To think these wedding arrangements are stingy?

[Balloon65]

Going to a wedding in July where there isn’t going to be any food put on in the evening, despite it being a big wedding and an extra 70 evening guests joining the party. I thought that was quite bad, but on top of that the wedding breakfast which was billed as an afternoon tea has turned about to be a buffet at the side of sandwiches, scones and cake. I don’t know whether the tables will be called up one by one to get their food or if there’ll be 100+ people queuing at the same time.

AIBU to think this is a weird arrangement and guests will be starving?

I remember planning ours. All the forums suggested that you only cater for 70% of guests at a buffet as people don't eat much We had a buffet that opened pretty much as soon as the reception started and continued until home time. The initial sandwiches etc were set up by caterers and then we bought pizzas, goujons, sausage rolls, salad bags etc from the cash and carry and used the function room kitchen to heat things as needed. Family and friends were fine with helping so I wasn't cooking in my wedding dress. People ate loads and no one was hungry. I went to a wedding where the food was billed (informally not on the invitation!) as an epic banquet. It ended up being a hog roast with no vegetarian option. Worse the small amount of food was given out silver service to make sure it went round. My epic banquet ended up being a coleslaw sandwich with a few lettuce leaves and a couple of cherry tomatoes. There was no evening food at all as everyone would be full from earlier apparently and no takeaways or pubs as it was in the middle of nowhere. I would always feed guests even if it meant reducing other costs or having budget food (not necessarily awful if well chosen, I went to a brilliant do with chilli or casserole in a big pot with rice and garlic bread to go with it. It was inexpensive and filling).

If you don't feed people, that will be what they remember about your wedding. Not the beautiful service, flowers, dress, but that they were hungry and there was no food

This. I’ve probbaly been to about 100 weddings as a guest and TBH they are pretty much the same. All the brides bar 4 wore a long white / ivory dress.

I don’t recall what any of the grooms or bridesmaids wore.

Or what the vicar / priest / celebrant said.

Or a single thing about the flowers, decoration, themes, seat covers, favours.

What I remember IN GREAT DETAIL are the ones where ;

• large parts of the day were outside but guests weren’t told so most of the women were cold and / or couldn’t walk in their shoes

• we had to wait about for hours while photos were taken

• not enough seats

• there wasn’t enough to eat or drink

• there was nothing for me to eat ( I’m gluten free ) so I was starving. Once I nearly fainted ( was pg).

• the speeches went on for hours

• the music in the evening was so loud no one could talk and there was nowhere to escape

the food was afternoon tea

I am in a tiny minority but I don't like cakes, sweets and biscuits much. I hate afternoon tea as there are never enough sandwiches!

I am amazed at the advice to only cater for 70% of people at a buffet.
I can see this being true of people have had a large 3 course meal and the buffet is for the evening. But not if it is the main source of food.

Oh and a special mention for the wedding which ran two hours late. We arrived at 7:00 as evening guests and were shown into the back of the room where the speeches were taking place after the meal. We all stood there while the speeches went on for ANOTHER HOUR.

The best mans speech had a full AV presentation including photos and video clips of the band that he and the groom played in. Along with many in jokes which no one got or blue jokes completely unsuitable for the audience.

The father of the bride made an hugely emotional speech about how much he loved his daughter, how proud he was. Fine except he had buggered off when she was a toddler leaving her mother to bring her up alone, put her through college etc ( she was American so very expensive ). Basically been a waste of space as a father ( but it didn’t stop him trying to make it all about him ).

He didn’t seem to notice that the half of the audience who knew the back story were sitting frozen faced.

When the speeches ended, we were told to leave and stand outside the building while the room was cleared and the band set up. The band set up and then immediately went for their 30 min break, because they had been booked from hours ago.

There were not enough seat for everyone, no food for the evening guests ( because the hot meal had just finished and the catering staff were only hired to a certain time ) and one small drink each .

I would pop out at dinner time and go for something to eat and I would be telling them were I was going.

You will need to take supplies and also possibly a trip to the pub.

Have been to several under catered parties/weddings, it's a miserable experience. I remember one wedding of a very good friend who's wedding breakfast ran late (so late that the evening guests were sat waiting to come in for over an hour). We had been due to eat at 3 (having had to travel to get there and had breakfast at 10) but didn't eat until 530 in the end. I was so hungry that I ended up with crippling stomach pain (I have suffered like this when going past hungry since childhood). In the end I managed until about 8pm and had to go home to bed.

I think some people are just stingy and others just don't get that hungry so don't understand.

I'll never forget the bbq we were invited to which was due to go on all afternoon...and when we arrived they'd just decided not to do one. I burst out laughing. I thought it was a joke. It was not. There were a lot of miserable guests.

