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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandparents buy a massive dog. AIBU?

162 replies

prawntail · 28/05/2018 20:21

DD has got a wonderful relationship with her grandparents and stays with them regularly in school holidays. She is a naturally timid child and dislikes being around loud noises, sudden moves or boisterous behaviour. She is a very slight 11 year old. She has a strong fear of dogs. About a month ago with no real warning they got a rescue dog (in fact previously the grandparents had said it was unfair to get a pet as they may not be around long enough to care for it - both in 70's and heavy smokers). Not any old dog but a Cane Corso or Italian Mastiff. Comedically large puppy (18 months) and super exuberant. DD was anxious about going down there but we all reassured her it was friendly and engineered first meeting as calmly as possible and on neutral territory. Day 1 went fine apparently. Day 2 she rang me in hysterics asking to come home and almost screaming with terror. When I collected her she was still trembling. I made a big show of the dog (I am not a fan but am certainly not scared of them) and how friendly he was but she was not having any of it. The dog jumped up at me several times and it is strong. On reading up about the breed it seems most Cane Corsos are "too much dog" for the average household. He is only going to get bigger and stronger although as he matures i assume he will calm down. Anyway, my question is this: AIBU to not insist she goes back there, at least for now. She is adamant she does not want to see the dog again and probably does not quite realise this means not staying with her grandparents. I think i need the dust to settle for the moment but i am worried DD will stick to her guns indefinitely . I am still a little staggered that they bought a dog knowing just how strongly their DGD felt about them but its their house and their choice and I can't possibly ask them to take the dog back. Any advice welcome. Especially on how to manage the dog and DD's relationship moving forward. I am a cat person so have no idea!

OP posts:
SweetCheeks1980 · 29/05/2018 15:10

You all sound like the sort who have a heart attack if a dog goes anywhere near a play park when out on a walk.

Whitney168 · 29/05/2018 15:21

Genuinely not SweetCheeks - I have three large dogs myself LOL. I am also not the sort who thinks this kind of dog is the devil.

I am, however, a practical dog person who knows that some breeds in particular need a home that knows how to handle them for everyone's advantage and safety - and it certainly doesn't sound as if this home is suitable for what is a very specialist breed.

Whitney168 · 29/05/2018 15:22

(I am also not the type who thinks that 'a dog is a dog', regardless of breed. There are vast differences.)

Booboostwo · 29/05/2018 15:30

Cane corsos are not necessarily aggressive dogs. They are intelligent, very loyal and extremely energetic. My neighbor exercises hers by having him run next to her car up and down her farm tracks and he can run for hours. He is the only dog that outplays my GSD.

None of that really matters though as OP's DD is scared of dogs. It doesn't matter if the dog is very friendly, well socialized and really well exercised if the DD is scared of it. Essentially it is about the GPs putting owning a dog over having contact with their dog phobic GD.

Willow2017 · 29/05/2018 15:35

CCs need a lot of specific training and daily reinforcing of what is acceptable behaviour, who is boss etc just through normal activities.

These are not dogs who will want to go gambling around with other dogs in the park, they need close contact exercise, mental stiumulation and rules, rules rules.

What the hell the rescue centre was thinking I dont know. Do the gps actually have any idea what type of dog this is, what it was bred for, as it strikes me they saw it and decided on it without knowledge. (Maybe it just looked like a large lab to them Wink )

Unless they are prepared to work very hard with this dog its a recipie for disaster. A bored and frustrated dog (physically and mentally) is not a good thing to have around.

If they think a large stroppy 'teenage dog' is funny jumping up and around a child they are clueless, its anything but harmless, claws hurt and it could easily knock an adult over never mind a child. This dog is going to be pushing boundaries to see what it can get away with, its no different from human teens really, poor dog I doubt very much if they will give it the exercise and stimulation it needs.

SweetCheeks1980 · 29/05/2018 15:59

You don't know this individual dog's personality. It most likely is perfectly able to mix with, and enjoy playing with, other dogs. Breed traits are not 'set in stone'.
I'm sure any reputable rescue would have assessed the dog.

As for the child, if she is made to stay away her fear will just be reinforced. Get her more involved by getting her to help teach behaviours, and help feed, brush him etc. She'll probably be wondering why she was ever scared of him.

Whitney168 · 29/05/2018 16:05

I'm sure any reputable rescue would have assessed the dog.

I imagine they would. However, I cannot imagine that any reputable rescue would put a dog of this type in an insufficiently experienced home with an elderly couple - which rather suggests that it was NOT a reputable rescue, surely?

Again, I do not think dogs of this type are the devil, or unfit for any home. I do very strongly think a dog of this type is unsuitable for THIS home.

RoxytheRexy · 29/05/2018 16:07

My parents in law did something similar. Got an Irish Wolf Hound X from a couple in a pub that said they couldn’t control it. Three weeks before there GD was born.

It was wild and massive. Could put its paws on the shoulders of my 6’7 DH and would routinely leap the 6 ft garden fence. It’s since been rehomed after less than 18 months, unsurprisingly Hmm

KittiesInsane · 29/05/2018 16:20

Our neighbours - lifelong dog owners, then in their seventies - were approved to rehome a young, bouncy staffie-cross from a reputable centre. Within a year, he'd pulled the chap over when briefly startled on a walk, causing multiple fractures which were life-changing at that age - and that's a small/medium dog with a very experienced owner. Sounds like this one could do as much damage just by jumping at someone.

