to wonder how I was supposed to use this toilet?

[sleepingdragons]

DD and I got drenched in the rain today, proper torrential rain! DD's skirt was soaked through.

We were on our way to meet family for lunch, so we headed there and I took DD to the toilet.

DD was freezing. My plan had been to strip her bottom half to her pants in the ladies and hold her skirt under the hand dryer for as long as I could.

But when I got to the toilet I found it was unisex. There were a bunch of cubicles coming off a busy communal sink area, with a couple of middle aged men in there when I got there, and more men coming and going while we were there.

What would you do in this situation? What do you think I should have done?

Also - AIBU to think that restaurants and cafes are going to use the new trend for unisex facilities as a cost cutting measure, so we're going to see loads more of this kind of thing?

Tie adult’s jumper or jacket or scarf or anything round 5yo waist as a makeshift skirt

Did not have a dry jumper, jacket or scarf. I was wearing a dress, scarf (not big enough to be a skirt) and coat.

Also, this is a more general point about unisex toilets in general. Solving my particular emergency given the location information I provided isn't addressing any wider questions.

You're also not addressing the wider questions, OP. What would you have suggested in the event that your daughter was with her dad and no unisex toilet had been available?

Would you want him to take her into the ladies? Or into the gents?

And if you don't think either of those are good options, do you finally see the benefit of unisex toilets?

this is a more general point about unisex toilets in general.

Maybe go start a thread that actually asks that up front rather than couching it in a “what was I meant to do?” tale of woe.

far more inconvenient than a spot of rain.

To be fair, this was not a “spot of rain”. You might as well have gone swimming fully clothed.

Did not have a dry jumper, jacket or scarf.

It doesnt have to be dry, you're only using it to cover her for the minutes while youre drying her skirt.

Certainly no sneerier than your 'Or is it just because it's about unisex bathrooms, so it has to be a stealthy criticism of self-ID?', eh?

That wasn't sneering. It was a comment. Seriously, not everything on MN is a battle cry, you know?

Missing a post is one thing, but when you're criticising me for apparently misjudging OP's position, the least you could do is check that first don't you think?

Where have I criticised you for 'misjudging the OP's position'? .

@SheGotBetteDavisEyes stop being so disingenuous - it isn't working.

You were clearly posting a comment critical of mine (and it was sneery, regardless of your protests to the contrary) because you thought I'd misunderstood OP's position and was criticising her for something you didn't believe she had said. And now that you've realised it's actually you who was mistaken you're trying to suggest that you were just making a totally innocent comment, cutesy confused emojis and all, when we both know you were prickly and defensive. At least own up to the fact that you were prickly until you realised you were wrong!

@sleepingdragons

You're also not addressing the wider questions, OP. What would you have suggested in the event that your daughter was with her dad and no unisex toilet had been available?

Still waiting for a response to this one...

because you thought I'd misunderstood OP's position and was criticising her for something you didn't believe she had said

No. I didn't think that. You've got the wrong end of of the stick with this. Please stop trying to tell me what I think.

And now that you've realised it's actually you who was mistaken you're trying to suggest that you were just making a totally innocent comment, cutesy confused emojis and all when we both know you were prickly and defensive

This is getting a bit convoluted, but again, please stop trying to tell me what I think and feel. I'm not as invested in unpicking every misunderstood comment and stealthy intention and hidden nuance.

Let's try to move on?

The salient point is that you said this: I think we can all safely assume that this thread was never more than a thinly veiled attempt to criticise self-ID by describing a very unusual situation which has literally nothing to do with it

I disagree with this. That's basically it.

My 5yo would have had no problem standing next to me in pants while I dried her skirt. I don't see that there's a problem.

Op you are just not being flexible enough.
You say you personally had no clothing of your own to tie on her waist. Did not one single person at the gathering have a single spare item either?

Businesses have blue roll linked below. Could have wound this round as a little skirt.

Plus Waitrose might have sold tea towels or kitchen roll. You are being very precious about a 5yos attire and toilet facilities. Anyone would think you were entertaining the queen at the ritz or simething.

www.direct365.co.uk/supplies/value-blue-centrefeed-rolls-2-ply-100m-case-of-6?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=&utm_campaign=Supplies_PLA-Washrooms&infinity=ict2~net~gaw~ar~199241152923~kw~~mt~~cmp~PLA%20-%20Washroom~ag~PLA%20-%20Paper%20Hand%20Towels&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9ZvGxq2t2wIVxJ0bCh32_AdXEAQYASABEgKlWfD_BwE

@SheGotBetteDavisEyes you're welcome to disagree, but since OP herself acknowledged that the thread is about self-ID I find your disagreement odd, unless you think you know OP's intentions better than she herself does.

Happy to save you further embarrassment by moving on, however.

since OP herself acknowledged that the thread is about self-ID I find your disagreement odd, unless you think you know OP's intentions better than she herself does

Ah. Riiiight. You see, all along I though it was about the problem with doing a child's laundry in a bathroom.

