To think these wedding arrangements are stingy?

[Balloon65]

Going to a wedding in July where there isn’t going to be any food put on in the evening, despite it being a big wedding and an extra 70 evening guests joining the party. I thought that was quite bad, but on top of that the wedding breakfast which was billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake. I don’t know whether the tables will be called up one by one to get their food or if there’ll be 100+ people queuing at the same time.

AIBU to think this is a weird arrangement and guests will be starving?

My friend didn't have much money when she got married, so they did it in a registry office with a couple of witnesses and next day had a meal in a restaurant where people were invited along but had to pay for their own meal - up to them if they wanted to come. After the meal there was afternoon tea in a village hall paid for by the bride and groom (actually I think she baked the scones herself). Nobody was put under any pressure to go to the meal. I didn't see a problem with it.

'YABU years ago people wouldn't expect to be wined and dined at a wedding'

And you sure as hell didn't tell people to hand over money as a gift or buy you a honeymoon.

American weddings have only one reception so if you're invited you are invited to the whole thing.

If you have a big family + loads of friends you do what Seneca said and go potluck or have a very small one/elopement. People are open to all sorts of different idea for weddings like BBQs, potlucks/bring and share, backyard party, restaurant, etc. Because in most states you can legally marry just about anywhere as long as the officiant is licensed to conduct a wedding ceremony and you don't have to marry by 6pm as you do in the UK, you get a lot more flexibility when it comes to weddings and no one thinks, 'Ugh, they're getting married in their backyard'.

You get so many people saying 'It's so expensive to get married' or 'We can't afford to get married' when really it's not if you don't stick to the whole all-day formula with 3 course meal and speeches (does anyone actually listen to those?) and boring ol' dance for an 'evening do'.

YABNU. I would pre-book a table at the pub to guarantee some food!

Let's look at the issues here. There's the marriage - which can be done as cheaply as you like and include the people you want to include. And then there's the big party, which is not obligatory at all.

A wedding reception is a big party. You're supposed to cater for all your guests by providing a certain amount of refreshment which will ensure they are not hungry for the duration of the time you expect them to attend your party.

This couple appear to be confused and think it's acceptable to invite a large number of people to be present in the room with them at a very posh, expensive place and to make their presence in that place the only thing these people can expect and in return, the people must also handover a cash gift to the couple. I'd call that selfish and thoughtless.

Food is one of the important things when planning a wedding. I slightly overestimated for the reception to allow for anyone wanting seconds, it was a hogroast but there was plenty of other options for vegetarians or vegans or gluton-free. There was a small buffet in the evening as well.
Also, as it was a very hot day and the wedding was midday, I had ice cream served before and after the ceremony.

YABU years ago people wouldn't expect to be wined and dined at a wedding but pleased to be invited in the couple's happines.

Nope. Years ago, people would be properly fed and the B&G embarrased if there wasn't enough.

embarrassed... why do I only spot the spelling error as I'm clicking post ...?

Most weddings I have been to, we have had to travel, often stay overnight. Once you add in the outfit, the cost of travel and accommodation, the wedding present etc it can be costly.

It is not too much to ask to be fed. As long as there is enough decent food, most people won't mind what form it comes in.

Last wedding i attend was in scotland and im in england. We travelled that morning, all morning, as we couldnt justify two nights in the very expensive out in the middle of nowhere hotel with not so much as a b&b within a reasonable distance. Then the outfits x 4 and gift. And drinks. Im vegetarian and while i had a lovely vegetarian meal at the reception after the two hours of speeches, hours upon hours after actual breakfast, there were no canapés that were vegetarian and at the evening buffet the staff, who by this point knew me , actually had to go and get me something special to eat as everyone else had bacon sandwiches provided. I was quite drunk.

FEED. YOUR. GUESTS.

I got married in december, our ceremony was at 2pm and we had canapés and reception drinks straight after, and an afternoon tea at around 4PM, it was an at seat service though so each table was allocated however many sandwiches scones and cakes they were catered for. We did provide evening food as well, I think as a guest there is nothing worse than being hungry at a wedding, I know that it is difficult to balance feeding your guests for a reasonable amount of money and being able to spend on other areas of the wedding... I would definitely take provisions as it might be difficult to slip away without it being noticed, and you don't want to potentially upset the newly weds because you slipped out for dinner, even though I do agree there is an expectation that there should be more food at a wedding.. There is no point in possibly upsetting your friends over food. x

It really doesn't matter what you eat at a wedding as long as there is enough of it.

I've been to weddings where the food has been served as a buffet, afternoon tea, hog roast, all sorts. Sometimes there's been an open bar, other times I've had to pay for my own drinks after the meal.

Never gone hungry though.

