You need to send him this (and I know a pp already posted but he'll send him it twice, daily even!)
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/amp/?client=safari
Read this
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Strategic%20Incompetence&=true
And hopefully this will make you smile (wryly)
m.youtube.com/watch?v=SqQgDwA0BNU
It's laziness - not just of action but of thought and consideration.
Regardless how the holiday pans out you need to sit him down for a "serious chat" re the balance of not only the physical work but as you now know the 'mental load'.
Working 'long hours' is no excuse. He gets not to do stuff while at work but it's no reason he can't do SOME of the tasks necessary to run your home when he IS there.
He can CERTAINLY give you at least a lie in at weekends, and do the majority of household work for a day each weekend.
You work too - both in AND out of the home it's your holiday too.
Honestly every time I read threads like this I understand why I've stayed single for so long!
Being a Lp is tough, being a Lp to someone who is SUPPOSED to be an equal partner is even tougher.
My dad was/is a shit in many ways (including never cooking) BUT holidays were half board because it was "mums holiday too" including he made sure she had her share of lie ins and we didn't wake her for petty shit he was perfectly capable as an adult man of coping with! So we'd either have cereal or bread for breakfast or he'd take us to a greasy spoon type place sometimes. My brother went through a short lived fussy phase and mum almost gave in and was going to go to a supermarket and get food she knew he'd eat but which would necessitate considerable effort on her part. Dad wouldn't have it - bro funnily enough discovered there WAS food he liked in the resort - funny that.
For now - make him programme his phone with reminders for essentials (meal times and meds) and tell him to act his age! At 40 he KNOWS that children need feeding, supervising etc he's disingenuous if he claims otherwise.
I agree not "naturally thoughtless" but selfish and unwilling to acknowledge that others have needs. Given he was like this when you first moved in I am baffled why you had DC with him. I'd have lost my shit LONG before this point!
"He totally missed the point of the article." Don't be so sure that wasn't deliberate. Making you feel guilty for 'suggesting divorce'. Rather than acknowledging he's a selfish lazy shit (unless he's being paid!). Honestly I wonder if he's actually read the full article and not just the title?
I do agree you're at a crossroads. Either you accept it and therefore can't complain, somehow get through to him and he does change or leave him.
Did his parents have a 'traditional' set up? Did his mother work? Because I frequently read threads like this and I reckon the men THINK they're just in a "traditional" relationship BUT they don't EVEN do the stuff that was traditionally "men's work"!! The woman is doing all that TOO!! (My ex was like this - still is from what I hear).
As I said my dad was pretty shit BUT if he were getting himself a snack/cuppa he'd ask mum if she needed anything, before he was ill did all the "man" jobs in the home - DIY and house maintenance, car maintenance inc admin (organising mot, service, repairs, getting best deal on insurance), gardening, financial admin, putting the bins out, carrying heavy items eg food shopping.
Are you REALLY equal at home? What does he do when he gets home from work? Laundry? Dishes? Ironing? I doubt it! I suspect he's fed, watches tv/plays computer games, bed, wakes in morning, showers, dresses, MAYBE gets own breakfast, heads to work. How close am I? What does he do at weekends? Anything for any family member OTHER than himself?
Of course he doesn't WANT to change you're going to have to give him motivation to - because this suits him just fine being waited on! Not having to do anything.
What is the medication form? I'm with pps that at 7/8 your child should be able to sort it themselves unless physically impossible or Sen involved. A friend of mines child has type 1 diabetes and has been doing his own bloods/insulin injections since he was 5/6 perfectly competently, inc writing down his numbers.
Do the veggies HAVE to be steamed? Most can be eaten raw with no ill effects.
I also agree at 7/8 again providing no additional needs, they're perfectly old enough to - dry their own towels, put their own things away tidily, help at mealtimes with laying table etc. Don't be raising your DC to be like their father!
Re kids making mess when doing chores - they have to learn. Cleaning up after themselves is part of the chore/responsibility. Again, seen repeatedly on mn mothers of mid-late teens who don't pull their weight BUT they've NEVER been taught/expected to for up to 16/18 years previously! My dd has been contributing to the tidiness of home since she was little (age appropriately), yet I've been accused of neglect even being abusive for what she does. As a parent (and this applies to you AND your dh) your job is to create competent independent adults, I've seen 19/20 year olds that can't manage food shopping, laundry or REALLY basic cooking. It's ridiculous.
Also they'll make mess initially but they learn the motor skills AND to clean up.
Very glad to read small improvements are happening - sounds daft but praise praise praise! Don't give him the ammo to stop by overly criticising!
Then came to you basically finally losing your shit! Totally understand why. Hopefully he'll take it on board. DO NOT let him use it as an excuse "why bother trying when I still got an earful" style.
And you're right it's not "helping" it's equal responsibility, equal parenting.
Another thought - you said he loves the DC - would pointing out that parenting PROPERLY not just Disney style creates a bond closer than just being the "fun" parent?
As for Edi and Vagues supposed views - like fuck! Jesus even before annual leave was a right even servants got Sunday's, Christmas and Easter off! NOBODY but slaves work 365 days a year! And Lp!