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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder how I was supposed to use this toilet?

387 replies

sleepingdragons · 29/05/2018 23:42

DD and I got drenched in the rain today, proper torrential rain! DD's skirt was soaked through.

We were on our way to meet family for lunch, so we headed there and I took DD to the toilet.

DD was freezing. My plan had been to strip her bottom half to her pants in the ladies and hold her skirt under the hand dryer for as long as I could.

But when I got to the toilet I found it was unisex. There were a bunch of cubicles coming off a busy communal sink area, with a couple of middle aged men in there when I got there, and more men coming and going while we were there.

What would you do in this situation? What do you think I should have done?

Also - AIBU to think that restaurants and cafes are going to use the new trend for unisex facilities as a cost cutting measure, so we're going to see loads more of this kind of thing?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 30/05/2018 10:17

I think the point os ds had a long classy on that covered most of his trousers drop he could at least sit dry. Dd had a short coat so to was dry and bottom was soaked as unprotected. Rain was especially and unexpectedly fearsome

TitsalinaBumsquat · 30/05/2018 10:17

What a dull conversation. There is no issue here. You were not leaving you daughter naked and unattended so I think you are being very dramatic.

I also don’t understand what women do at a sink that can not possible be done around men. Some women say they need to wash their moon cups out. As a woman I would be disgusted if I saw someone doing this in a public loo sink. How unhygienic.

And the point about having a wardrobe “emergency” where your wire pokes out of your bra is also a joke. Not an emergency at all and SORT OURSELF OUT IN THE CUBICLE! Again I would find it very weird and uncomfortable if I walked into the ladies loo and a woman was stood in the communal area without a top or bra on while she sorts out her “emergency”.

Very odd thread.

bumblingbovine49 · 30/05/2018 10:23

She is 5 years old. Surely it is Ok for her to take her skirt off and be in her underwear on the bottom half only for a bit while she is stood next to you?. How is that any different to her wearing shorts and a t shirt? Even if a man walks by I am not sure how that is a problem really

You could have wrapped something around her waist if you really don't like that idea but tbh I would have just taken her skirt off and let her stand next to me (assuming she had her top on) while I tried to dry it.

Although the reality is that putting damp clothes back on (which the skirt would have been unless it was really thin material that dries super quickly) is more unpleasant than just waiting for it to dry by itself so I would probably have lifted her up and held parts of her skirt under the dryer for a bit while she was still wearing it

TheShapeOfEwe · 30/05/2018 10:39

Unless OP is going to come back and address the point about how much better unisex bathrooms are for dads who are out with kids, I think we can all safely assume that this thread was never more than a thinly veiled attempt to criticise self-ID by describing a very unusual situation which has literally nothing to do with it.

Mabeldidit · 30/05/2018 10:43

Reslience op!! Develop some fgs.

Always check the forecast is my top tip, readily available online. Then either stay at home or take dry clothes.

If, you really cannot do that then this:

'There is no way you or your daughter were in danger by men being near by.Your daughter is 5. Have you ever been to a swimming pool or the beach? What does she wear? Im assuming you don't kick off because men are near by then? Don't teach her to fear all men!'

Do you need some selling salts to recover from this traumatic event Grin.

Dancergirl · 30/05/2018 10:50

OP, do you really think women can’t be paedophiles? Why do you think single sex toilets are safe??

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/05/2018 10:51

I think we can all safely assume that this thread was never more than a thinly veiled attempt to criticise self-ID by describing a very unusual situation which has literally nothing to do with it

Don't include me in that 'all' thanks.

I know that self-ID is rightly being debated everywhere, but I'm missing the OP's comments where it makes it so abundantly clear that she's trying to stealthily criticise self-ID.

Or is it just because it's about unisex bathrooms, so it has to be a stealthy criticism of self-ID?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 30/05/2018 10:53

I've had to dry the skirt of my dress before (I was 16 at the time) after I tried to wash it when I had blood on it from an especially explosive period. I'd never have felt comfortable doing this in a unisex toilet and generally speaking unisex toilets are awful. I'm with you OP.

TheShapeOfEwe · 30/05/2018 10:55

@shegotbettedaviseyes

Oh really? Because here is a post from OP at 7.35am this morning:

*This has fuck all to do with self-ID or 'losing space'.

This has everything to do with it.

Single sex toilets are the norm in this country. But this partly because women fought for this. www.museumoflondon.org.uk/discover/womens-right-work-toilet-bathroom-victorian-london-wwi-factory-protest

It cost more money to build two seperate facilities.

If it's now socially acceptable to have unisex - because of self ID, disingenuous to say it isn't - then we'll see loads more of them because there's such a financial incentive to do it.*

I would say that's pretty clear, wouldn't you?

PeakPants · 30/05/2018 11:00

I know that self-ID is rightly being debated everywhere, but I'm missing the OP's comments where it makes it so abundantly clear that she's trying to stealthily criticise self-ID

If you actually read the thread, you will see it. She says that it's all about self-ID and women losing spaces. She doesn't even try to hide it.

zzzzz · 30/05/2018 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/05/2018 11:04

Oh really? Because here is a post from OP at 7.35am this morning

I would say that's pretty clear, wouldn't you?

