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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these wedding arrangements are stingy?

349 replies

Balloon65 · 25/05/2018 23:20

Going to a wedding in July where there isn’t going to be any food put on in the evening, despite it being a big wedding and an extra 70 evening guests joining the party. I thought that was quite bad, but on top of that the wedding breakfast which was billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake. I don’t know whether the tables will be called up one by one to get their food or if there’ll be 100+ people queuing at the same time.

AIBU to think this is a weird arrangement and guests will be starving?

OP posts:
LighthouseSouth · 26/05/2018 00:29

"they've invited you because they want you to share the day with them"

Or they want money.

I know we live in an age of crazily extended adolescence but youth is not an excuse. They know guests will be hungry, hence the advice about the pub.

GreenTulips · 26/05/2018 00:30

WhatsApp the other girl years and see who wants tonprenook a table at the pub around 8pm and aodnoff for a feed.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/05/2018 00:30

Are there any sensible relatives? My mum and dad would have ordered pizza to the venue if there was a hope of guests being hungry.

They're careful with money but not when proper hosting is at risk!

RedForFilth · 26/05/2018 00:34

You seem to be obsessed with being catered for what? Surely it is the done thing to feed guests at a party!!

bring sandwiches oh yes OP don't bother with a nice handbag, take a cool bag and pack some sandwiches. Or stuff some coctail sausages in your bra?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/05/2018 00:34

"or they want money" Where does it say the bride and groom have asked for money from OP?
If you think that's all they want - don't go.
They would probably rather not have guests who are complaining about them like this, behind their backs, whilst doing nothing to communicate with them about any concerns.

RedForFilth · 26/05/2018 00:37

The invitation came complete with a request for money to

crunchymint · 26/05/2018 00:40

I don't understand this at all. I have been to weddings where people had very little money. One where the reception was in the church and friends had prepared a substantial buffet. One that was a picnic and bring food to share. But don't spend your money on all the trimmings of a big wedding, but leave out the food.

Italiangreyhound · 26/05/2018 00:44

Sounds like they want to do it on the cheap and have loads of guests. Fair enough, but I'd pack my bag with power bars and snacks!

I did go to a wedding where the only food was wedding cake!

"There is a pub next door and the couple have said that if people are hungry they can go there for a pub meal, so we may well do that. I don’t understand why they’ve bothered with a table plan for a buffet."

Go to the pub, defo!

I had a table plan and a buffet. I am a bit of a control freak! But it worked fine.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 26/05/2018 00:52

Their priorities sound massively out of whack. Spending what sounds like a lot of money on the venue, a huge number of guests and luxury extras and not feeding people is just ridiculous. If you can’t swerve it entirely, make sure you take a picnic OP!

This ^

DuckbilledSplatterPuff you have a fantastic user name. And your first post is glorious. So cross, and so well put. I was totally with you.
Unfortunately spoiled by your second post, where you haven't picked up that the B&G actually have asked for money....

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 26/05/2018 00:52

"billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake"

er, isn't that what an afternoon tea is?

but YANBU rude not to cater in the, even if its just chips or the bacon butty cliche.

and if all you'd been offered was afternoon tea with a 12.45 kick off you'd be needing to go by 7. someone should do an intervention and tell them to start later

LighthouseSouth · 26/05/2018 01:04

Duck, the op said they asked for money.

mustbetimeforacreamtea · 26/05/2018 01:10

The B&G are running a big risk suggesting that if people get hungry they should go to the pub. What's the betting that there'll be endless photos being taken of the happy couple about the same time that people are getting hungry (1.30-2.00-ish) and guests decide to peel off to the pub. If the vibe is good in the pub, no seating plan, people discussing the wedding, catching up etc it might be quite difficult to get them back to the venue for a few sandwiches and a photo booth. Plus with 200 hungry guests they may have to travel further to find a pub or restaurant and then there's even more chance they won't return.

