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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these wedding arrangements are stingy?

349 replies

Balloon65 · 25/05/2018 23:20

Going to a wedding in July where there isn’t going to be any food put on in the evening, despite it being a big wedding and an extra 70 evening guests joining the party. I thought that was quite bad, but on top of that the wedding breakfast which was billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake. I don’t know whether the tables will be called up one by one to get their food or if there’ll be 100+ people queuing at the same time.

AIBU to think this is a weird arrangement and guests will be starving?

OP posts:
BrownTurkey · 26/05/2018 07:59

I would make an enquiry at the pub just to give them the heads up, and I would take my own supplies. Its up to them how they do it, but they will sadly probably regret it.

mummmy2017 · 26/05/2018 08:04

Find a travel lodge...... and do breakfast all you can eat..... kids eat free......... change into wedding outfits and get a meal at the pub about 5

puglife15 · 26/05/2018 08:05

Agree their priorities are messed up. We had a wedding which started 2 hours later than that and fed guests canapes, three course meal then simple cheese and crackers type buffet in evening and tbh I was worried that was stingy.

It's bloody expensive serving 200 people enough food, but they should have thought about this before coming up with such a huge guestlist or planning such a long day in a venue with no food. The pub isn't a solution as unless it's huge and unpopular they won't be able to accommodate 270 people in an evening!

A relative had a stately home type wedding on the cheap with nothing catered for until evening and then it was only a few sausage rolls and crisps, lucky the venue sold food so we bought all our own food and drink. I didn't mind as was a close relative and knew they'd tried to keep budget down across the board but would not have been impressed as a guest!

Notasunnybunny · 26/05/2018 08:05

Dreadful, there are lots of nice inexpensive ways to cut your cloth and still have a nice day. If you can only afford afternoon tea have a 3pm wedding, serve afternoon tea at 4.30/5ish and wrap the day up afterwards, if you want an evening do, either feed people or go to the pub and let people know you would be happy if anyone would like to join you for a drink. Lay on some bowls of chips/nuts/crisps. It is totally unacceptable to invite guests to a traditionally catered event and fail to cater. No one NEEDS to have a wedding, you can get married without the party.

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/05/2018 08:06

It sounds shit.

Everyone’s going to go to the pub and not return.

PuppetOnAString · 26/05/2018 08:06

Not everyone has the money to pay for a huge meal for wedding guests

The you scale back your wedding and prioritise, you don’t have to feed them a huge meal. A buffet can be fine, we had a bbq. But you can’t let guests be hungry. If you can’t afford a big wedding then don’t have one.

The pub will be overjoyed with a 100 unexpected hungry guests turning up..

MarthasGinYard · 26/05/2018 08:10

I'd be leaving probably about 7 to go for food. Infact is book a table at the pub as it would likely be very busy.

I'm guessing the eve guests will have eaten before they get there.

Stormwhale · 26/05/2018 08:13

I agree with you completely. Our wedding is this year and we are having a 4pm start, then tons of cookies, sweets, snacks and drinks available as soon as we go through to the reception. Then a bbq with plenty of sides, options for every dietary requirement, etc after a little while, then cake, desserts, donuts, scones with jam and cream, fruit etc afterwards. There will be no hungry people!! People are making the effort to come, we will be feeding them and providing their drinks, it would be incredibly rude not to.

Notasunnybunny · 26/05/2018 08:20

We had family members do this, early ish ceremony with just family then back to the pub. No food was provided as the reception was just an evening party so relatives were left starving, a simple sandwich platter would have sufficed (Grooms dm is diabetic!) there was no food until 9pm when cheap buffet came out with not a single veggie option, groom’s db and his entire family are long standing veggies so at which point they left. It was not only bad manners but a huge snub not to be considerate of guests needs and cater accordingly. There were no more than 20 day guests, so something could have been provided at minimal cost ....or just book a later slot at the registry office.

