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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Grandparents buy a massive dog. AIBU?

162 replies

prawntail · 28/05/2018 20:21

DD has got a wonderful relationship with her grandparents and stays with them regularly in school holidays. She is a naturally timid child and dislikes being around loud noises, sudden moves or boisterous behaviour. She is a very slight 11 year old. She has a strong fear of dogs. About a month ago with no real warning they got a rescue dog (in fact previously the grandparents had said it was unfair to get a pet as they may not be around long enough to care for it - both in 70's and heavy smokers). Not any old dog but a Cane Corso or Italian Mastiff. Comedically large puppy (18 months) and super exuberant. DD was anxious about going down there but we all reassured her it was friendly and engineered first meeting as calmly as possible and on neutral territory. Day 1 went fine apparently. Day 2 she rang me in hysterics asking to come home and almost screaming with terror. When I collected her she was still trembling. I made a big show of the dog (I am not a fan but am certainly not scared of them) and how friendly he was but she was not having any of it. The dog jumped up at me several times and it is strong. On reading up about the breed it seems most Cane Corsos are "too much dog" for the average household. He is only going to get bigger and stronger although as he matures i assume he will calm down. Anyway, my question is this: AIBU to not insist she goes back there, at least for now. She is adamant she does not want to see the dog again and probably does not quite realise this means not staying with her grandparents. I think i need the dust to settle for the moment but i am worried DD will stick to her guns indefinitely . I am still a little staggered that they bought a dog knowing just how strongly their DGD felt about them but its their house and their choice and I can't possibly ask them to take the dog back. Any advice welcome. Especially on how to manage the dog and DD's relationship moving forward. I am a cat person so have no idea!

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/05/2018 20:27

Awwww what a cute dog - tho large lol

But isn’t the point of this thread

Also surprised a rescue centre would place such a big dog with older people who Havnt had a dog for a while

lapenguin · 30/05/2018 20:50

I think knowing what caused the fear (if you can pinpoint it) is important, it can help in addressing the fear.

LondonTheNovel · 31/05/2018 18:47

lapenguin. They have big teeth. They can bite, maul and kill. Why address that? Accept that it's a real threat and a reasonable justified fear, and stop thinking it's worth risking a child's health and life over. It's a dog. Not an essential part of a child's life.

Ohmydayslove · 31/05/2018 19:04

I love dogs. We have one. However I don’t get this addressing the fear crap. She doesn’t need to face a fear which is quite legitimate as London says.

No one needs to have a dog. Mind you I was flamed on other threads because I think no dog should be off a lead in any public place. Why should they be?

We have a dog and paid out over a grand to dog proof our huge garden for her as we take our responsibility seriously unlike the neighbour opposite whose wild jumpy dog is always escaping.

Op the rescue centre were insane giving a dog to anyone as old as your inlaws and they they knew your dd was afraid it’s a stupid thing to do.

People saying little dogs can be snappy thatsctrie but it’s a dam sight easier holding off a yorkie than a bloody Rottweiler.

Busybusybust · 31/05/2018 19:20

They are bonkers! Whatever possessed them? No, your daughter having contact with such a large exuberant dog will just reinforce her fear.

LondonTheNovel · 31/05/2018 19:44

I also agree back with you about dogs on leads in public places, OhMyDaysLove - dogs are always sniffing around my kids and my kids HATE it - most are not going to bite, but the slobber and filth is revolting and I wish people would not let their dogs free to roam at other people. I also think if you get a dog, get it to do its business in YOUR garden - why do we let them poo everywhere, including parks where kids roll around on the grass. I do not get this love of dogs - afaic, they are dirty and smelly and potentially dangerous meaning you can't relax when they are around, you have to be always vigilant.

Thespringsthething · 31/05/2018 19:54

I love how lots of people think more contact with dogs will equal less fear. I am nervous around dogs precisely because of my experiences with dogs- doing my paper-round as a young teen was hideous due to the dog that used to seize the paper out of the post-box and savage it on the other side of the door, the dog that chased me out of their garden (fair enough, but I still had to deliver the things).

Being a bit nervous around dogs (as opposed to freak out scared) is fine, I can tolerate well behaved dogs of friends and family, cross the road if I see a big dog/one I don't like the look of and just live a happy relatively dog-free life. It's not a big deal and all exposure to this not well trained out of control adolescent big dog has probably made the dd far more scared than if she's just not tried with it.

Rainydaydog · 31/05/2018 20:07

*BlueSapp

YANBU, dogs are dangerous and have no place around children, even the most timid of dog has the capability to attack anyone given the right circumstances.*

This is going too far. A carefully selected and well trained dog is considered reliable enough to calm an autistic child or guide a blind person through traffic.
Yes this puppy does sound like it is not well trained and I wouldn't be leaving it unsupervised with a dc or inflicting it on a person who is scared of dogs. But that doesn't mean it is dangerous and with a lot of hard work it can be trained and become a nice pet anyone would enjoy spending time with.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 31/05/2018 20:18

Yes this puppy does sound like it is not well trained and I wouldn't be leaving it unsupervised with a dc or inflicting it on a person who is scared of dogs. But that doesn't mean it is dangerous and with a lot of hard work it can be trained and become a nice pet anyone would enjoy spending time with.

The dog is not a puppy though its 18 months old. In all honesty it is probably past the chance of being trained well enough to ever be around children and it's likely going to cause serious injuries to you husbands DPs by pulling them over whilst they walk it. I would argue the poor dog has no chance of being a nice pet. He might have been salvageable if adopted by a very experienced owner under 40. However instead in 18 months he's already been in at least 2 homes who don't know how to handle him, and in a rescue who have not got a clue so as sad as it may seem I would consider him a lost cause.

LondonTheNovel · 31/05/2018 20:21

Ha. No, not ANYONE, Rainy - I can't stand dogs and I will never enjoy being around one. I have had them inflicted on me and I cannot bear any of them - they smell hideous, I can't stand the slobber, the panting, the lolling tongue, the yapping and/or barking, seeing them lick their buttholes - no no no, dogs are not for me and never will be, no matter how well-trained they are. I do wish dog people would understand that many people simply don't like dogs and don't wish to change that.
AND I don't think any dog is ever 100% trustworthy. Not a risk some of us want to take with our children or ourselves.

Rainydaydog · 31/05/2018 20:26

Not sure if the op's PiL could do it. Not so much age but experience and just being willing to put the work in. But 18m is not too old for training imo.

Rainydaydog · 31/05/2018 20:27

Ha. No, not ANYONE, Rainy -
Ok most people 🐕

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