Frankly, I think an elderly couple need an elderly dog.

expatinscotland · 29/05/2018 16:28

'Why is your daughter so terrified of dogs? This is something I would want to address first and foremost. I always find it so sad when children are fearful of dogs, as to me they're the best thing ever grin'

I like dogs myself, although prefer the companionship of rescue/rehomed cats as we live in a flat, but I'd not push a child who is frightened of dogs. My DS is startled by larger ones due to his autism. He's 9 and it's not the right time to try to force him to like big dogs for any reason. He has enough to cope with.

gambaspilpilmyfav · 29/05/2018 16:43

expat I see alot of DC locally who are scared of dogs. Some of it is the panicky parenting where they grab their DC every time they see a dog in the park thus creating anxiety in the DC around dogs. Also there are some poor dog owners where I live. Let them run into picnics, taking kids ice creams out of there hands, jumping up at young kids and knocking them over, slobbering over buggies. Seen the lot and I had one that tried to pee on my buggy whilst the owner was laughing about how friendly he was. So the OP DD may have had a fright as a DC, but she doesnt need to get over that fear by being around what appears to be a badly trained large dog , if anything it may make her fear worse

expatinscotland · 29/05/2018 16:46

'So the OP DD may have had a fright as a DC, but she doesnt need to get over that fear by being around what appears to be a badly trained large dog , if anything it may make her fear worse'

Oh, I wouldn't have my child around the grandparent's dog ever. I'm not the one who said a child needs to get over their fear of dogs, hence, I put quotation marks round the original post I quoted. My DS is not a fan of larger dogs, I think it's his autism but at this point I don't push it and would never in a million years force my child to be around a huge dog like a CC if she/her were frightened, and actually, not at all, probably, too much potential for disaster. That would be the end of her seeing the GPs at their house for me.

HollyGibney · 29/05/2018 16:50

I actually did a SIOB when I googled and saw the kind of dog this is. I'm a total dog lover, haven't been without one for last two decades but I couldn't let my small children be around a dog like that.

SweetCheeks1980 · 29/05/2018 16:56

What's SIOB?
And seriously, none of you would moan if it was a labrador!

gambaspilpilmyfav · 29/05/2018 17:00

Sorry expat

expatinscotland · 29/05/2018 17:02

'And seriously, none of you would moan if it was a labrador!'

But it's not. And I can't think of anyone who'd be happy for a child to be around a large, untrained, ill-behaved dog.

gambaspilpilmyfav · 29/05/2018 17:03

Sweetcheeks I cant abide labradors! I have a Wire Haired Fox Terrier and they look sweet but can be little shites. i keep him away from small hands

pigsDOfly · 29/05/2018 17:11

It's all very well saying get her involved Sweetcheeks but she's fearful and this dog is huge, boisterous and strong, so could easily knock her over and seriously hurt her, which is not going to go any way towards curing her fear.

If this is real, then my child wouldn't be going anywhere near it until it was trained and under control.

If it were a large, untrained boisterous labrador I'd say exactly the same.

Badbadtromance · 29/05/2018 17:12

Should have gotten a Labrador

Original poster
prawntail · 29/05/2018 17:13

sweetcheeks1980 You may end up with custody of said dog if they pass away before the dog Hahahahahah. Never in a million years. They knew that risk when they got an 18 month old in their 70s's. Also, I very clearly said i cannot ask the them to take the dog back and its their choice. My question asked if i was unreasonable to keep my DD away. I believe she was screaming as a huge dog was bounding around barking with very little control and she is scared of dogs. Not 'no reason'. But thanks for the helpful advice.

OP posts:
halfwitpicker · 29/05/2018 17:14

Even if the puppy is friendly etc he'll still be daft as a brush, excitable and weight more than your daughter. He could easily knock her over

halfwitpicker · 29/05/2018 17:14

Weigh more, tut

expatinscotland · 29/05/2018 17:18

Ridiculous to suggest you get a terrified child involved with a massive, strong, untrained and ill-behaved dog or that you'd ever end up with custody of it if your folks pass on. Not a chance! The ILs have a small but ill-behaved dog. They know better than to assume for one second we'll take it on if/when they pass away. Far too much commitment for us, hence, we prefer housecats.

KittiesInsane · 29/05/2018 17:30

And seriously, none of you would moan if it was a labrador!

I would if it was badly trained and leaping at a scared child.
A friend's child was attacked and bitten by a labrador - not accidentally in play, but a full-on hackles raised, teeth bared warning and attack, for no obvious reason. Both child and dog were being supervised at the time and the owner just wasn't quick enough to intervene, because dogs are fast, muscular and toothy.

LondonTheNovel · 29/05/2018 17:47

YA of course NBU.

To those saying children must be taught to get over their fear of dogs. NO. No thanks. Dogs are NEVER to be trusted and I don't want them around my children - it's not worth the risk - I read too many stories of dog bites and I don't want that to happen to my children. I also can't stand the gross slobber and licking - you may like being licked by a tongue that's just licked its owners bum (or some other dogs bum) but many of us don't - so please understand that many people don't want their children bothered by dogs.

BlueEyes I am so sorry for what happened to you.