To think this woman is using stress leave for chilling out?

[Skylight23]

Not a friend, I know her quite well because her DS and mine have been friends for a long time. She is a doctor with NHS and her DH has a city job.
She has been on and off on stress leave for a few weeks. Her younger DS is doing 11plus this year and her brother’s family is visiting them for 2weeks (from USA). She told me the other day that she is struggling to manage everything and she might go to the GP and cry to get some time off. She has been shopping, spending time with her brother’s family. Also hot housing the younger one with tutors. She can’t take him to this particular tutor if she works (tuition 4pm to 6pm). So much for being stressed! She isn’t stressed. She just has soo many other things that she wants to do, that work is coming in the way! I won’t be surprised if she gets stressed again in August (school holidays, summer days on the beach, 11plus, childcare costs). She always hated the fact that she has to work (in debt to eyeballs). She gets really pissed about her DH not making enough for the lifestyle they want. Makes jealous comments about SAHMs at school.

AIBU to want to report her? I must admit I’m jealous. I too wanted time off when DS was doing 11plus, I too wanted paid time off when my family visited (without having to use my holiday entitlement), I too want time to generally chill out. But my conscience won’t permit this “crying at the GP” thing.

You do realise that being stressed is different to suffering from stress? Like the difference between being depressed and suffering from depression? One is a fleeting part of every day life and the other can effect your ability to work etc. How do you know which she has? You don't get signed off sick for feeling a bit stressed one day.

Don't be nasty.

You have obviously never had a stress induced break in your mental health.

When my Mother was dying I had to have time off work. I was capable of going out and about, meeting friends for dinner etc but was still spending vast amounts of time at home crying and feeling overwhelmed. I couldn't cope with my normal job as a HCP which involves making lots of decisions and communicating with vulnerable people.

Getting out and about is good for people with mental health problems and it is nasty posts like you that deter people from doing what is good for them. When I was ill my friends had to come round to force me out of my flat as I was really paranoid that someone would see me out, especially in somewhere like a restaurant or art gallery, and report me to work....

Possibly with good reason judging by this post.

MN is so mean, can't believe the way you are speaking to OP. Horrendous people.

You don't get signed off sick for feeling a bit stressed one day.
If you know how to play the system you can, that's the problem.

Of course people play the system on stress leave. They do it because it is impossible to prove whether or not they actually have it.

OP is justified in her concerns.

I get what you're saying - you don't have to say much to the GP to get signed off for 2 weeks for stress FFS. And being a doctor herself, she'd know what to say. OP may not know the entire story but I can at least appreciate that it must be galling to watch someone (apparently) play the system to get paid leave just to sort stuff out during a busy fortnight.

She’s a NHS doctor, of course she is stressed.

How about:

She is an NHS doctor. Of course she knows what symptoms to give to fake stress.

Chilling out is exactly what she needs to be doing. What do you think she should be doing? Lying in a darkened room sobbing?

DH is off with stress. it is work-related. If he is away from work the cause of the stress is removed. That's the point of it

She is a doctor, if she is stressed out she shouldn't be at work because being distracted and stressed could lead to a mistake that would affect someone's life. She sounds over worked and overcommitted, she may be trying to cover up embarrassment or shame at having to go off sick with stress. Believe me she won't be getting an easy ride with this because her manager will be on her case about her sick leave and she will be attending reviews over it. She will have a caseload at work and it's probably huge, with that and life becoming chaotic for her it's no surprise that she is stressed. I work for the NHS and it's very stressful, I had to go off sick with work related stress for 6 months - I had a breakdown. Often people who are being overwhelmed by everything do take short periods off work because they are trying to sort stuff out, they do eventually snap and end up off for a longer period.

Ultimately you are only looking in to her life from the outside and you do not know what is going on behind closed doors. Instead of being judgemental about her situation why not be a friend and offer to help with something. She needs your support not your frankly bitchy judgement. Who are you to decide that she is taking sick leave as holiday? Are you a Dr, have you had access to the private conversation she had with her Dr? I would think there is a lot she isn't telling you and you have absolutely no right at all to report her, that would be a very nasty thing to do.