TorviBrightspear · 26/05/2018 01:26

There is a pub next door and the couple have said that if people are hungry they can go there for a pub meal

Well, I'd certainly be off for a pub meal, and I wouldn't necessarily hurry back.

There's generally an unspoken wedding ettiquette that the guests turn up with gifts (or money) and get fed as part of the day. You are, after all, frequently asking people to attend an event that takes place over one or more meal times. Adequate food for guests should be high up the list.

So we have here not just guests being told to go off and get their own food, they're being asked for money as well. I've no problem with giving money, especially where a couple have been living together, but asking for money after you've made it clear that you effectively expect your guests to subsidise the wedding by buying food elsewhere is a bit off for me.

And of course, caterers always seem to under estimate just how much food people will pile on their plates, so I'd be surprised if those on the later tables get much.

TorviBrightspear · 26/05/2018 01:26

My spelling is shit, I need to go to bed.

Copperbonnet · 26/05/2018 01:41

So the 70 evening guests aren’t being fed and aren’t even being provided with a drink?

Confused

People will either leave and go to the pub.

Or leave and go home.

Or stay and be bitching about the bride and groom.

TorviBrightspear · 26/05/2018 01:43

Somebody needs to talk to the B&G, this has disaster written all over it.....

ZenNudist · 26/05/2018 02:10

Are you close with the couple? They could do with a warning that they will go down in history as throwing a shit party. Giving everyone licence to push off elsewhere to get fed is silly. Why do they want their party to empty out early?

  1. get a group together and book a table at the pub. Perhaps pointedly enquire as to the best time to do this.

  2. minimal present. Id say £20 is fair or dont bother as really its entry fee to a crap night club. If they like booze a bottle of champagne. Id be loathe to contribute much to a pot of money they are blatantly trying to amass by inviting loads of guests but undercatering.

Flaminglingos · 26/05/2018 03:30

Do you know any of the evening guests? I'd sneakily let the cat out of the bag and tell them there's no food. So they can adjust the cash gifts to a penny which they can tape to the inside of the card. Incredibly rude and entitled.

Flaminglingos · 26/05/2018 03:33

Everybody should leave at 7pm to have dinner and leave the newly wedded couple alone in the posh hall with their twinkly lights.

Cawfee · 26/05/2018 03:48

Have a massive brunch/full cooked English breakfast at about 10.30 before you go to the wedding. Order extra toast and wrap it in a napkin and slip it in your bag for something to nibble. A huge English fills me up for the day!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 26/05/2018 05:22

It's bad manners.... It's fine if everyone loves a mile away and they're only attending for a couple of hours.... And it's explicitly stated there is no food...

We once travelled 4 and half hours... For a lunchtime wedding.... Where there was crisps and nuts... And nothing else...

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/05/2018 06:05

This isn’t the first thread and won’t be the last of an entitled b&g, who see nothing wrong with giving no food or drink to their guests. I would inform as many people as I could. That way they can give a smaller present and spend the money they would have given for a gift on food. Great plans for diabetics, ill/old/disabled people etc.

3333hh44 · 26/05/2018 06:17

We had this once. What made it worse was that our table was right next to all the delicious looking food, but was the last to go up. We watched people absolutely pile their plates up and realised quite early on that there would be nothing left for us. [Angry]

If it's afternoon tea, why don't they put a selection of everything on each table as is traditional?

PeonyTruffle · 26/05/2018 06:22

We went to a wedding where they had a buffet. We were called up table by table to shuffle along and get our food. We were quite near the end of the list of tables.

It wasn't even a nice buffet, DH went up for both of us as I was feeling DS, he came back with one triangle of sandwich, a couple of cold chicken nuggets, a sausage roll and some crisps as supplies were running low

We sloped off early and got a takeaway!!

Bettyfood · 26/05/2018 06:28

12.45pm? Bloody hell.

Our wedding ceremony was at 3pm and by about 4.30pm guests were tucking into canapés and champagne, and by 6.30/7pm they were sitting down for their dinner.