To not be able to live up to DH's level of romanticness/obsessiveness?

[frogsinthepond]

I realise I may come off as a bit of an ungrateful b*tch, but my DH's behaviour has become so intense over the time we've been together and lately it has gotten a lot worse and is starting to make me feel so bad that I am not able to reciprocatesee on the same level.

We've been together for 4 years and are expecting our first child. He is lovely in almost every way, I'm his first kiss/girlfriend/wife/everything even though he is good looking, has a good career and is very likeable. He's always been very romantic, but since finding out I was pregnant 6 months ago, it's gotten a lot more intense.

He brings me flowers every day or every other day! I like flowers as much as the next woman, but..
He messages me from work constantly to check up on how I am doing. If I don't reply for 30 mins, he gets nervous and calls. This is intense as I am still working.
He buys me presents at least once a week, books, jewelry, clothes, you name it. We're on an average income and I keep telling him we could probably spend that money some other way. He never spends a dime on himself.
He writes super long, heavy love letters several times a month.
He's made us these homemade photoalbums with stories and pictures of us and he knows NOTHING better than to go through them every weekend. This can take up to an hour and a half each time. It's very sweet but so hard to find something new to talk about every time! (it's starting to feel like I am looking at old pictures with my Grandma!)
He wants to massage me, cuddle, give me footbaths, make love several times a day. Again, this probably sounds lovely, but he gets hurt if I say no because I am reading a book or watching a film.

... and the list goes on.

AIBU to think that this is intense, that this is not the average behaviour from your OH? He has started implying that it makes him sad that I don't seem to want him as much as he wants me which I don't think is fair. Obviously I love him very much, I am carrying his child and I am affectionate but the truth is I do feel it's getting a bit too much. Don't want to hurt his feelings though!

Just stopping by to see if you're okay OP

I know OP's aren't obligated to update but would honestly love to know how she is getting on!

I imagine OP has found the responses too overwhelming and retreated. She came here asking what to do about her overly romantic DP only to be told he is abusive. Fwiw, I agree and have said so upthread, but it's a lot t to digest when you first start to hear an outside perspective.

I hope you are ok OP and you can come back and talk if you want to, or not. But don't feel you have too run if you disagree with people or aren't ready to hear it yet.

I have thought about this lady too

Hoping you are OK OP and managing to sort out these issues with your husband.

@frogsinthepond. You need to call Women’s aid and get out now while you can.

Let his family know everything as your partner will need their help when you leave, and you need their help to keep him away from you.

Nothing you’ve said sounds normal in any way. Red flags are popping up for me all over the place... warning signs of a very bad and dangerous situation.

Your DH is showing all the signs of boiling you alive... frog in the pot never sees the temperature rising.

Speak to your midwife. Make an appointment without him. Keep it a secret. Let them know you’re being stalked by your DH, that he’s obsessive and controlling, and tell her exactly what’s going on.

This obsessive controlling behavior often shows its true colours in a relationship when the woman is pregnant.

A thing I’ve noticed from your posts: You never mention your child, just his. You never mention your wishes about a big family, just his? Do you only see yourself as a vessel for his seed? Has he already brainwashed you out of owning your own body, or having anything for yourself, like your own choice?

Let me say, and I know it sounds extreme, but in my opinion your life is in danger from this man. The recurring jealousy from your past life is a huge no no.

Please ring women’s aid. You are on the start of a very recognizable abuse cycle. I’m very worried for you.

How are things going OP? Hope all is well.

Has his behaviour got worse since he found out you were pregnant? I’m wondering whether it could be a reaction to the pregnancy? Perhaps he’s feeling insecure about it? But in any case I think you need to talk to him about how your relationship is going to change when the baby arrives. Your attention will be on the baby and he needs to deal with it.

This is very worrying. Hope OP @frogsinthepond is ok

That's very sweet but I think the fact that he gets upset when you don't want to would make me feel entrapped.

Is it perhaps that he views it as rejection? Maybe try and communicate that it's not a comment on him personally?

It sounds like anxiety - the texting/calling, intensified interest now that you're pregnant, etc. Perhaps counselling?

It sounds like he’s very anxious and overwhelmed. His life is about to change in a major way and it seems like he is wanting to milk every moment while it’s still just the two of you, until you two become three. He may likely benefit from some counseling and perhaps couples counseling for the both of you. If that is not an option, open up a discussion by asking “why”. “Why do you feel the need to do all of this?” “What do you expect me to do/how do you expect me to react?” “Why do you feel rejected when I am just wanting my own space?” Etc… I am also wondering whether there are any women in his family who may have died in childbirth? He may be subconsciously scared of this too.

OP, I think counselling could be good if and only if you have a very good counsellor.

Fundamentally you're not happy with how your relationship functions- and you're not allowed to express that as any hint and you get sulks and tears. It is normal and healthy to find parts of your relationship aren't perfect and you wsnt them to be better. However it requires both people to be able to express themselves and be heard.

It doesn't sound like there is very much of what you want in your relationship- you want to read a book, he wants to go to bed and have sex or cuddle and stroke your hair. I would have run for the hills long ago.

Please try and think about what you want, be clear on what you don't like. Please find a way to talk about this with your husband - before the baby comes. Honestly it's such a crazy mess after you won't have the time or energy.

This thread is 6 years old!!!!!

Absolutely a sex pest. Get rid.

Your comment made me laugh 😁

Seems people don't care how old the thread is, they've thought of lots to say and they want people to read it - so they've not even bothered checking the date...

Thanks for the chuckle ! 💖✨

Fucking stupid comment, highlighting zero knowledge of either Autism or Williams Syndrome.