Notasunnybunny · 26/05/2018 08:25

I’m stunned at people who expect evening guests to have eaten before the event. I would always assume food would be provided. Often these things start at 7 ish, I work Saturdays so wouldn’t have time to cook and eat an evening meal, get ready and arrive in good time. I have no issue making do with a bacon roll but nothing would be totally unexpected and I would be heading home by 9pm

GlitterGlue · 26/05/2018 08:26

Afternoon tea can be great, if it’s substantial. I’ve had a few I couldn’t finish and I have a good appetite. However no food after 3pm is taking the piss.

MarthasGinYard · 26/05/2018 08:28

'I’m stunned at people who expect evening guests to have eaten before the event.'

But on my this occasion the Op says the evening guests have been told 'no food'

So for this particular stingefest I would be turning up having eaten already. Or leave very early and eat afterwards.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 26/05/2018 08:29

Take some snacks and research local pizza delivery options

And maybe a few emergency tins of GandT

CF , rather TF

Firstnameterms · 26/05/2018 08:36

I totally agree OP. We had a very small and informal wedding (30 people) because we didn’t have the money. After we got married, we did a homemade buffet lunch with plenty of food. Then for the evening we paid for our 30 guests to have a 3 course meal at the venue and a bottle of wine on the table. No disco or do in the evening, just a quiet drink in the pub we were in. Obviously some people’s idea of hell but my point being my guests were well fed on our budget wedding. I would be embarrassed at the lack of food if I were that bride and groom.

Yes you want people to join you for your special day but not if they are bloody starving hungry and miserable! Food is a basic part of enjoyment!

C0untDucku1a · 26/05/2018 08:36

Book a table for dinner at the pub asap

Buxbaum · 26/05/2018 08:36

I went to a wedding which served afternoon tea as the only meal for the daytime guests. It wasn't through stinginess but was part of a whole theme. It was lovely, but sandwiches and scones are not much use when served alongside wine and champagne. OP, if you know the B&G well enough please find a way to let them know that their guests will get absolutely shitfaced.

The saviour of this particular wedding was the burger van that they booked for the evening. When it arrived the queue went one and a half times around the marquee.

Firstnameterms · 26/05/2018 08:37

Just to add, I don’t think evening guests not being fed is much of an issue as long as they know. People you have all day definitely need to be fed.

C0untDucku1a · 26/05/2018 08:41

I colleague once told me about a wedding she was invited to and the b&g asked for everykne to bring something for the buffet rather than a gift. She was really taken aback by it but after said it was one of the best weddings she had been to as everyone was talking to each other about what theyd all brought and it was really relaxed and friendly.

I imagine hungry guests will get grumpy and hungry drunk guests might get hangry.

LoveInTokyo · 26/05/2018 08:45

Yes this is stingy.

Don’t invite 100 guests plus 70 evening guests if you can’t afford to feed them properly.

BlueBalletDress · 26/05/2018 08:54

There is a pub next door and the couple have said that if people are hungry they can go there for a pub meal

Shock Do these people have no shame?!

I went to a wedding once that had no food at all, for anyone, apart from the odd tray of canapes that people were practically fighting over. The bride's own Granny was eating McDonalds' at the Reception, I mean how low can you go??

Quickerthanavicar · 26/05/2018 09:01

Book a table at the pub now!

Kpo58 · 26/05/2018 09:07

I think that if I was going to this wedding, my monetary gift would be going on food at the pub instead.

Yesiamhappy · 26/05/2018 09:10

Given how tight they are being I would imagine the buffet to be under catered too - the hotel will give them options and I bet they choose the cheapest and then also downplay the numbers

But the balloons will look good on instagram.........

2gorgeousboys · 26/05/2018 09:10

We had a buffet at our wedding reception and table plan. Starter was served to the table, hot buffet (casseroles, pie, curry, rice, potatoes etc) called up table by table then dessert buffet. It worked really well and no one was hungry. There was the same choice for table 8 as there was for table 1.

LoniceraJaponica · 26/05/2018 09:18

C0untDucku1a That is what my cousin did for his wedding, but he provided all the alcohol. It was the best wedding I have ever been to. Sadly, they are no longer together.

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