His children and ex wife let themselves in the house

[Idoidoido]

AIBU to be thoroughly pissed off?

I’ve been in a relationship for just under a year. He was married 20 years with 4 DCs and divorced 5 years before we got together.

His DC’s are grown up, 2 are married and 2 are at university.

He is still close to his ex wife in a mother of his children way, but the relationship is purely platonic.

We are very happy together and are talking about marriage. But I have a huge bug bear which is that his children have zero boundaries. On my birthday for example, we were having an intimate and romantic evening when we were interrupted by his dd walking in, having let herself into the house. Then another time, I was coming out of the shower wrapped in just a towel when I came face to face with his ex wife and 2 DCs who has “popped round” to borrow the BBQ.

He is mortified each time and has told them that they need to respect his, and now our, home. His ex wife is, to be fair, has been respectful of this. But one of his DCs still carries on regardless.

Short of taking the key off her, it feels like nothing will change.

WWYD?

Your welcome, I am shocked at some of the vitriol you are getting on here from a few over dramatic Mumsnetters, mabey its a bit close to home for some. I totally agree with you, and I just don't get it. I would totally dislike my adult children to just walk into my house when they want, it is my private space, I could be having a nude afternoon, or having a soak in the bath, or be on the loo with the door wide open. It is about respect, courtesy and boundaries, it seems some on here have none.

Yabu sorry. They are his children. They should be allowed to come and go without asking.

Not the ex though.

oh my god Wollyou, are you serious! Whatever happened to respect and boundaries. In case you have not read the op posts, her partner is not happy with this either, and it needs to stop. Why should they be allowed to come an go as they please just because they are his children. Its not a free for all. Would you be comfortable if your mum or mil, let themselves into your home regularly without asking then! I bet you would not.

YOu hope that when you have kids they fly the nest and become independent, and you can get your home back once more, and to have some privacy and time for yourself, that you can't have with young kids, you don't expect it to continue into adulthood as well, lordy be. Op has said that they are welcome when they want, but just to let them know, how difficult is that! Well it seems for some it is, mabey they lack boundaries and respect themselves.

I too have been shocked by some of the vitriol towards the OP. It seems that divorced parents aren't allowed to find love again and that second spouses will be persona non grata for a considerable while. Can adult children not be happy for the parent?

Or that parents of adult children living elsewhere should allow their children to come and go through their home as they please without letting them know or asking if it is ok.

It would never occur to me to just let myself into someone else's home; when I've visited my DM, the door is always unlocked and there's no bell, so I open the door and call out to her. I never go there without there being a private arrangement. It's the same when we visit my MIL or DSis and her family.

It's called manners, you don't know whether they're in the bathroom or having a rest.

I'm amazed at the number of posters who say they allow their adult children just to come in.

How old are you, OP?
And are you planning DC of your own?

I’m 30 and my parents live in a house that I didn’t grow up in. They would never expect me to knock.

Well Bugger, different strokes for different folks! A lot would prefer you to knock.