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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents buy a massive dog. AIBU?

162 replies

prawntail · 28/05/2018 20:21

DD has got a wonderful relationship with her grandparents and stays with them regularly in school holidays. She is a naturally timid child and dislikes being around loud noises, sudden moves or boisterous behaviour. She is a very slight 11 year old. She has a strong fear of dogs. About a month ago with no real warning they got a rescue dog (in fact previously the grandparents had said it was unfair to get a pet as they may not be around long enough to care for it - both in 70's and heavy smokers). Not any old dog but a Cane Corso or Italian Mastiff. Comedically large puppy (18 months) and super exuberant. DD was anxious about going down there but we all reassured her it was friendly and engineered first meeting as calmly as possible and on neutral territory. Day 1 went fine apparently. Day 2 she rang me in hysterics asking to come home and almost screaming with terror. When I collected her she was still trembling. I made a big show of the dog (I am not a fan but am certainly not scared of them) and how friendly he was but she was not having any of it. The dog jumped up at me several times and it is strong. On reading up about the breed it seems most Cane Corsos are "too much dog" for the average household. He is only going to get bigger and stronger although as he matures i assume he will calm down. Anyway, my question is this: AIBU to not insist she goes back there, at least for now. She is adamant she does not want to see the dog again and probably does not quite realise this means not staying with her grandparents. I think i need the dust to settle for the moment but i am worried DD will stick to her guns indefinitely . I am still a little staggered that they bought a dog knowing just how strongly their DGD felt about them but its their house and their choice and I can't possibly ask them to take the dog back. Any advice welcome. Especially on how to manage the dog and DD's relationship moving forward. I am a cat person so have no idea!

OP posts:
MumofBoysx2 · 28/05/2018 21:25

Also, because they didn't have it as a really little puppy, they have no idea if there are any 'triggers' that might scare it and put it in defence mode. Could be anything. I think I'd go further than say I wouldn't maker her go. If it were my child I would insist they stayed away, to be honest. Too many horrific stories in the news and they are nearly always rescue dogs. Think about it - the most likely reason for being in rescue is that the original owners didn't realise what was entailed having a dog like that. And if that's the case then they obviously didn't read up on it, give it enough thought and ultimately the right sort of care. So straight away the dog is at a disadvantage, and on top of that you don't know if it came from a reputable breeder and was socialised at the right age.

elephantscanring · 28/05/2018 21:27

www.yourpurebredpuppy.com/reviews/canecorsos.html

Interesting. Hadn’t heard of this breed.

Sounds completely wrong for your pils.
And the pics of the dog - it looks terrifying.

Spotsandstars · 28/05/2018 21:28

I'm a dog person but I just googled the breed and oh my word! No way would my children be around that definitely not with elderly owners who could not restrain it if needed. No way.

Luisa27 · 28/05/2018 21:29

Good point Mumof - yes I wouldn’t allow her to be left unsupervised with the dog, ever, OP.

marjorie25 · 28/05/2018 21:31

First of all, being heavy smokers, my child will not be visiting or even spending over night in that smoke filled place.
Regarding the dog, I would not let her return. But you really should do something about her fear of dogs.
Can you take her to a dog kennel to try and get rid of that fear.
The last thing you want is for her to be walking down the road when she sees a dog is coming her way. Her only escape is running into the street, car is coming up - I don't need to say any more.

gillybeanz · 28/05/2018 21:33

YABU for assuming a rescue dog would be fine around your dd, you even told her this and yet yu had no idea until later when you looked at the breed.
Please don't send her again unless gps can keep the dog away during her visit.
They may have been trying to help your dd with her fear of dogs, but not a great move on their part.

Tiptoethroughtheroses · 28/05/2018 21:34

My PILs also did this years ago, rescued a massive Akita x malumute which was not allowed near under 10s, DD was 18 months old and they had her every week for a day while i worked. I never trusted him and had strict rules in place to never leave her near him.
Of all the dogs they could have rescued, they picked a monster big dog with an unknown background Hmm

Maelstrop · 28/05/2018 21:39

Is it a private ‘rescue’ from Gumtree or similar? Surely no mainstream rescue would allow an elderly couple to have a CC?

CaveDivingbelle · 28/05/2018 21:40

Cane Corso!! They are massive. Our neighbour has a puppy and it is enormous, it's head alone is huge. I wouldn't be happy to let my child go, they have no idea what temperament this dog has.

theWarOnPeace · 28/05/2018 21:40

I would advise anyone commenting to google Cane Corso, they’re no ordinary dog, they are seriously hard work! By hard work I really mean that they take meticulous and experienced training to make them safe to be around. I wouldn’t send my kids to a house with a CC under any circumstance, even with someone who had trained it really well. A good friend had one years ago before I had kids, everyone was scared of it and it was always on red alert, his jaws and muscles were so powerful too so youngot the feeling if he turned them you were for it - but with him it was like a giant baby. Another friend has one now, that I would never show my kids to and also feel quite a deep anxiety when I’m around him even though I’m not scared of dogs at all usually. Unfortunately she sort of inherited it, but really regrets having it and is always wondering if she could stand to give him up. She can’t really go anywhere or have people over with him there! They can be really wonderful with the person that they regard as their master, who they would guard with their life, but anyone who falls outside of that is an outsider, and if left untrained a cc can be highly dangerous to be around. What on Earth were the shelter thinking of, allowing them to take on a cc at their age and health levels?!

annandale · 28/05/2018 21:40

Yanbu. They have done what they wanted which is fine sounds insane and now you put your dd first.