If you can't be supportive then stay away because she doesn't need a nasty friend trying to trip her up.

People like you, OP, are part of the problem.

I mean this absolutely literally.

when you have MH health issues and you are struggling with: job, children, finances, social and family stuff; and you feel like something has to give and you just can't see what because NONE of this can be dropped, nothing; and you think: I'm shit, I'm a failure, this is just life, I should be able to make it work; YOU are one of the people that will make that person feel worse, less likely to seek help, more likely to suffer long term consequences on themselves and their family.

If she takes leave for stress it will go on her sickness record, if she is off sick a lot her ability to perform may be reviewed by her employer and will at some point get a point where they ask her if she is in the right job. Stress is not a disability so they'd be within their rights to do this. But whatever her actions it is none of your business OP and you seem not to understand that taking time off work ill (with stress or any other illness) does not come without some kind of monitoring and review.

Why are you going to be so stressed about your sons exams, are you taking them?

This thread is pointless.

No-one on here is in a position to know whether this person is genuinely ill or faking it.

OP it's obvious you don't believe her but I don't understand what you are hoping to get from posting here.

Just wow. OP. Butt out. It is none of your bloody business. By your own admission, she is not a friend, so you know nothing about her life except the small snippets of it you see. The reasons why this woman has been signed off with stress are for her, her GP and her employer only. They are naff all to do with you. If her GP has signed her off, whether you think it’s fair or not is neither here nor there - she has been medically signed off. That’s all her employer need.

And so what if she’s chilling out. That’s the best thing she can do for stress.

this is none of your business OP. Keep your nose out! you have no idea of what is going on with this woman's life and your post is very offensive to anyone who is going through/has gone through the horror of being stressed.

why is everyone ignoring the bit where the lady candidly said 'i've got too much to do, i might go to the gp and cry a bit to get time off'. sounds calculating to me, but no doubt MN will say that it is her bravado way of hiding her true distress.

no-one I think has suggested that those who are truly stressed shouldn't seek treatment. OP is suggesting that this woman has candidly planned to play the system. If the lady were truly stressed and facing her troubles by talking to the GP etc, I would expect her family to notice her being off work and then for her to say, 'yes, its all getting on top of me, in view of which let's have a less busy time while you're staying with us'. I think it's a bit convenient to say that the only ball she can possibly drop is work.

Finally, someone who has actually read the OP and not just gone off on a cruel, negative rant. OP is going off what she has been told by this lady

If she's a doctor with the NHS, she's probably (as a GP ?) on 100K a year, couple that with the DH City job, £££££££ , and one would think she wouldn't be complaining of lack of income to fund a desired lifestyle. Also, people diagnosed with stress are positively encouraged to get out and about, indulge yourself, make time for things that you weren't there for in the past due to work stress i.e. supporting the kids/exams, and holidays/breaks are encouraged as they can be "me" time, which often gets pushed to the bottom of the "to do" list.....but I could be talking bollocks, hopefully not ,OP...

Surely she could have said that about going to the GP to test the waters? Because she felt bad about going to the GP and missing work?

I don't know, but neither does anyone else.

what the OP has beeb told is that this woman said she MIGHT go to the gp and cry, She doesn't even say that she is off work at this point in time

You sound like my last boss, who snapped at me "It's only skin cancer, I don't know why you're so upset" when I told her that I'd been diagnosed with malignant melanoma.

@Mrschadenfreude
Fucking hell!
Hope you’re doing Ok

I have read all this and my only useless comment is that maybe this explains why I cannot get on with the actuaries in my office ....

You cannot be that stressed and busy if you can take so much time to argue with strangers on the internet!

YABVU to think you know are more knowledgable about this woman's mental health than her doctor.