Is it selfish to have only one child?

[imagin]

NC for this.

I have three siblings, and growing up I was always told I was so lucky to have this, and how much I'd appreciate them when I'd grown up.

I'm grown up now and only see them a few times a year, we are very different people and not that close.

Me and DP only want one child. We feel it means we can give everything to them, and obviously there will be more money and attention as it won't be divided. Growing up with three siblings we went without things as there was only so much money and time.

We want to get only a two bed house because of this, but so many people say it's unfair on the child for them to be an only child as they'll have no one to play with. Is this really the case? I remember fighting with my siblings and having a lot of grief.

I'm an only child and I'm fine. DS is an only child and he's fine. I do not want any more children and I think it would be far worse for me to bring a child into this world that I don't really want.

DD is an only, due to a difficult pregnancy, labour and my age. If I had had another I would have ended up a single parent of two not one, and one was bad enough to cope with on my own.

She has been brought up to share and is very caring and not at all selfish. She is not spoilt in any way.

She would have loved a sibling but she has friends nearby, does a lot of clubs and is happy. She does now have a half sibling through XH who is a lot younger but she loves her.

I would have loved a sister but never had one. I get on with my brother but we don’t hang out together.

RavenLG indeed. As an adult looking back on assumptions made about me and other only children, I can't help but think it was jealousy...

All child bearing is selfish. The most unselfish thing would be to have none when you wanted them.

Personally I wouldn't want an only child. I'm not close with my sisters but it's still comforting to know that I'm not alone in dealing with somethings - without one of my sisters I think the last year (dealing with the death of a parent) would have broken me.

Dh is fantastic and I now have my own children and family unit...but it's different. I can't imagine having to plan a parents funeral alone and don't want my children to have to either.

My ds is 6, an only child, I yearn for another but we can't afford it easily.

He asks for a sibling sometimes but he's always happy when we get home from my friends (she has 3 boys) and he gets peace and quiet. Definitely not selfish

I think only children tend to be spoilt and find they don't share very well or relate very well to others

Yeah, us only children are right spoilt psychopaths. FFS.

I’m an only child. I loved it for all the reasons - not sharing my parents/toys/etc with anyone and I had bags of attention. I’m probably spoiled but everyone’s screwed up for one reason or another. My OH is youngest of three and was massively miserable. Life’s what you make it.

I think only children tend to be spoilt and find they don't share very well or relate very well to others when growing up and fighting isnpartbof that.

Absolute bollocks.

We have one DC and it makes holidays cheaper and we can focus our resources on them. You have to make an effort to have a group of friends for playmates but all that is doable.

It’s not at all selfish, it’s just a choice.

Its double the cost of most things if you have children of different sexes.

Boy pants and girl pants cost the same.

I’m an only and I bloody loved it!

DD is an only and she claims the same.

It really makes me mad when anyone suggests being an only is cruel or lonely. You can have ten siblings and still be lonely.

Do what suits you. Your child will know no difference.

I think only children tend to be spoilt and find they don't share very well or relate very well to others

Maybe some are.... but others will have learned how to befriend and share with non-family members better than if they had taken-for-granted sibs.

I'm an only, so is my mother and my DH.

None of us have ever regretted being without siblings.

We all have/had close and positive relationships with our parents and a strong and close friendship circle.

If anything seeing the crap DMIL, DF and DFIL have been through with their siblings over the years has strengthened my view that you can't guarantee that your children will be supportive or even civil to each other once they reach adulthood (or even childhood in some cases). That's certainly not a good reason to have more than one child imho.

The majority of my friends have quite distanced, though cordial sibling relationships and frankly little in common other than parentage. A minority are low/NC or conversely very close and loving friendships.

I would say it is lovely to see friends who have very positive sibling relationships and I'm glad for them - but not jealous. On the reverse it's hard to hear the shit other friends have been through (particularly when dealing with and ailing parent and subsequent in fighting over care/assets etc).
Yes I'll have to deal with this alone (well actually with the support of DH) which strikes me as a damn sight easier than if I had a manipulative, money grabbing sibling to contend with at the same time.

