To think these wedding arrangements are stingy?

[Balloon65]

Going to a wedding in July where there isn’t going to be any food put on in the evening, despite it being a big wedding and an extra 70 evening guests joining the party. I thought that was quite bad, but on top of that the wedding breakfast which was billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake. I don’t know whether the tables will be called up one by one to get their food or if there’ll be 100+ people queuing at the same time.

AIBU to think this is a weird arrangement and guests will be starving?

I recently went to a wedding (12 noon)where the main wedding breakfast was a buffet style afternoon tea. There was enough food to feed the five thousand. Each table went up one at a time, no one missed out. Plates of cakes were placed on each table but there was so much food that they didn’t get eaten till early into the evening. You won’t know until you arrive, but you could be surprised. Afternoon tea doesn’t necessarily mean a curled up cucumber sandwich and a sausage roll followed by a fairly cake. It can cost as much as a hot meal. Why not ring the place where the reception is being held and enquire about their wedding packages. This may give you a better idea of what is being provided. Just in case you could put a few supplies in a bag in case you need them in the evening.
To address the present situation, asking for cash instead of gifts is more common now because a lot more people live together before their wedding and have household stuff already. Some use the money to do up a house, others towards a honeymoon. If you don’t want to give money, then don’t. It’s up to you. Giving money as a group can also be good as they don’t then know how much each person has given.

Anyone diabetic will probably carry something they can eat in their bag , but they really shouldn't have to, and dressy handbags rarely have room to carry insulin, tablets and food

YABU - their wedding, their choice. You don't have to go or if you do, you can decide how you'd like to feed yourself before, during or after.

YABU years ago people wouldn't expect to be wined and dined at a wedding but pleased to be invited in the couple's happines.

I have a massive family and my DH wanted all his family there as it's the only time they get together. So we did a hot buffet at 5 (wedding was at 2) with the cake as pudding. 10 tables, 2 buffet carts with plenty of food. There was food left over. We didn't do evening food but had snacks like crisps and nuts put out, the cake and a massive sweet table. We said on invites no evening food.

People were still generous with gifts but to be honest we would have just been happy to have them there.

I don't see why people should expect to get everything just cause someone got married. You should just be pleased for them

From a budget perspective the best wedding I attended was where the B&G got married with immediate family only in a simple service and then over 200 of us were invited to a reception in a local farmers field

We all took tents and camping gear. No pfaff about expensive clothes!

They laid on loads of gazebos for shelter adorned with pretty fairy lights (though the weather was great). There were hay bales to sit on and the family was musical so lots of people with guitars/violins all singing round campfires.

There was a pig roast will loads of "trimmings" and separate catered vegetarian and vegan BBQ set up.

Mobile bars provided drinks (all free) and very posh mobile toilets.

Honestly the atmosphere was great as was the food of which there was more than plenty to suit a diverse set of requirements.

They even had breakfast vans come in the morning serving bacon/sausage butties to everyone (and again with veggie/vegan alternatives).

I think they spent about £5k on it all....

I am in my mid fifties. You are wrong. When I was young people were fed at weddings. Hiring stately homes or posh venues was rare though. And there was nothing like photo booths and often no wedding favours either. There was always enough food though. Even if it was back at the in laws house, and egg and cheese sandwiches.

“YABU - their wedding, their choice. You don't have to go or if you do, you can decide how you'd like to feed yourself before, during or after.”

Indeed OP, why not take along a camping stove, supplies, plastic cutlery and plates. Think of it like a D of E Expedition but with heels.

Ah i went to a wedding many moons ago that was a buffet and we got nothing to eat being the last table up. Even all the wedding cake had gone. But in the evening the bar wasnt open so we couldnt even purchase a soft drink. I was absolutely parched for a glass of water.

And yes we all ended up in the pub!

expat and seneca yes yes and yes.
seneca i think we have been to some of the same weddings!on top of all that part of my family is sicilian and everyone brings a dish,dessert and or a bottle.no matter who caters.extras are given away with a piece of wedding cake at the end.places set aside for little ones and tired guests to nap. all day affairs.
sober drivers at the ready too.
and even waitstaff(if there is any) get offered treats.

how about the grooms cakes...have to say tho "steel magnolias" had the best ever.
the red velvet armadillo.

as for the topic.they know what they are doing to thier guests.i wouldnt go.if i have to bring food and booze may as well go somewhere i really like and avoid the stress..

“I don't see why people should expect to get everything just cause someone got married. You should just be pleased for them“
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I don’t think more than one meal in an entire day is really “expecting everything.” No one is suggesting the guests should be hand fed fine oysters and caviar for the entire day!

