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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Furious SIL asked me to leave BBQ because of impetigo

300 replies

ohheytheregentleelephant · 27/05/2018 18:56

I am so embarrassed and angry. Bank holiday weekend bbq is big deal in my family every year - we all make different dishes to take, there's bouncy castle and games and a cocktail bar.

I've got impetigo. I told DM and DF this - it's their bbq - and they didn't seem bothered so I made the dishes I'd been asked to make and turned up for the bbq today.

SIL went mad when she realised I have impetigo and wouldn't let them put the dishes I made out and basically caused a scene in front of my parents and dbro and my dp insisting that I leave. Luckily before all the other guests arrived or that would have been even more embarrassing. She wasn't shouting or anything but she made me feel like a right idiot.

In the end I did leave - with the food I had spent ages making! What a waste. And had to miss out on the day that I'd been looking forward to for ages. It's not even that contagious!

OP posts:
MsJudgemental · 27/05/2018 23:25

DS had impetigo which was masked by chickenpox. By the time we knew he had it, he had passed it onto a friend’s child who then developed septicaemia and nearly died. YABVU.

nursy1 · 27/05/2018 23:27

Well if you had told your Mum and Dad (who were hosting it )and they were fine with it if your sil so bothered she should have left. I think she, and some of these posters, a bit hysterical.
Presumably you were not planning on kissing babies or greeting folks with a kiss from your crusty lips? It’s actually much harder to spread by indirect contact ( from towels, knives n forks etc) It’s a really common staph infection which we all carry on our skin, up our noses etc, gets in if you break the skin by scratching so can arise spontaneously.
Impetigo is not bubonic plague people. It’s easily cured.

SantaClauseMightWork · 27/05/2018 23:28

I think you should apologise for your ignorance about this. You could have caused serious problems for others.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/05/2018 23:43

@nursy1 so SIL should have left and the other unsuspecting guests should have turned up and risked infection?

Bojangles33 · 27/05/2018 23:52

@nursy1 It specifically says in NHS guidance not to prepare food for other people because it can cause food poisoning. I am assuming OP didn't realise this rather than just not caring but she probably should have checked that.

DuckEgg86 · 27/05/2018 23:53

Eurgh I agree with your relative . Disgusting

beIindaBlinked · 27/05/2018 23:56

What does a reverse post mean?

DustyCropHopper · 28/05/2018 00:09

While I understand it is contagious, I think one question that should be asked of the op is when she commenced treatment? Our school’s policy, following NHS guidelines, is return to school 24 hours after treatment has commenced.

3333hh44 · 28/05/2018 00:36

Your school is following the guidelines the kidshealth org gave which I pasted earlier. The op said she was on antibiotics.

likelyLilac · 28/05/2018 00:36

I can definately see why you were embarrassed, as you have anti biotics I would assume you were seen by a doctor, did the doctor inform you how contagious this was? While I would say (I'm not a biologist or a doctor) I wouldn't want food prepared by someone with impetigo, I probably would inform you quietly and politely. I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy the family bbq. I think alot of people are being a bit harsh, you often don't know what you don't know so you weren't aware of the dangers of impetigo, and it probably didn't occur to you to look it up. I wouldn't let this cloud your relationship with your SIL, she did have reason to sy what she said, even if it wasn't the best way of putting it.

Dancingtothebeat · 28/05/2018 00:39

My Gran was extremely ill from cellulitis caused by impetigo and nearly died.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 28/05/2018 00:44

Gosh sorry to read that,How upsetting. how is grandma now.?

nursy1 · 28/05/2018 00:50

Staph Aureus is the organism causing cellulitis and the other infections like food poisoning you all mention. As 30% of the population are carriers ( and obviously not that many people have impetigo) I think the dangers are being well overplayed here.
To be on the safe side op you shouldn’t have brought food but no need for you not to attend.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/05/2018 00:58

I have to say that, along with most other posters, I don't think you should have prepared food. Bought some, maybe, as a contribution, but not prepared it.