Happy to save you further embarrassment by moving on, however

Oh, so droll. I'm wounded.

So, anyway. Moving on...

Wrap a cardigan or something around her?

I can understand the annoyance. I dried my skirt in a ladies a few weeks ago, with my jacket tied around my waist. Wouldn't have done if there were men there because that would be inappropriate/ they're more likely to try and catch an eyeful or follow me home.

People saying they've never used a loo in an emergency are liars.

Used it in an emergency for what? I can't think of any emergency that I've used it for, no.

Ah. Riiiight. You see, all along I though it was about the problem with doing a child's laundry in a bathroom

Yes, this is the point isn't it? OP is - by her own admission - complaining about self-ID and the effect it will have on unisex bathrooms, but instead of just coming out and saying that, she has dressed it up as concern about the specific situation of her daughter's skirt being wet...

I’m also interested in what your DD’s father would/should have done in the same circumstances but only single sex toilets?

FWIW I would have gone to the gym next door where they have changing rooms with towels and hairdryers.

'was in an unexpected situation and dealing it with the things I had at my immediate disposal.'

Again, the weather forecast. Consult it before you leave the house as you seem incapable of dealing with any problems that may arise. What next, 'its 24c I didn't see that coming, my DC are sunburnt but the library doesn't sell sun cream there are no shops for 50miles!'

Again, the weather forecast

Yeah, I looked at the forecast before I packed for our trip away, it said showers. So I packed summer rain coats.

i was travelling on my own by train with 2 kids to I had to pack fairly light.

The weather forecast changed the morning of the do. It said rain for most of the day.

I did the best with the clothes I had. I didn't have their winter coats, they were 60 miles away. Even so, we weren't exactly going on a long journey, you wouldn't expect to get drenched.

The only time we spent any length of time in the rain was 3 minutes changing bus, and 4 minutes form bus stop to restaurant.

Normally this wouldn't be a big deal - you'd get a bit wet, but not too bad.

It was fucking torrential! I didn't get that from the weather forecast. Nowhere did it say - you'll be standing under a continuous bucket, essentially!

We got drenched particularly in that last 4 minutes. It wasn't normal rain, as others upthread have confirmed.

When you're travelling long distance by train with kids you can't pack for every possible freak weather outcome!

We had sun cream, summer clothes, extra layer, rain coat. Normally that would have been sufficient!

What would you have suggested in the event that your daughter was with her dad and no unisex toilet had been available?

I don't see the great relevance really. In an emergency you have to make do with what you have.

DP and DD have never been able to use the ladies, so if more become unisex they're not losing anything.

If DP had DD his choices would have been to ask a female relative / friend to take her to the ladies or to go into the men's, same as ever.

I don't see what that's got to do with me being surprised to find myself in a unisex toilet.

Why can't she just stand next to you in her pants whilst you dry the skirt? What on Earth do you imagine might happen?

Also, Waitrose sell clothes.

What would you do in this situation? What do you think I should have done?

If it was absolutely soaking wet through clothes, either put dd in a cubicle so she could take her skirt off and I quickly blasted it under the hand drier, or gone home and got changed if it meant she was so soaked to the skin and had no changes of clothes spare.
What if there wasn't a drier available and just paper towels? You'd have had the same predicament regardless of whether it was a neutral or single sex space.
Interesting point about gender neutral toilets being easier for Dads out and about with their children - never considered that aspect before.
Would be easier for stay at home Dads/dads who do the bulk of the childcare.

Lesson learned hopefully OP that toilets are for the obvious bodily functions and if they serve for any other purpose that's a bonus but not something you can rely on.

I'd have let DD wear her slightly damp jumper as a weird skirt while her skirt dried and enjoyed the meal but it's done now. Next time you're on public transport miles from home take a change of clothes for everyone in a carrier bag inside your bag, just thin leggings and t-shirt each will do, solves a multitude of issues, sorted.

I don't see what that's got to do with me being surprised to find myself in a unisex toilet.

It is relevant because you're complaining that unisex toilets are becoming more common, at the expense of separate ladies and gents. But it's completely valid to point out that unisex toilets are often helpful to families - such as when a dad is out with a daughter who's too young to go to the loo on her own. They're also much better for the parents of older disabled kids who need help.

You say that in an emergency you have to make do with what you have. Well, quite. You had to make do with a unisex loo when your preference would have been for a ladies. Similarly, dads taking their daughters into the gents have to make do with that when their preference would likely be for a unisex loo. Given that a 5 year old is much more likely to see the genitals of strangers in a situation where she's having to go into the gents (where there are probably urinals) with her dad than she is in a unisex loo with private cubicles, it seems to me that unisex looks are a far better option all round.

Maybe you weren't particularly comfortable about it, but your situation isn't the only one to consider. In any case, I expect dads out and about with their daughters are far more common than mums needing to do an emergency hand-dry of a soaked skirt. For that reason alone I would prioritise unisex loos over gender segregated ones.