To think these wedding arrangements are stingy?

[Balloon65]

Going to a wedding in July where there isn’t going to be any food put on in the evening, despite it being a big wedding and an extra 70 evening guests joining the party. I thought that was quite bad, but on top of that the wedding breakfast which was billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake. I don’t know whether the tables will be called up one by one to get their food or if there’ll be 100+ people queuing at the same time.

AIBU to think this is a weird arrangement and guests will be starving?

mrjoe I had one of those doll cakes with the cake as the skirt for one of my birthdays when I was child.

Catfish and hushpuppies. Food of the Gods.

Our groom's cake had a fishing theme. It's DH's favorite pastime.

I always wanted a dolly/princess cake as a child, and consoled myself with the idea that I'd be able to make one as a parent.

Shortly after having a third son, I made MYSELF a dolly cake for MY OWN birthday. And it was everything I'd ever dreamed of...

Crikey, mishfish , that’s feeding people every two hours ! Unless the evening buffet is more aimed at evening only guests, which you don’t mention.

seneca he's gone now but dh was born and raised down here in the glades .his dad was a sports writer for all the big mags.he was the power behind many of the catch and release programs for sport fish.
made him a gator cake one year.
oh friend who is cajun chef in nola is bring bunch of gator steaks told him he could have the 18ft one in the river down the road

note to anyone doing doll cakes.a metal half round bowl makes the best skirt.no trimming or sculpting.
little and i see here big girls love them.

auntie did the scarlet ohara green velvet gown thing one time.we wanted her to do this....went with the wind

It's all very well saying only invite a handful of people if you can't afford to feed much more. What about if you've a big family or lots of friends? What about if your relatives are the type to kick off and start a decades long feud if you don't invite them? Obviously some people waste money on fripperies rather than spend it sensibly on catering but it's not always those kind of "hosts."

It's all very well saying only invite a handful of people if you can't afford to feed much more. What about if you've a big family or lots of friends? What about if your relatives are the type to kick off and start a decades long feud if you don't invite them? Obviously some people waste money on fripperies rather than spend it sensibly on catering but it's not always those kind of "hosts."

Then maybe they could wait until they have saved enough money to cater for all of the guests they want to invite?

Sounds like they are trying to put you off? Maybe it's not their choice, know plenty of parents/ in law's who try and take over or could be they have no idea what would work catering wise. It often depends if venue has a decent planner or events manager telling people what works. Why are they inviting people, it there's no food or drink in the evening not much of a celebration? Either have to broach it or just go and leave when you get hungry or pre-book table at pub letting them know part of wedding party or check with venue where there is to eat locally, which might prompt them to forewarn b and g

Sounds like a wedding on a budget. I would be mortified if my guests had to go and eat at a pub nearby!

@PlatypusPie yes sorry should have mentioned evening guests would be arriving at 18:30/19:00ish so it’s more aimed at them. My family are middle eastern so A LOT of food is expected

What about if you've a big family or lots of friends? What about if your relatives are the type to kick off and start a decades long feud if you don't invite them.

Do what some friends of mine did. They had a very large family and an even larger circle of friends and very little money. In lieu of gifts, they asked people to bring food. The maid of honor was in charge of coordinating it all so there was a good selection. They even made arrangements with local delis so that people who were coming from out of town could order something to bring. Dress was casual. Children were invited. The music was great. It was one of the nicest, and most fun, weddings I have ever attended.

Im confused...might the bride and groom not be able to afford a proper dinner fir guests and why would you presume there will be nothing left uf you're the last table..what if theyve ordered plenty with the caterer.

We were invited to a wedding about a three and a half hour drive away; we weren’t invited to the sit-down meal, only the evening do, at which there were half a dozen large pizzas to feed over 100 guests. Now that’s what I call stingy! Needless to say the local fast food establishments were inundated that evening.

I would try to book my evening at pub next door. If necessary explain to pub that they may be very popular and ensure you book table.

Sounds like a wedding on a budget.

might the bride and groom not be able to afford a proper dinner fir guests

Well, perhaps they shouldn't have booked a stately home as the venue, spent £5K on the dress, £2K on flowers, and have photobooths.
Oh, and invited 170-200 guests.

I'd find it hard to resist the temptation to give them 20 quid and say in the card, sorry, it was going to be 50 but the rest went on dinner at the pub.

If people have a small budget but know that one or both of them needs to invite Uncle Timmy and Uncle TImmy's chldren, grandchildrean and great-grandshildre then they might well book the village hall and ask guests to bring food/ drink to share, and that's FINE

There is a pub next door and the couple have said that if people are hungry they can go there for a pub meal, so we may well do that. I don’t understand why they’ve bothered with a table plan for a buffet.

Sounds like they found a great way to get out of providing meals.

tillydoodles - hopefully you can show your DD some of the comments on this thread so she makes sure she provides sufficient in the way of sandwiches and scones, and not just a few! Unless all the guests eat like birds of course.