We didn't have enough money to feed our guests twice. So we got married at 4pm, over by 4.30, had a Buck's Fizz reception for an hour and then hog roast buffet at 5.30. Speeches at 6.30, cake served at 7.30 with massive plates of strawberries and cream. The hotel plated up what was left of the hog roast (a lot!) and the cake and left it out as the evening buffet. At 11pm they brought out big bowls of chips. I'm really hoping no one was hungry, but there was food leftover. My MIL made the cake, and she did three extra tiers for them to put out for the evening do as well.

'and you don't want to potentially upset the newly weds because you slipped out for dinner, '

If they're so rude they haven't supplied enough food, they probably won't even notice if people slip out for dinner. I would just leave.

The bride in this OP obviously doesn't care for her guests, other than their wallets, and is fine with people fucking off to a pub for food, which makes me wonder why the OP is bothering to go.

''It's all very well saying only invite a handful of people if you can't afford to feed much more. What about if you've a big family or lots of friends? What about if your relatives are the type to kick off and start a decades long feud if you don't invite them? Obviously some people waste money on fripperies rather than spend it sensibly on catering but it's not always those kind of "hosts."''

My sister only invited 2 immediate families-that is brothers and sisters and their kids and partners to the wedding service and the meal. Hardly going to not be able to afford that now. After there was a night time party in a function room with a hired band and a dj and guests came from around 8[although it was an open invite for all -nothing official] and there was no expectation of food or presents so yes you can still have your wedding on the cheap and cause no offense.

My wedding reception was at a lovely country restaurant, with passed hot appetizers during the cocktail hour, sit down table service, soup and salad courses, choice of several different mains and veg, an ice cream sundae bar and sweets table and of course the wedding cake. It was considered nice but not extravagant

That’s my kind of wedding . I’m LOL at “ the hangry wedding of ‘18” .

Parties cost money but there are areas where savings can be made eg venue, photographer, honeymoon, flowers, dress , photo booth etc before not providing sustenance to your invited guests.

We were away last week at a conference and, as we subtly ambushed the canapé waiters again at a drinks do despite having lunched and the prospect of dinner later , wondered why we seem to get hungrier and eat more when out of our normal environment. Maybe it’s some primal fear of not being in control of supplies so the impulse is to stock up when when it’s available - with a bit of greed and temptation being thrown in ones way being the alternative explanation. I certainly laid down stores of prawny puffy things to survive the long, long wait ( an hour, tops) until dinner.

Maybe being at a wedding or other event in a relatively remote place or away from home makes some people feel more anxious about being fed enough or at a particular time, in a way that they don’t at home ?

I don’t think I have ever thought in advance about what the food would be like at a wedding or if there would be enough. I had an aunt who used to fret about this sort of thing and always had cereals bars etc in her handbag.

'Maybe being at a wedding or other event in a relatively remote place or away from home makes some people feel more anxious about being fed enough or at a particular time, in a way that they don’t at home ? '

More like plenty of people don't skip meals even at home or go for hours and hours without food.

That’s my kind of wedding

We are both from fairly small families and had only about 60 guests, so we could splurge on the food a bit. I didn't spend much on my dress either.

We're now happily married for 21 years with two great DC, the oldest heading off to university this fall, so I guess we did something right.

Either go and take some snacks in your bag or don’t go. If the wedding starts at12.45 surely you will mire than ready to leave by 4 pm anyway ?

"People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel."

And in this case it will be hangry, I fear. In my experience, once you become properly hungry at an event like this it is all you remember about it.

For those saying - you can go for a few hours without food blah blah - of course we all can - if we are choosing to undertake a fast or perhaps run a half marathon. This is a wedding, a feast, a celebration - you make your guests feel special, indulged and fabulous NOT HUNGRY.

On a lighter note, you could turn this into a money making opportunity. Why not see if you can hire a food van. Slip away at around 5pm and come back with your Dirty Burgers van - park up outside peep the horn and watch the money come in.

Exactly - people can skip a meal and not mind if there's a reason for it - they are working, or engaged in some other activity that doesn't allow for a snack break, but they are prepared to do without food for a while. Most people expect that, having been invited to a celebratory party, food will be provided (unless the hosts have specifically said: please bring food to share.) When you are expecting food and it is witheld, that's awful. If you are somewhere you have been told food will be served and it runs out before you get any, that is really distressing, especially if there is nowhere nearby for you to get anything else. If you have to do without food because someone else has been stingy or thoughtless, your opinion of them is likely to go down a lot.

If the wedding starts at12.45 surely you will mire than ready to leave by 4 pm anyway?

Ready to leave a wedding 2 hours after the reception starts?! I don’t intend getting home till midnight.

Seating plan for a buffet? No
Wedding couple have suggested people go to the pub next door if hungry?

I'd lose the invite.