Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents buy a massive dog. AIBU?

162 replies

prawntail · 28/05/2018 20:21

DD has got a wonderful relationship with her grandparents and stays with them regularly in school holidays. She is a naturally timid child and dislikes being around loud noises, sudden moves or boisterous behaviour. She is a very slight 11 year old. She has a strong fear of dogs. About a month ago with no real warning they got a rescue dog (in fact previously the grandparents had said it was unfair to get a pet as they may not be around long enough to care for it - both in 70's and heavy smokers). Not any old dog but a Cane Corso or Italian Mastiff. Comedically large puppy (18 months) and super exuberant. DD was anxious about going down there but we all reassured her it was friendly and engineered first meeting as calmly as possible and on neutral territory. Day 1 went fine apparently. Day 2 she rang me in hysterics asking to come home and almost screaming with terror. When I collected her she was still trembling. I made a big show of the dog (I am not a fan but am certainly not scared of them) and how friendly he was but she was not having any of it. The dog jumped up at me several times and it is strong. On reading up about the breed it seems most Cane Corsos are "too much dog" for the average household. He is only going to get bigger and stronger although as he matures i assume he will calm down. Anyway, my question is this: AIBU to not insist she goes back there, at least for now. She is adamant she does not want to see the dog again and probably does not quite realise this means not staying with her grandparents. I think i need the dust to settle for the moment but i am worried DD will stick to her guns indefinitely . I am still a little staggered that they bought a dog knowing just how strongly their DGD felt about them but its their house and their choice and I can't possibly ask them to take the dog back. Any advice welcome. Especially on how to manage the dog and DD's relationship moving forward. I am a cat person so have no idea!

OP posts:
Puffycat · 28/05/2018 20:27

Bloody hell! It sounds like a pony going to a fancy dress party as a dog!
If your DD is uncomfortable then you are quite reasonable to say she doesn’t want to come round because of the ‘puppy’. Be honest with them. She can still see her GP’s but the dog makes her tremble ffs!

SlowDown76mph · 28/05/2018 20:32

Seriously? You need to ask? Assuming you are genuine, then you need to put your child's interests and safety first. Give Grandparents time to settle the dog and show that they are going to take their ownership responsibilities seriously. Then you can do a gradual reintroduction and gauge if it is a situation that is reasonable to encourage your daughter to persevere with.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 28/05/2018 20:35

Well I wouldn’t be going round for a start, so no, don’t make your DD, it could be positively dangerous. It also seems odd that a rescue centre has approved this mammoth puppy for a couple of 70 year olds Shock

Booboostwo · 28/05/2018 20:35

At 11 yo she's old enough to make her own decision on this. Puppies are boisterous and can appear frightening to people who are not used to dogs, and yes, cane corsos are large, extremely energetic dogs, your parents are going to have their hands full. Then again that was their decision and they have to live with it.

An adult, well trained dog, that can maintain a 'down stay' is the best kind of dog for getting a frightened child used to dogs.

Bowlofbabelfish · 28/05/2018 20:37

Of course yanbu.

You tell the GPs that dd is uncomfortable around it. You ignore the ‘oh but it’s so soft’ crap and you tell them that you reassess on an ongoing basis depending on how well they train the dog, how it behaves and how dd feels.

What on Earth were they thinking? A dog like that needs care that sounds beyond them - are two heavy smokers going to be walking this dog enough?

Maelstrop · 28/05/2018 20:38

Poor dog and poor dd staying with heavy smokers. What an especially wrong choice of dog for them to choose. What on earth possessed them knowing how scared your dd is of dogs?

Ummmmgogo · 28/05/2018 20:40

yanbu. it's an accident waiting to happen. hopefully they will rehome it soon. if not maybe it could stay in kennels when she visits?

Original poster
prawntail · 28/05/2018 20:41

yes there is a lot of 'but he is harmless' talk. Its as much restraint as i can manage not to scream 'but he looks looks like bloody Cujo!' I do think actually that they are the ones that need to come up with a plan. I just wanted reassurance I was not being too reactionary.