So no, I don't think it's selfish. There's pros and cons to each so the best solution is to do whatever you think will enable you to be the best parent you can be and if that's to an only, then that's fine.

And only children aren’t spoilt and do learn how to share. DD is a little too generous sometimes imo. FFS selfishness is not caused by lack of siblings.

If you both only want one child-that's fine.

Please don't be like my ILs though & place the weight of your expectations on them!

I love being an only child and we only want one.

I doubt that other people sit around discussing how selfish people are to only have one child.

Much better to have one and be able to parent them competently (be that in terms of finances, mental/physical health, time etc.) than have more than one and parent badly. We have one, I've found caring for her tough, and I strongly suspect I wouldn't cope with more, to their detriment.

It's no one's business but your own!

I'm an only child, although so many people used to say "lonely" child by mistake? Anyway, I was quite lonely through childhood, I wasn't encouraged to have friends round or go to clubs etc, and I was quite timid and shy I think. I was never spoiled though, and in fact was probably one of the last of my friends to get the latest pair of shoes or jacket etc. My son is an only child, but not through choice, it just never happened that we had another. We made sure he always had friends round and we did stuff with extended family. Plus he was always off to clubs or different things that took his fancy and we were always helping out if we could. I used to enjoy it and tried not to be too embarrassing!. There were so more opportunities and things for him to do than when I was growing up. Definitely not spoiled. He has said he would've liked a sibling, especially a brother close in age. He's an adult now and planning on his own family soon. I suspect he'll have more than one child. I wish we'd have given him a sibling but it wasn't to be. I'll be the only child to look after my parents. They're elderly but in fine health touch wood and we see each other a lot. My son is very close to them and we'll manage together I think. We are very close too.

Of course it isn’t selfish. We have two as we never wanted an only child but that’s just personal choice, there’s certainly nothing selfish about having just one.

I find the sharing thing odd.
My best friend when Dd was little had three close in age, I found them more reluctant to share because they had to, they rarely had their own things.
Dd would happily share as she knew she'd get the toy back to herself later.
She was never given a shared Christmas gift, for example, whilst my friend had constant arguments over the X box or whatever.

I'm an only child but grew up around lots of cousins. To be honest, I liked the bits without them much more!
I think only can sometimes be less streetwise as having siblings toughens you up in many ways!
I'd say onlys often benefit from more of their parents time as it's not shared with others.
My DD has much older siblings so is sort of an only as she's still at primary school on the older children are either away studying or working and have left home. I don't think she is spoilt, but she is articulate and thoughtful and used to adult company.

I am an only child and was sure that having produced the son and heir my husband and I would stop there but somehow we went on to have another four!

But I loved being an only child as I grew up. I have always been very close to my parents. At the back of my mind at times I had the thought "How will I cope with funeral arrangements/care for elderly parents?" but when the time came and my dad passed away my extended family - my cousin and my parents' god daughter were so supportive I can't imagine that even close siblings would have been better.

Now that I am carer for my disabled mother it is hard but the advantages of being an only outweigh the disadvantages in my circumstances.

Mum lives in the granny annex - she and dad gave us their house when our oldest was a toddler. That wouldn't have been so simple if there had been more than one child.

I think you can make the most of the situation you are in. I can't imagine having siblings but my kids can't imagine being singletons.

I think I would be a rubbish parent if I had more than one but I am a good parent to DS. Therefore I don't consider it remotely selfish to have one, in fact having another would be selfish in my case.

As for being spoiled, well maybe, I don't know.
I've never had much money, single parent on benefits, but I could get her a Poundland toy, or a new bubble bath, or cheap Primark pjs she might like, whereas my friend would then have to spend three times as much and try to find equal things for all three instead of just grabbing something randomly.
She'll be getting driving lessons for her 17th, I can afford to do this for one.
I don't think this is spoiled, I think it's perks on being an only.
Those with siblings have other, different perks.