Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Furious SIL asked me to leave BBQ because of impetigo

300 replies

ohheytheregentleelephant · 27/05/2018 18:56

I am so embarrassed and angry. Bank holiday weekend bbq is big deal in my family every year - we all make different dishes to take, there's bouncy castle and games and a cocktail bar.

I've got impetigo. I told DM and DF this - it's their bbq - and they didn't seem bothered so I made the dishes I'd been asked to make and turned up for the bbq today.

SIL went mad when she realised I have impetigo and wouldn't let them put the dishes I made out and basically caused a scene in front of my parents and dbro and my dp insisting that I leave. Luckily before all the other guests arrived or that would have been even more embarrassing. She wasn't shouting or anything but she made me feel like a right idiot.

In the end I did leave - with the food I had spent ages making! What a waste. And had to miss out on the day that I'd been looking forward to for ages. It's not even that contagious!

OP posts:
brizzledrizzle · 28/05/2018 18:35

I have no idea why your SIL is making so much of a fuss, it saves her buying bacon bits for the potato salad.

Rabblemum · 28/05/2018 18:39

I caught impetigo off a boyfriend once, it’s gross and contagious. I don’t think manners matter when you’re protecting your child form such and obvious and horrid disease. By the way get some antibiotics as soon as you can and it will clear up quickly.

ClaireAnne1976 · 28/05/2018 18:41

What’s a reverse?!

Charolais · 28/05/2018 18:43

No, SIL did not handle it badly. She had to be harsh to get through to the OP.

Sparklyglitter · 28/05/2018 18:43

When I read tag line I assumed it was a child and asking you to leave BBQ with a child with that not unreasonable! Sounds really over the top to ask an adult to leave! Did she have another reason?

kittymamma · 28/05/2018 18:44

What’s a reverse?!

Where the OP pretends to be the person they feel was the unreasonable party.

madcatladyforever · 28/05/2018 18:49

Sorry but I think it is completely unacceptable of you to have gone. it might not be very serious for a healthy adult but pregnant women, children, the elderly, anyone with an immune system disorder such as rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes or cancer could end up in hospital.
I got scabies from some charmer who decided to come to one of my parties and hold my hand for ages and I was livid. I've never spoken to that person again. It's all about taking some personal responsibility.

definitelynotsupermum · 28/05/2018 19:09

@kittymamma why would anyone do a Reverse?

sparklefarts · 28/05/2018 19:14

Absolutely grim.
Your SIL could have been more delicate maybe but was 100% right

kittymamma · 28/05/2018 19:15

@kittymamma why would anyone do a Reverse?

Well I am not entirely sure, but they do appear from time to time. One theory is that people do them because more people are likely to respond to a thread in AIBU topics if they are actually massively unreasonable. Another theory is that people are quick to say "Yes, YABU", so to be the one you feel is unreasonable, makes it easier to validate this point of view. I can understand the latter, as I have noticed on two very different posts (both concerning my husband), people have informed me I was unreasonable for two very opposite things. One post told me that I expected too much from my husband in terms of housework, another told me I do too much myself and had to get the husband to pull his weight - different thread topics, only difference, my starting outlook.

wildchild554 · 28/05/2018 19:17

It is very contagious but also depends where it is and if you can keep it covered so infected area doesn't come in contact with anyone or anything else. If it was a child on the other hand I would keep them away regardless.

siwel123 · 28/05/2018 19:20

You deserve to be shamed and embarrassed.
How dare you risk other people's well being just to attend an event!

pollymere · 28/05/2018 19:22

It depends on having the full facts. Once it's being treated, it's considered fine to send kids back to school so as long as it was being treated you were fine to be there. If not, then you needed to stay home.

Sadbri · 28/05/2018 19:23

Assuming you would have seen a doctor last week as it’s been weekend and bank holiday you should have been on antibiotics for longer than 2 days therefore you are no longer contagious. Then she is BU in my point of view.
I can understand her point of view, working in a early years setting I go into overdrive when contagious illnesses come in and parents drop them off without thinking. Last year while pregnant I had a Mum drop off her 4yo with slap cheek and knew she had it.

howrudeforme · 28/05/2018 19:26

Sil handled it badly.

Olddear · 28/05/2018 19:28

Erm...you were invited but perhaps that might have been you're chance to say erm...I've got impetigo, I'm afraid I won't be able come, SEEING AS HOW I'VE GOT AN INFECTIOUS SKIN CONDITION!!! You're SIL was the only one with any sense!!!

GruffaloPants · 28/05/2018 19:30

Do you know the medical history of everyone invited, their family and friends, and their colleagues?

I am immunosuppressed. Stuff like this is dangerous. I'd be fucking pissed off if I got impetigo because my colleague's cousin (or whoever) didn't want to miss a barbecue.

It is also reasonable for healthy people not to want impetigo.

Ginburee · 28/05/2018 19:41

I am sorry she made you feel bad but my child caught inpetigo from nursery and was hospitalised and under care of the burns and plastic surgery teams. It can cause huge issues for immunocompramised people so yes you should have kept away.

Thingiebob · 28/05/2018 19:42

Impetigo is one of those conditions that can be hardly any issue for some and potentially life threatening for others.
Sorry but you shouldn't have gone. SIL could have been far more polite to you though.

Hope it gets better soon!

whatsmynametoday · 28/05/2018 19:47

Not sure how you didn't see it as a problem. I wouldn't want to eat the food you prepared.

Also I'm immune suppressed atm, hardly anyone in RL knows about it including family as I can't be doing with the conversations as to why... so don't just assume everyone is well. Lots of medications can suppress an immune system.

Uchafi · 28/05/2018 19:49

This has to be a reverse. If not I'm astounded that you thought it was ok to not only go but expect people to eat what you made. It's highly contagious. I applaud your sister for asking you to leave. You need to sort yourself out and stop feeling sorry for yourself about this. You shouldn't have been there.

birdonawire1 · 28/05/2018 19:49

OP clearly has the hide of a rhino to be so dismissive of every reply here and to have turned up at to the bbq, invited or otherwise.

Carriecakes80 · 28/05/2018 19:55

I had Impetigo as a child, it was awful, painful, embarrassing, and a nightmare to a young teen. And I had to be kept away from my brother who already had a weak immune system, because it was very contagious. Who told you it wasn't very contagious?? I am sorry you were made to feel bad, not sure I could have said that so someone myself, but I can see why sadly. Hope you feel better. x

pinkpantherpink · 28/05/2018 19:57

YABU

Unless you have personally surveyed everyone that was invited, you won't know if anyone is immunosuppressed.

While you may have been caught off guard by SIL, she was likely to be responding with shock at your complacency.

Bonez · 28/05/2018 19:59

The most logical/sensible thing was for you to stay away from the bbq if you have impetigo. You certainly should not have thought about preparing food to then give to other people. Your SIL was right, albeit rude in her approach.