Original poster
prawntail · 28/05/2018 21:43

PIL's have had dogs before (lab, greyhound) but not for 13 years or so. So not total novices. user1486076969 totally agree that they can put her own needs first - I am just not sure they thought it through. Or maybe they did and this end game (not seeing GD, scaring her shitless) was their intention all along :). And i suppose its all to do with the type of dog. Its like an arachnophobe being expected to start learning to love spiders by petting a tarantula. Maybe that actually the best way. Doubt it though.

OP posts:
Original poster
prawntail · 28/05/2018 21:44

THEIR own needs first!

OP posts:
GetOffTheTableMabel · 28/05/2018 21:44

YANBU but this needs to be turned around to ensure that your GPs take responsibility. ‘As you well know GPs, DD is nervous around dogs. I know you will be intending to be responsible owners, especially as you chose to adopt such a demanding breed. It will good for dd to get used to a dog so, when you are sure you’ve got him trained enough so that he doesn’t jump up & is easily under voice control, let me know because I think it will be good for her to get to know him”.
Say something like this soon. They need to get to grips with this immediately & work hard until they’ve achieved it. If they love your dd, they’ll get on with it. And when they say he’s trained, meet him without your dd, to ensure it’s true.

Original poster
prawntail · 28/05/2018 21:49

@marjorie25 - to be clear, it is not a smoke filled house. I am not insane. Yes you are right, I do need to address the fear of dogs. But probably not with a 5 stone puppy.

OP posts:
Phineyj · 28/05/2018 21:50

YANBU, I'm not particularly enthusiastic about dogs (but wouldn't say I was phobic and can be around friends' friendly, well-trained dogs) but I would not visit a house with this in it, so I think I can definitely say I wouldn't be sending a DC in!

Whitney168 · 28/05/2018 21:51

Another who can't believe any reputable rescue centre would rehome a Cane Corso with elderly people.

I also think it would be useful to stop thinking of an 18 month old male of a breed with a strong guarding instinct as a 'puppy'. This is a dog that needs extremely strong (and no, I don't mean harsh) leadership, or it is frankly an accident waiting to happen.

Carycach100 · 28/05/2018 21:51

Wow some really ageist comments on here.Seventy is not that old .Many 70s year olds are fit strong and active

TatianaLarina · 28/05/2018 21:52

My uncle and aunt had a godawful big black dog that they were obsessed with but was actually growly and aggressive.

God knows how we once got inveigled into looking after it, but my sister and I wanted to go out for the night and it wouldn’t let us down the stairs. Kept growling and baring its teeth. We had to get out a first floor window in the end and come back in that way.

I don’t know whether it would have gone for us if we’d pushed it but we didn’t fancy finding out.

My point is really that GPs may go equally into denial about the whole thing.

Whitney168 · 28/05/2018 21:54

I suspect Carycach from that comment that you are not familiar with Cane Corso? I would say a 30 year old couple without extensive dog experience would be taking on too much in this situation, to be honest.

gambaspilpilmyfav · 28/05/2018 21:54

prawntail I am interested to know what the GP said when you went to collect your very distressed DD?

Puffycat · 28/05/2018 21:55

@mismatchedPJs I’ve just googled as well, fuckin ell!!
That is one scary slavering beast!
No WAY my kids would be going anywhere near that!

AdaColeman · 28/05/2018 21:56

Reading up on the breed, it seems they are guard dogs and hunting dogs, so on that alone I wouldn't be sending my child there.

Also being a rescue dog, you have to wonder what behaviour caused them to need rehoming.

It seems an odd choice as a household pet for a couple in their 70s, how will they control it when it's fully grown?

I think for now the visits to Granny are put on hold, until you can be sure your DD will b safe with them.

Nanny0gg · 28/05/2018 21:58

Wow some really ageist comments on here.Seventy is not that old Many 70s year olds are fit strong and active

I'm normally first to object to ageist comments, but 70 year-old heavy smokers are absolutely not fit, strong and active enough for that breed of dog.

Llanali · 28/05/2018 21:58

I’m a dog person, and I cannot for the life of me understand who the hell allowed or approved GPsto have a CC. Which rescue did that? Weirdos. Irresponsible at best, dangerous at worst, from the sounds of things.

I wouldn’t have one in my house, and I have had hunting and guarding breeds before.