It IS highly contagious, as has been pointed out many times, so your parents and you were wrong in thinking that it wasn't an issue. No one attending your party might be immunosuppressed, but if everyone at the party caught it from you, there may well be someone in their own circle of friends/family who is immunosuppressed, so you were being rather cavalier with that.

When my brother had impetigo in the dim and distant past, he had to be kept off school because of it. He had his own towels while he had it, to avoid spreading the infection.

Your SIL may have gone about it in an inappropriate fashion but I can't say she was wrong to refuse to eat food you had prepared; you could have stayed at the party but you would have needed to not touch things others were touching, which might have got a bit tricky.

HeyOverHereYo · 28/05/2018 01:05

YABU. It's highly contagious.

HunnidBands · 28/05/2018 03:20

I think the OP has long left the thread; gone away to nurse the impetigo sores.

Look, there is no shame in catching something but ffs, why - WHY would you want to inflict it upon and infect others?

The mind bottles. (Blades of Glory cultural reference)

flowerslemonade · 28/05/2018 04:09

It's not easily cured for everyone. Read some of the stories on this thread.

I have immune system issues that no one in my family is aware of.

I'm glad your SIL was rude to you and embarrassed you. You should be embarrassed... honestly some of the people on this website are vile.

What about people who are self employed and may be depending on that money who have to take a week off work?

What about children who may get it and become seriously ill?

What about the people that the people at the BBQ could pass it to?

It's just selfish - putting your own enjoyment of an afternoon out above the fact you could affect other people's work and affect their health badly. Not everyone is physically robust and throws illnesses off without a second thought. And not everyone makes their medical conditions known to others. I used to take cyclosporine, I would've been mad if I'd been around you during that time period. People didn't know I was on it, so you shouldn't make assumptions!

PlumsGalore · 28/05/2018 04:48

Scrolled to the end for an update, but I guess the OP has got it, she's out of order going to a family BBQ with a contagious skin infection and lovingly prepared food by her own fair hands.

WanderingTrolley1 · 28/05/2018 04:50

Yabu.

SitandStay · 28/05/2018 07:04

I had never heard of it until I read this thread to be honest. If I had scabs on my face though, I would love an excuse not to attend a social gathering!! I think you are getting a pretty harsh response, sometimes it is difficult to balance letting people down and 'doing the right thing'.

Out of interest, what do people do when they have heavy colds/caughs in this scenario? Would you not attend say a dinner party or barbeque if you had a bad cold?

I have a pretty bad cold and at the weekend and cancelled my fitness instructor (as she is pregnant) and didn't want to pass it on (there is a lot of body to body contact). I am working as normal though.

Shoxfordian · 28/05/2018 07:22

Yabu op
It's contagious and nobody else wants to catch it so you shld have stayed home.
If I had a very heavy cold then I'd probably stay away from dinner parties and barbeques, just because I would be all snuffly and it's not nice for other people to see me sneezing all over my food. I also wouldn't want to give it to anyone else.

Mycatsarebetterthanyours · 28/05/2018 07:29

I call reverse!

nursy1 · 28/05/2018 12:29

sitandstay I think you have the right balance
You would be pretty unreasonable to blame people for catching very common infections like impetigo or colds and flu. All of them can rarely lead to very serious complications but it’s part of the risk of being alive.
Lots of evidence that getting these infections hones and improves the immune system
Keep a sense of proportion people

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/05/2018 13:05

I would stay away from all social gatherings with a very heavy bad cold, but mostly because I'd feel like utter shit and not want to go anywhere! There would be consideration for others in there too, of course.

I did go to a party where small children were in attendance with laryngitis once - but it was outdoors, I stayed away from all the small children and refused to hold a proffered baby. I still got shit from one mother (not directly, I heard about it later) but no one caught laryngitis from me because I didn't breathe near enough to anyone else (not even sure if laryngitis is catching, tbh)

flumpybear · 28/05/2018 13:09

As an adult I'd make sure I was being very careful and get somebody else to get me food/ drinks etc and obviously not kiss anyone but I think it's simple enough to keep yourself to yourself - I take it you've got antibiotic cream or tablets?