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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think these wedding arrangements are stingy?

349 replies

Balloon65 · 25/05/2018 23:20

Going to a wedding in July where there isn’t going to be any food put on in the evening, despite it being a big wedding and an extra 70 evening guests joining the party. I thought that was quite bad, but on top of that the wedding breakfast which was billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake. I don’t know whether the tables will be called up one by one to get their food or if there’ll be 100+ people queuing at the same time.

AIBU to think this is a weird arrangement and guests will be starving?

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 26/05/2018 20:16

I went to a similar wedding. We ended up asking the venue if we could order in a take away. some people went to the chippy and the local shop and got a load of rolls. The venue told us to designate one table to have food on and we took turns!

Tbh, it was a laugh.

sonjadog · 26/05/2018 20:20

If you don't feed people, that will be what they remember about your wedding. Not the beautiful service, flowers, dress, but that they were hungry and there was no food.

GeekyWombat · 26/05/2018 20:39

I'm more agog by the fact that you're going to a wedding in July and they've already told you two months early which table you're going to be on!

Bigfathairyones · 26/05/2018 20:45

I still remember a wedding we went to where there were 20 tables to be fed by buffet and by the time they got to our table (approx 11/20) there was no food left. The staff kept saying there was more coming.....approx 70 sausage rolls arrived and that was it. We left after an hour and got room service!

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 20:46

'I suspect they are more the type that think that eating more than a scone and a few sandwiches is piggy.'

Or they spent all the money on the fripperies and are the type of self-absorbed wankers that feel that the whole world should be so honoured to witness their love and that's more than enough of an honour. Hell, they're not even standing their guests a drink but expect money as gifts.

LoniceraJaponica · 26/05/2018 21:02

I love your post expat

MrsHathaway · 26/05/2018 21:04

If you don't feed people, that will be what they remember about your wedding. Not the beautiful service, flowers, dress, but that they were hungry and there was no food.

So true. In particular no guest cares about seat covers matching the napkins. They care about the NUMBER of seats, mind you.

Bearhunter09 · 26/05/2018 21:13

Very bad form. They should have had a small wedding with a few guests. Quite frankly I wouldn’t bother going. We had friends who did the afternoon tea thing as the main food the sausage bap’s in the night. Luckily I was close enough to nip home for some food

Bellabutterfly2016 · 26/05/2018 22:01

We went to a wedding like this about 3 years back, it was cringey
It was a work colleague of my partner and people were actually sending out for pizzas 🍕 and stuff to be delivered.

They had a 2pm wedding in church, afternoon tea which in the village hall which was literally about 2 triangle sandwiches per person, 2 little cakes and a scone then tea - all alcohol and soft drinks had to be purchased at the pop up bar and the afternoon tea was the only food so by 8-9pm people are hungry aren't they hence the takeaways being delivered.

The grooms mother went over to 1 table to say something which didn't go down well but our table just went to the pub down the road, ate and went back.

There was about 80 in the day and 50-60 at night. I think the idea has to be, if you can't afford to feed your guests then cut down on the numbers!

I'd hate to be remembered as the one who ran out of food at my wedding and had people ordering takeaway!! We went to another "night do" not so long back where they had a "burger van" in the carpark - again, cringey it was awful!

boilerhouse2007 · 26/05/2018 22:03

Youvegotafriendinme Did the couple say anything?If I discovered at my wedding ppl were resorting to going to get food as they were hungry I'd be mortified.

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 22:09

You're a better person than I am, Bella. I'd have left.

boilerhouse2007 · 26/05/2018 22:10

Bellabutterfly2016 ''They had a 2pm wedding in church, afternoon tea which in the village hall''
Sorry are you to say they had their reception in the village hall???

''''The grooms mother went over to 1 table to say something which didn't go down well but our table just went to the pub down the road, ate and went back.''

What did she say exactly and was their reaction angry or what?

Bellabutterfly2016 · 26/05/2018 22:14

Boiler house
Yes reception in village hall which to be fair was nicely decorated but my dp was starving after his tiny sandwiches and mini cakes - there was literally a 3 tiered cakestand for each table of 8 people! Last time I checked it was one of those between 2 people!!

We went as the guy has been very good to my partner but his mother went to a table saying how rude it was ordering a dominoes in and the man at the table replied he thought it was rude there wasn't any food when he'd driven over 100 miles to get there!!!

I rang the pub and booked a table and our group just went - we were gone for over 2 hours tho and the pub was full of their guests.

It was bad but nowhere near as bad as the burger van incident !

Jaxhog · 26/05/2018 22:17

Take your own bottle and a picnic. Or don't go.

boilerhouse2007 · 26/05/2018 22:21

Bellabutterfly2016

'' his mother went to a table saying how rude it was ordering a dominoes in and the man at the table replied he thought it was rude there wasn't any food when he'd driven over 100 miles to get there!!! ''

Omg-how awkward, did the mother just walk away or what?? While I see the guy's point, if it was me I'd still have the manners not to take the food into the venue.