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 28/05/2018 20:41

Poor DD!!!! No, YANBU.

cadburyegg · 28/05/2018 20:42

If my ds didn’t want to stay with his GPs I wouldn’t insist and he is 3 Grin so YANBU at all. God knows why people insist on getting pets they can’t look after

Thorsday · 28/05/2018 20:43

YABU for insinuating they shouldn't get a dog because of your daughter, but YANBU for not expecting her to go back. If she's scared, she's scared - maybe you can introduce them when the puppy's calmed down on more neutral ground (like a walk where he's distracted by everything else rather than tiny person who's nearly on my level).

MismatchedPJs · 28/05/2018 20:44

YANBU. YWBU to insist she stays if terrified.

I think you should leave it a while and then agree very baby steps with your parents. Ultimately she needs to know you've got her back.

Morewashingtodo · 28/05/2018 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RunMummyRun68 · 28/05/2018 20:46

Why should they 'come up with a plan'?

Sorry but it's their life, their retirement. They can visit her at your house without the dog I'm sure

AvonCallingBarksdale · 28/05/2018 20:46

OMG just googled Cane Corso Shock. No way would my 11yo DD be spending time in the vicinity - how on earth did the rescue approve that match Confused

Original poster
prawntail · 28/05/2018 20:48

sorry, not that it makes any difference. They are not my parents. they are DP's parents. Ha! my dp's are as bewildered (and way more pissed off) as I am. DP has not spoken to his parents since they voted for UKIP so he won't be any help. hahahaha. BTW - aside from being right wing, smokers with a misguided sense of animal charity they are actually lovely people who love DGD very much.

OP posts:
MismatchedPJs · 28/05/2018 20:49

I just googled the breed too. My first thought was Fluffy from Harry Potter.

Try an enchanted lyre...

Nanny0gg · 28/05/2018 20:49

Surely no regulated rescue centre would give that kind of dog to people of their age?

Celebelly · 28/05/2018 20:50

YANBU, but it might be worth working on your daughter's fear of dogs as it can be quite debilitating as she gets older. Dogs jumping up is very rarely aggressive; it's just over-exuberance and very common in young dogs. When it happens, she needs to not react and turn her back. Unfortunately if she's shrieking or waving her arms, the dog is going to think she's playing and probably get even more excited, so it's a bit of a vicious circle. It's just an unfortunate thing that children who are afraid of dogs tend to create even more excitement for the dog because of their reactions.

That said, I would expect her grandparents to be on hand at all times and able to take control of the dog and explain to her what she needs to do (and perhaps involve her in the training process to help them build a bond). If she's just being left alone to be jumped on by a large dog, then that's poor ownership (and parenting) on their part. My nieces and nephews have all grown up with dogs so are dog savvy and know how to respond to bouncy dogs, but for kids who haven't, it can be scary. And they should have told you about it in advance, particularly if they know your daughter is frightened of dogs. Perhaps they thought having a dog would make things better, but it doesn't seem they're handling things correctly!

(We have cats and a dog, but it's one of the cats who I wouldn't trust around children, definitely not the dog!)

Celebelly · 28/05/2018 20:51

I just noticed the breed too. That's a very unusual breed, and more so to be given to a couple in their 70s who have a young child visiting and staying with them.I'd very much doubt it was from a reputable rescue.

MismatchedPJs · 28/05/2018 20:51

Ah yes sorry, GPs not your Ps. I was thinking it made no difference but possibly it makes it trickier.

Nanny0gg · 28/05/2018 20:52

*The Corso is a working dog who needs lots of mental and physical stimulation.

*The Corso is not a good “first dog.” He requires plenty of socialization, training, and exercise to be a good companion.

Sounds cruel to me.

ChasedByBees · 28/05/2018 20:52

I wouldn’t let her go back. They knew she was scared of dogs so her not staying is an obvious consequence of their decision. Are they your parents? If so that makes things easier.

NotARegularPenguin · 28/05/2018 20:55

Well grandparents are old enough to realise actions have consequences and seeing as I presume they knew your dd doesn’t like dogs they must have had an inkling that this was a possible outcome! Certainly don’t make her go visit if she doesn’t want to, not by herself for a stay and not even with you for an afternoon if she doesn’t want to. They can come to you.

geekone · 28/05/2018 20:55

Wow what a gorgeous dog misses point entirely

Swipe left for the next trending thread