To tell this woman her 14yo dd is going to have sex?

[Luckything50]

Advice pls wise ones. My 14 (nearly 15 if that matters) ds and his lovely gf are planning to have sex. Much discussion going on over instagram (I have access to his account) she's about to get the pill next month and asking him if he wants to... he's saying yes but thinking about risks... so what, if anything, do I do? Have chatted about condoms (he said he was going to be sick having that conversation 😂) but should I be asking them not to, and should I mention it to her mum? We're not friends but she's messaged me in the past about them facetiming at 4 in the morning and seems cool, has a job where she meets lots of teens. I also have a 12 yo dd and would like to know. What the consensus?

Could you talk to them both together? Ask her to discuss with her mum- talk in terms of using condoms to prevent infections etc not just the pill to prevent pregnancy- they sound like bery sensible young people- that should be applauded - well done op that you are able to discuss with your son and he is being sensible. Yes it is illegal, but it would be stupid to sabotage any future trust/communication with them by being too victorian about it. I don’t think its fair on the girl or your son to tell her mother without discussing with her first- her mum may already know and be supportive or may be totally unreasonable and punitive.

Make time for a proper meaningful talk with your son, as it sounds like he is not ready for that level of intimacy with someone. And take him to the local family planning clinic so he knows what it entails and he can get a c card to get free condoms locally with minimum of fuss and embarrassment. Make sure he knows that condoms split, and all about the morning after pill and all types of contraception.
My mum did this with me when I was 13 ( I was mortified) but meant that I waited and got myself long term contraception when I got my 1st boyfriend, rather than ending up pregnant before ALevels like many of my peers. Hope this helps xxx

Like I say, I’d have a problem in that one person is clearly an adult and the other is a child. And I’d advise these guys to wait, for legal reasons if nothing else.

It’s a different matter if both are similar ages though. There is little you can do other than providing advice and guidance if you want to keep your relationship respectful with your soon to be adult child.

All kids are different as well.

zippey

We're not going to agree that two children having sex is fine. If you're too young for sex with an adult, you're too young for sex.

And no, all kids aren't different, at least not in the way you mean.

Um, he's breaking the law and so is she, but he can be prosecuted. Why the rush?

Oh pollymere read the thread. He can’t be prosecuted. Nor can she...😴

It's absolutely bloody disgusting that this boy is thinking of engaging in sexual activity at 14 years of age- as we all know none of us had even kissed a boy until our late 30s! And even then we made him wear a condom just in case...

OP, lock him in his room and chemically castrate him before he rapes someone. It is your duty as a parent. This is what all responsible parents here would do. It is completely abnormal for teenagers to have these feelings and acting upon them would be THE WORST SIN KNOWN TO MAN.

WON'T ANYBODY THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!?!?!? Literally no other teenagers below the age of 16 have ever done anything like this- all we know is that the consequences would be DIRE!

Oh by the way, that post was just a little bit sarcastic and I didnt really mean any of it.

Well, I would just like to make a very polite comment that refers to the title of the post.

"To tell this woman her 14yo dd is going to have sex? "

I presume that 'this woman' refers to the mother of the OP's girlfriend. It's quite rude, imo, to refer to the mother of your child's? sweet-heart as 'this woman'.

So the OP is telling us that 'this woman' needs to be told that her 14 year old is 'going to have sex'.....really? Who says - you? How do you know, OP, that your son's girlfriend is 'going to have sex'?

If I remember back to being in my early teens no-one had a bloody clue what anyone was going to do from one minute to the next.....this whole thing sounds like a wind up....

Frankly, if the OP's son really thinks he is 'about to have sex' he is probably in some kind of fantasy land and I suggest the OP is too....teenagers haven't got a clue about what is going to happen next....

Get real....talk to teenagers about feelings, sex and responsibilities....

Talk to your son, explain that although it’s young, they just need to use contraception at ALL times from start to finish. Make sure he can get the condoms and if there are any issues that he can come and talk to you.
This is a subject very close to my heart. My daughter was 14 years old when she started seeing her boyfriend. She hadn’t wanted to tell me that they started having sex because she thought they’d get in trouble for underage sex. Although they used condoms, they had irritated her immensely and so therefore they were only using them at the END of sex. But still she didn’t come to me to talk about it because of the worry that they might get in trouble, that I might tell her BF’s Mum etc...
My daughter is now nearly 16 and has a 6 month old baby.
I do feel that where I kept saying ‘tell me if you think you might have sex because I’ll get you on contraception BUT remember it’s best to wait till you’re 16 as it’s the legal age’...and so therefore she didn’t tell me due to their ages.
Keep your lines of communication open with your son and you won’t go wrong. Best that he knows he can turn to you for advice Xx

Good luck whatever you decided to do OP. The fact that your son hasn't already had sex with her god knows where means you have raised a decent young man with impulse control. I don't think 14 year olds having sex is ideal but, having consensual sex in a stable relationship at 14 is far better than a 1 night stand at 16. So I would just support them in whatever decision they make. The main thing is they have the contraception issue covered. I think having to make a decision about being a parent or having an abortion at 14 would be horrendous and that would be my biggest concern so I'm glad her mum is being sensible too.

Very surprised about these messages, I was sexually active at this age and most kids today probably are too. The law is neither here nor there. The conversation should be about whether they are emotionally ready, how to be safe, how to proceed only if they are both sure and feel comfortable. Agreement that if any party wants to stop the other will respect that. Yes you should speak to the mum but you may lose the trust of your ds when he finds out you have been snooping. That's not conducive to honest conversations. .