Also if you are having your reception in the village hall it must be a cheap hire so I don't get why they wouldn't be generous with the food. Were the couple in a good job do you know? I am shocked by these posts of ppl stinging on food, any wedding i have ever being at is usually coming down with food and there are 3 course meals. If I was hungry i'd have to go and get fed.

MrsHathaway · 26/05/2018 22:31

Sometimes people canvass opinions on MN about wedding catering options and sometimes their proposal is, well, stingy. MNers will say so (with varying degrees of discretion) and there will always be someone saying "it's your day and your money".

If a cross section of MNers say they'd be hungry, chances are a cross section of your guests will be hungry. We must have been to thousands of weddings between us It isn't about the money exactly - you can spend the same overall but provide more quantity or at more appropriate intervals. Some food is expensive per calorie or for how long it fills you. Canapés are an activity, not a meal. A cone of chips delays drunkenness by at least an hour.

didsomeonesaybunny · 26/05/2018 22:34

Wowzers - some serious judgement going on in this thread. Perhaps this is all the couple can afford and would rather have everyone there to share their magical experience than not invite them because they can’t afford to feed the masses sausage rolls.

Take a snack, you’re hardly going to starve!

boilerhouse2007 · 26/05/2018 22:37

''Wowzers - some serious judgement going on in this thread. Perhaps this is all the couple can afford and would rather have everyone there to share their magical experience than not invite them because they can’t afford to feed the masses sausage rolls.

Take a snack, you’re hardly going to starve!''

And we have our moral high ground poster that has to make their appearance ...

Bellabutterfly2016 · 26/05/2018 22:38

Boilerhouse
Yes the mother of the groom just looked really offended and walked off and the table of guests ate their pizzas
They had kids with them too - I have a hungry 3 year old now I would do the same or go out for food - it's out of order not feeding guests you've invited and I don't understand why people don't cater properly.

If you can't afford it - don't bother!!!!!!

Village halls are cheap, I wasn't impressed with having to go out and buy food - we spent about £80 in the pub on food and wine. I'd bought a £50 gift voucher but still had it in my bag wrapped separately in like a gift box and I'd only folded the card over so I stuck a tenner in instead!! Sealed the envelope and gave them that! No way was I giving them £50 for John Lewis!!

It was Very very bad but we took my daughter to the night do burger van incident and she said "is there any sandwiches mummy"? And there was the dirtiest looking burger van you've ever seen parked up! No way were we eating off that!!!!

We arrived at 7 left at 8 (saying she was tired) - she'd had a nap earlier and her tea but the point was I'd told her that it was a party and we'd let her go because she loves disco's and it was a bit of a one-off!!

We're Looking at getting married next year and it'll be a case of, what's the budget and what can we do and if we can't do a good job we'll keep it really small for immediate family and afew friends.

On that note I'm off to bed! X

didsomeonesaybunny · 26/05/2018 22:48

The OP asked for opinions @boiler - I gave mine. I didn’t call out yours specifically, as you did mine, I simply gave an opinion that you didn’t agree with. This is a forum after all.

boilerhouse2007 · 26/05/2018 22:49

'' I don't understand why people don't cater properly.

If you can't afford it - don't bother!!!!!! ''

Agreed but it is just the way some ppl are-they are inherently stingy and it's all take take take and they have no shame. They are the type that go on nights out with little to no money and expect others to pay for them... I had an ex like this-so stingy it was embarrassing and thought nothing wrong of it-boasted about stealing coats in bars and keeping them or stealing drinks of people...very untrustworthy,stingy and proud of it. The irony is people like this do not see what they are doing and how bad it looks. They just are programmed to spend as little as they can get as much as they can.

boilerhouse2007 · 26/05/2018 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 22:54

Their experience isn't magical. It's two people getting married, didsomeone. And if that's how the couple feel, then why the 'give us money as a gift' request. They're obviously able to afford a nice venue as the OP states: 'big posh stately hall booked for the reception, photo booths, huge lit up letters etc., but no food on the night and a buffet for the wedding breakfast but also a table plan with enforced seats.' Style over substance.

''''MNers will say so (with varying degrees of discretion) and there will always be someone saying "it's your day and your money".'

Yeah, or the orthorexia crowd show up. 'OMG, that's plenty! I could live off that for a week!' 'That's got more carbs in it than I've ever had in my entire life, could you offer some more green salads?'

expatinscotland · 26/05/2018 22:57

' I'd bought a £50 gift voucher but still had it in my bag wrapped separately in like a gift box and I'd only folded the card over so I stuck a tenner in instead!! Sealed the envelope and gave them that! No way was I giving them £50 for John Lewis!! '

You are a star! Bravo! All too often people go to these shite weddings and then sheepishly still hand over a fat wodge of cash.

user1471499792 · 26/05/2018 23:02

I went to an Indian wedding a few years ago and it was a hot buffet. By the time our table was called other tables where going up for seconds and third and yes there was very little left for us. Luckily it finished at 10pm and we ordered food in the hotel. I mention it was an Indian wedding incase it’s a cultural thing (not wanting to appear racist). Other than that the wedding was ace

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