A cold sandwich lunch and literally nothing else provided ALL DAY does not scream of celebration, joy, wanting others to share in your happiness, it screams of thoughlessness and bad manners. The happy couple clearly aren’t short of money, otherwise they wouldn’t have booked a stately home for a venue, a photo booth and all the Instagram-friendly trimmings without a thought to how their guests will be downright uncomfortable. Commenting that “if people are hungry they can just go to the pub” shouts loud and clear that the bride isn’t that bothered about the guests actually being there to help them celebrate. I would have been gutted if my family and friends had left my wedding reception early. And potentially 100 people making an exodus to the pub at various intervals throughout the day would be chaos and make for a very crap party.

I would be embarrassed if someone came to my house and left hungry, having to make separate provisions for food, let alone my wedding! I would have rather cut back on other expenses like my dress or the flowers than expect my guests to skip a meal.

had a bluegrass/rock band on the roof next to the neighbors rose garden we were married in.

I don't see why people should expect to get everything just cause someone got married. You should just be pleased for them

I can be delighted for them. I don't expect feeding just because someone got married.

But actually yes I do expect to get fed if someone invites me to celebrate that marriage with them at a time which prevents me from eating meals elsewhere at normal times. Because that's completely customary.

''I don't see why people should expect to get everything just cause someone got married. You should just be pleased for them''

ppl are not looking for everything though-just to be fed properly. Not once did ppl here demand free drinks. I think if ppl are coming from miles then yes feed them well and the wedding you described worked because there was lots in the buffet. The big problem here in this thread is that the buffet food runs out and guests are left hungry-that is unacceptable.

I’ve been to a wedding that sounds almost identical to this .Its stingey Yanbu .

I seriously cannot believe you are fussing about sandwiches for a do in July! Have you got nothing else to worry about?

'Call me old fashioned but I think weddings should be about celebrating love and commitment to each other, not how much food or drink you get.'

Well, if you want to get that old-fashioned then why did Jesus turn water into wine at a wedding feast, to spare the hosts' embarrassment, at the wine running out for guests.

My daughter is having afternoon tea as her wedding meal. There's sandwiches, cakes and scones from a very posh caterer, all served at the table, she's also having a vintage ice cream van while the photographs are being done. Then an evening hot buffet.

Weddings are transactional, and anyone saying otherwise is talking shit.

No way would I attend this. I always give generously at weddings, in return for a good meal and general knees up. Is that not the unspoken trade off?

Being half Greek I am used to an abundance of food at weddings. The OP’s scenario is in part cultural. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t attend, let alone subject myself to such a day.

Leave them to it I say.

a whole lot of food and in particular the wedding cake were a traditional fertility and abundance ritual.goes way back before christianity too.
we have an ice cream truck that comes to many of ours as well.everyone loves it.and she brings balloons for the children.
we bring her cake!

YABU years ago people wouldn't expect to be wined and dined at a wedding

I remember being a bridesmaid at several weddings during the 60s, as well as a guest at weddings through the decades after that. I have NEVER been to a wedding where food was not provided.

So, how many years ago are you talking about? During the war years? Before that?

Steel Magnolias: now that's a wedding reception. And yes the groom's cake is my favorite part.

You only do Armadillos?

No, I can do anything. Except snakes, I don't have the counter space.

YABU years ago people wouldn't expect to be wined and dined at a wedding

Rubbish. For my parents' generation, it would be mortifying to host an event where there wasn't more than enough food to feed everyone.

Yes but that was back in the days when people catered for themselves. These days, few people would do that and many venues just wouldn't allow it.

It gets very expensive, very quickly

I’ve been to a few weddings where not nearly enough food was served and it’s the main thing I remember about them- not the flowers, or the venue or the cutesy phrases on the signs. Just the feeling of hunger. I’m getting married in a few months, local to most guests, 3pm start, nice buffet and drinks available straight after the ceremony, 5pm sit down for hog roast and BBQ to be served to your table, buffet table desserts, catered evening buffet being served at 7:30/8pm, all booze, teas, coffees, water and soft drinks paid for with a mix of help yourself and servers making them. It’s been my main concern and we have scrimped on other parts of the day to ensure that the guests will be well fed and watered. I’d be mortified if my wedding was remembered as one where the guests were starving!

senecahave seen and helped create some great ones.auntie was a famous cake baker/designer in 70's.my fav of hers was a castle with a pond and a bridge with spun sugar swans and wedding party on the bridge.she was an artist.
she loved that scene too.
she also did these great ones for girls with dolls(barbie type) and the cake was the gown.going to a fishing camp one next month.fish fry and shrimp pilaf and all that good stuff.catching and freezing fish for the last week.bass,cat and mullet.
friend just brought by the biggest cat i have ever seen.he tickles them out of the caves.got to get someone to do the hush puppies.
got enough on my plate so to speak.