To think these wedding arrangements are stingy?

[Balloon65]

Going to a wedding in July where there isn’t going to be any food put on in the evening, despite it being a big wedding and an extra 70 evening guests joining the party. I thought that was quite bad, but on top of that the wedding breakfast which was billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake. I don’t know whether the tables will be called up one by one to get their food or if there’ll be 100+ people queuing at the same time.

AIBU to think this is a weird arrangement and guests will be starving?

@boiler - it’s my opinion, it’s unnecessary to attack me and allege my opinion is “full of shit”. It’s genuinely my opinion.

The OP is fully aware that there will be no food provided in the evening so she is able to plan and make provisions. Perhaps it really is a matter of the wedding party not being able to afford food on top of everything else, they could have just not invited guests and had a tiny wedding but then they’d likely receive back lash from those that were not invited. I don’t think you can win.

I do hope that food aside you have a lovely day OP

If it is an all day wedding, 12.45 would count as this if it carries on through the evening then it is unreasonable not to provide anything other than afternoon tea. Telling people they can go to the pub for food will surely inundate the pub unless it is a small wedding and risk emptying the venue just as B and G settle down for first dance. If you put on an event, a wedding is an event then you should cater it properly. If an afternoon tea is served at 3pm and nothing else there will be very hungry and drunk people if the bar is open. If they can't afford to serve food then why not do a smaller wedding or a cheaper venue rather than skimp on feeding your guests.

I think Indian hospitality is generally ludicrously generous - that's certainly the reputation. Having food pressed on you until it's oozing out of your nose and eyeballs

'The OP is fully aware that there will be no food provided in the evening so she is able to plan and make provisions. Perhaps it really is a matter of the wedding party not being able to afford food on top of everything else, they could have just not invited guests and had a tiny wedding but then they’d likely receive back lash from those that were not invited. I don’t think you can win.'

Then you don't hire out a stately home and a photo booth when you can't afford to even stand your guests a single drink! Or elope.

I hope the OP grows a spine and doesn't go.

I do think cultural expectations do come into this. I grew up, and still live, in the Southern US. You just don't have a party without food. It's unheard of. If you are having a wedding, and you have to invite a lot of people because of large families, etc and your budget is limited, the expectation is that you're going to save money on things like flowers, the venue, the dress, the time frame (no all day functions), but it is considered basic courtesy to offer refreshments appropriate to the time of day. So that does influence my view of matter.

I can't think of any culture that has parties without food

Maybe in this Instagram / FB world, it will become the fashion to just have photos of delic food & drink on the tables, but no actual food or drink,
because now the experience is all about what you post on social media

And you take photos of the food early on and very close up so you get artistic out of focus blur around that one plate. Then you can't tell there's only six blinis between sixty guests.

Well, teenage parties tend not to have more than a few packets of crisps, I seem to remember. But this wedding really does sound grim.

If you don't feed people, that will be what they remember about your wedding. Not the beautiful service, flowers, dress, but that they were hungry and there was no food

Exactly. The most expensive wedding I've been to had the least amount of food. I knew how much it all cost as now DH and I had considered it for our own wedding a few months before, but vetoed it as the staff weren't very nice. This staff attitude was borne out on the day of our friends' wedding in their reactions when the buffet ran out of food. People were cranky and left early to eat elsewhere.

OTOH, the two best weddings I recall food wise were at low cost bowls clubs. So much food, and so delicious. Everyone was very relaxed, happy and full.

I think we need to revise wedding presents if we’re going to be hungry alll day in a village hall in the arse end of nowhere.

I went to a fab wedding where the food was afternoon tea, there was plenty for everyone and it soaked up the booze. It was actually nice to have something light on a very hot day. On the evening a fish and chip van came which was spot on as everyone was drunk by then and it totally hit the spot. This was a budget wedding but included lots of free booze and plenty.to eat so we all had a fantastic time.

Been to two weddings where the speeches have been disasters and nice micheline starred food underestimated due to eating at 3.30-4.00 without lunch or food available beforehand, and too much booze consumed in between

My experiences have been if a wedding ceremony is from 12 onwards, you aren't going to be eating until mid-late afternoon.

I always make sure I have snacks in the car or something now.

To be honest you are OK with this wedding as you know there wont be food, so can make arrangements before I would be booking a table in that pub for definite.

Maybe in this Instagram / FB world, it will become the fashion to just havephotosof delic food & drink on the tables, but no actual food or drink,
because now the experience is all about what you post on social media

In a recent documentary, Mary Beard mentioned lower-tier guests at a Roman banquet being treated like this, with wooden food! Not to mention guests on other occasions being poisoned...

Horrible Histories also did an extended number on Ersatz food... in the trenches.

Wedding hosts! These are not good role models!

I would ring the pub and book a table pronto.

Or load up Just Eat on the phone and get food delivered to the car park.

Having read every post here I think the clear moral of the story is scrap the buffet as they fail at a wedding and have your 3 course meal, if you cannot afford that then either have a private wedding or cut back on your guests. Either way DO NOT invite guests if you cannot afford to feed them and look after them in a decent venue.

I have never being to a wedding in my life without your 3 course and the buffet in the evening[which only some eat as the 3 course should be sufficient for plenty] and I have no complaints...

Take a cereal bar in your handbag!

No you don't need to have a 3 course meal. I have been to brilliant very budget weddings.
A picnic in a park and bring food to share. Kids played together and it was genuinely fun.
A buffet in the church after the service. Food was made by friends. But after the buffet the day finished, so nobody was hungry.
You can do a wedding very cheaply. But you have to be aware of how long people will be there for, and therefore how much food and drink the average person will eat. And you have to remember that some people eat a lot.

''No you don't need to have a 3 course meal. I have been to brilliant very budget weddings.''

I am talking about traditional all day weddings at a hotel-these can last 12-15 hours so yes ofcourse you need a 3 course meal. Buffets are only appropriate at a night time due [from 8pm-2] or with a very limited number of guests. For an all day service with 25 plus guests then no a buffet is never enough as it simply cannot cater for such high numbers who are hungry. Buffets work in weddings in the evening after the guests have eaten a full mean as a snack but usually fail for their main course. When people take the time, effort and money to go to your wedding it is an expectation that you will be fed. To not is simply bad manners.
If you don't agree then by all means go back and read the threads-plenty of evidence there.

I’m Indian, go to 3 or 4 Indian weddings a year (and have since I was 13). I have never, ever known an Indian buffet to run out of food before the last table is called. If that happened it would turn the bride and groom’s family name to mud.

The issue is that so many want to still have these painfully long weddings but cannot afford them with enough food for guests or they cannot afford to feed the guests and have all the fancy trimmings they want.

I've been to so many weddings I've lost count (my mother has 68 first cousins and my father has 57, plus 5 siblings), and it's possible to have a lovely wedding in all sorts of ways and have plenty of food.

As Seneca points out, I've been to weddings where the whole thing is church and then 'cake and punch' reception after in the church hall (most commonly it's because of the couple's religious beliefs but also due to budgeting constraints) or ceremony+afternoon tea and that's it, BBQ's, even potlucks, but the common denominator is there's enough food and if you're going to put on 15-hour affair it goes to follow that most people, orthorexics excepted, are going to get hungry more than once in that time, especially if they are drinking.

Yes I have been to Indian weddings and there is so much food. I went to an enormous wedding where it only lasted about 3 hours, but we were all fed an enormous sit down meal.