Nicely sneered. You know, TheShapeOfEwe sometimes when posters say they've missed a post, it means they've actually just missed a post...

Congratulations. Go get the MN award for pointing it out.

If it's now socially acceptable to have unisex - because of self ID, disingenuous to say it isn't - then we'll see loads more of them because there's such a financial incentive to do it

So the OP's post says that there's a financial incentive to build unisex bathrooms because of self-ID.

Is it conceivable to not be crazy about having unisex bathrooms everywhere and not have a problem with self-ID at the same time? Do you think those two opinions cannot co-exist? I'm not talking about the OP here, I mean generally.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/05/2018 11:07

If you actually read the thread, you will see it. She says that it's all about self-ID and women losing spaces. She doesn't even try to hide it

I have 'actually read the thread' but missed that post. For shame, eh?

'She doesn't even try to hide it?' Should she try to hide it? The debate about self-ID and women's spaces is a vital one that affects all of us.

blackteasplease · 30/05/2018 11:10

Hope this isn't about self ID as it takes away from all the important issues!

siwel123 · 30/05/2018 11:11

Shouldn't the debate also be about men losing there safe space as well then?

Unisex toilets make life easier for parents. There's nothing you do in a female toilet or male toilet that you can't do in a unisex one.

BlackInk · 30/05/2018 11:17

If you really needed to dry your daughter's skirt in a public loo, I can't see why it would worry you to let her stand in her pants whilst you do it. No different from a swimsuit or little shorts really. What harm do you think these middle aged men are going to do?!
Personally though I would have left her in damp clothes and jollied her along with nice food, drink, chatter. She'd pretty soon dry off in summertime and isn't a tiny baby who might get cold or wail through your lunch.

DarlingNikita · 30/05/2018 11:19

The forecast was for storms and heavy rain. I'd have dressed the DD more suitably in the first place, with something waterproof.

StormTreader · 30/05/2018 11:19

I had to wring my scarf out, for example.

Then dry your scarf a bit and wrap that around her while you're drying her skirt. Simple.

TheShapeOfEwe · 30/05/2018 11:21

Nicely sneered

Certainly no sneerier than your 'Or is it just because it's about unisex bathrooms, so it has to be a stealthy criticism of self-ID?', eh?

Missing a post is one thing, but when you're criticising me for apparently misjudging OP's position, the least you could do is check that first don't you think?

argumentativefeminist · 30/05/2018 11:25

The main toilets at my uni (UEA) are gender neutral and they're fucking great. No urinals, just lots of stalls, free tampons and pads available by the sinks. Turns out everyone just gets on with their business and leaves? Urinals are grim because humans shouldn't piss in troughs in the 21st century but other than that I can't see what yall get so het up about... you know if there's creepy men into the toilet they're also just as creepy when they're on the street/In the cafe/anywhere else in your life? And maybe we should focus more on changing the social acceptability of being a creepy man rather than enacting policies that make it harder for innocent trans folk to have a wee under the pretence that we don't want rare creepy men weeing in the self contained stall next to ours?

TheShapeOfEwe · 30/05/2018 11:26

And maybe we should focus more on changing the social acceptability of being a creepy man rather than enacting policies that make it harder for innocent trans folk to have a wee under the pretence that we don't want rare creepy men weeing in the self contained stall next to ours?

Preach 🙌🏻

argumentativefeminist · 30/05/2018 11:26

Ive never seen someone in their pants drying their skirt in there, but if they were I'd just let them get on with it, and I'm pretty sure most men would too. Perhaps it's generational.

ScattyCharly · 30/05/2018 11:32

Practically how to deal with this:

Remove skirt
Tie adult’s jumper or jacket or scarf or anything round 5yo waist as a makeshift skirt
Forget it

My dd gets car sick. When she was 3 she puked all over herself. I was wearing a jacket and tshirt. I took those off and put only the jacket back on and used my tshirt as a dress for my 3yo.

It has nothing to do with toilets. You could just find a corner anywhere or if not available, have some of the adults in your party stand in front of her for a bit of a screen.

People get changed at the beach on the beach. Nobody is really going to care about a 5yo missing a bit of clothing. Probably they wouldn’t even notice.

Men have nothing to do with this issue.

Original poster
sleepingdragons · 30/05/2018 11:34

But there are single sex bathrooms literally by the restaurant, as shown on the map. Including changing facilities

I had no idea of these existed. Hindsight is a marvellous thing - but also if we had to go back out in that rain for more than a couple of minutes to get there, that wasn't going to happen. It was - as another poster observed upthread - like standing under a bucket of water being chucked on you.

I was in an unexpected situation and dealing it with the things I had at my immediate disposal.

Also, this is a more general point about unisex toilets in general. Solving my particular emergency given the location information I provided isn't addressing any wider questions.

OP posts:
siwel123 · 30/05/2018 11:36

What's your problem with unisex toilets?

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