To me as a Scandinavian the idea of catering for 100 wedding guests and leaving everybody happy and well fed would seem totally doable, but that is because buffets are a long-standing cultural tradition and we are, quite honestly, bloody good at them. It would look good and it would be beautifully laid out.

Also, people probably tend to drink less at weddings so less risk of trouble that way.

Now yearning for the stalwarts of Swedish buffet celebrations: smörgåstårta, Jansons frestelse, Skagenröra. Sob.

Don't go if you can possibly opt out.

We're having our son's high school graduation party in a few weeks at a nice restaurant and we're putting on a three course meal. Not feeding people at a wedding reception is cheeky as hell.

''I disagree that buffets do not work for a party size larger than 25. We had a hot buffet at our wedding around 6pm which was 15 years ago. We had two buffet tables serving identical food and guests were called up by table number. The food covered a range of meats, fish, rice, pasta salad. Many guests went up two or three times as the caterer provided enough for people to indulge.''

Yes but in the overwhelming amount of cases you see from here and from hearing reports from friends buffets often fail. Really is better to give every guest a sit down 3 course meal-ensures every person gets fed equally. If you cannot afford it then simply don't invite many and have a night time party with no presents or expectations of food. Simple.

I'm still gobsmacked by this. I just find it staggering that you're invited to an event and told by the hosts 'oh if you want to eat, there's a pub next door'. How in the world is that acceptable?

OP as another PP suggested, I would book a table with the pub next door and when doing so you might warn them of a potential deluge of hungry customers that night.

I think what the majority of pp are saying holds true for every sort of function or event - weddings, funeral wakes, work conferences etc.

If people are hungry, or thirsty or need the loo that is all that will be on their mind and all they remember. Doesn't matter how lovely any speeches, photo booths or anything else are, it was always be the wedding where 'we got two sandwich triangles over the course of 11 hours'.

If you want people to spend time with you, travel, buy and outfit and possibly also a gift, then you need to treat them as guests and not prioritise fancy unnecessary add ons. It's basic manners. I'd have been mortified if any of my wedding guests had gone hungry.

I was at a wake yesterday. Buffet and free bar. Plenty of food for everyone.

Nonsense about buffets only being good for small
parties. It's not about how many people there are, it's about having enough food to meet demand. I've attended a big wedding with a buffet instead of a formal meal and their was loads food for everyone to enjoy. Ultimately, regardless of how food is served, there just needs to be enough of it. Having a bunch of hangry guests at your wedding is not going to go down well.

It's not about how many people there are, it's about having enough food to meet demand.

In equal measure is making sure the venue has someone is looking after the buffet and keeping the food topped up as soon as it runs low.

😂😂😂😉

I'm going to a family next month..we're having lunch and then there's hog roast in the evening (I wont be attending that as i have to travel from kent back to London by train)..no buffet which I thought was odd...so I'm taking something to eat!

Big part of a celebration is food and more food, otherwise go have a quiet wedding and save guests the hunger pains and money they’d have spent on a gift and outfits.

I'd be going somewhere for a full on cooked breakfast before the wedding started.

I agree that’s poor - I would say food, drink and music are the most important things at weddings - hungry people don’t enjoy themselves, or end up hideously drunk.

I went to a wedding once where the guests had to arrive for 11.30 for a 12pm ceremomy, then we didn’t eat until 5.30 AFTER the speeches!. I didn’t hear the groom’s speech as I was imagining roast dinners and bacon sarnies and rich pasta. It was like that scene from Oliver..

Call me old fashioned but I think weddings should be about celebrating love and commitment to each other, not how much food or drink you get.

Maybe for the immediate family of the B&G. For others it's a day out with food n drink, an excuse to buy a new outfit and to catch up n gossip with old friends etc. It can also costs a lot of money for a family to attend a wedding. Outfits, travel, presents, beer money etc so the least they B&G can do is feed their guests.

"They can go to the pub if they are hungry"

I'm sorry but I hate weddings where the money is funnelled on attire/flowers/venue and huge guest numbers but you can't be gracious enough to feed people.

If the food budget is an issue, invite less people, but don't expect people to put themselves out to attend your day when you can't even lay on sufficient provisions. It's incredibly rude imho and usually accompanied by some secret arrangement where the bridal party have made separate eating arrangements- leaving their guests starving.

Yes - their wedding their choice and all but it makes you look very ungracious as a host and if that's the take away you want guests to have from your big day, knock yourself out.

Personally OP I just wouldn't go.

Agreed cushioncovers, it also can be a 10-12 hour day and people need to be adequately fed and watered to keep going for the whole thing.