren't exactly 'man free' either. What if a male toilet cleaner comes in? I'd suggest just don't strip to your knickers, fix your underwired bra, or walk around with blood drenched hands in the communal area of the toilets and you'll be fine.

sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 01:43

The men were probably uncomfortable about having to ask you to get out of the way so they could dry their hands

Erm, no. No one had to ask me to get out of the way. As soon as anyone finished washing their hands, I stepped back from the dryer so they could use it.

No dryer hogging was happening, I can assure you.

OP posts:
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