Honestly, even if I was just going with my husband and not our 3 kids, I’d take a lovely basket of bread cheese, cured meats, fruit and a bottle of wine; we’d just find a spot and enjoy the day. If the kids were coming too, we’d picnic accordingly 😉

Help!

I’m going on holiday with my 8 month year old and 2 step kids who are teenagers and I’m dreading it.

It is stingy, I think with weddings there comes an responsibility to cater it adequately or change the parameters of the wedding to suit the budget. You can do things like change to a mid-morning service and then just provide a light lunch and time an evening function if you want to do that for later in the evening allowing time for guests to have a meal before that goes ahead. Or cull the guest list, you don't have to invite everyone on the planet. Even then, there should be provision for some food as nibbles if an evening function is put on, it's not being a responsible host to have a function with alcohol involved and not provide something to mop that up. It's easy enough to time things so it's clear an meal won't be provided and it's irresponsible to not say anything if guests are going to expected to leave if they want any food.

I've been to one wedding like that and it was awful, and all they needed to do was adjust the time and date to a mid-morning on a weekend and make it more of a relaxed affair with a buffet lunch which would have made a huge difference.

Instead they had the service at 4pm on a Friday meaning everyone had to take at least half a day off work, then when we got to the venue there were only four tables with no linen and about 24 seats for everyone to sit on. So you've got dozens left standing, including elderly relatives.

It was only then that anyone might have realised there was no proper meal as you'd expect with that timing and as this was at a golf club, quite some distance to go if you'd wanted some food. There also was no entertainment, not even some music playing from behind the bar. There was no nibbles, and eventually was some food put out about 10pm but it was only bread rolls, mesclun salad, ham and some seafood and on top of that it appeared they'd given the caterers numbers for about half the people there so that disappeared very quickly. Then of course, pretty much everyone that managed to grab some food had to eat standing up. Then there was the awful speech by the bridesmaid who implied she'd married down and they were expecting her to marry a lawyer or something.

We escaped as soon as we could and grabbed some food but really I don't understand why they did that because you don't have good memories and I think it would have been obvious that no one was enjoying themselves.

So they shouldn't do that, it's not that hard to work out a few compromises if needed instead of leaving guests without proper hosting.

It does sound like their priorities are back to front - spending money on stately homes and other things but not basic hospitality.

Yes a wedding is about celebrating a marriage. A wedding party however is about hospitality in my view. There are a million ways to do this from pot luck to hog roasts to full sit down dinners. But to invite large numbers of people and make limited provision to feed them is really poor.

FWIW my MIL once commented that weddings in her day were much simpler - but more in that they weren't an all day affair with a disco at night. Just the celebration with food and drinks st home after. Not that people weren't fed!

I also remember one wedding where people were underfed. It was lovely in many ways but there were few canapés and then a hog roast sandwich for dinner. You could get more but the queue was so long it never happened. Everyone was plastered!

I wish my family was middle eastern. Or American.

Complain all you like about bridal showers and 15 groomsmen but you never go hungry at an American wedding.

We went to a wedding a few years ago where it was clear that the whole thing was about 'the venue'. It was held at a beautiful stately home, miles from anywhere. We had to pay for two nights accommodation for us and dcs, taxi to and from venue as they had no car park (!). We had considered not paying the ridiculous cost of breakfast at our accommodation as the wedding was at mid-day. Dcs were hungry though, so we paid out. Good job we did as wedding at mid-day, b&g went off for photos leaving guests in a reception room for two hours with no food, no drink - hot day and venue didn't sell drink, not even a glass of water. Fancy meal at 5pm which nobody really appreciated as we were all beyond hungry by then. B&G did supply drinks with the meal and there was a bar in the evening - again, pre-ordered and paid by b&g, so limited choice if you didn't want alcohol. No more food in the evening, not even a bag of crisps. But, their photos do look beautiful. OTOH, we have been to another wedding my h more recently. Beautiful venue, again, requiring a couple of nights stay. But the overall experience couldn't have been more different. B&G had thought of their guests comfort and enjoyment in every aspect of the day. Food and drinks were not only plentiful and delicious, but when best man's DC didn't like their meal groom had the kitchen prepare a meal especially for them. This B&G also look amazing and happy their photos. So do their guests.

I love it when people say 'just put a sandwich in your bag'etc. Perhaps they'd explain how that works when you are staying away from home in an area you don't know and don't have access to shops etc?

but you never go hungry at an American wedding.

Guilty as charged on the bridal showers, but you're right about the food. If someone here did a wedding reception with nothing more than a few nibbles and cake lots of people would just pack up and leave and it would cause a scandal that people would talk about for generations, calling it "the hangry wedding of '18".

The poor couple would probably have to change their names and move to Wyoming or Montana.

My wedding reception was at a lovely country restaurant, with passed hot appetizers during the cocktail hour, sit down table service, soup and salad courses, choice of several different mains and veg, an ice cream sundae bar and sweets table and of course the wedding cake. It was considered nice but not extravagant.