To think this woman is using stress leave for chilling out?

[Skylight23]

Not a friend, I know her quite well because her DS and mine have been friends for a long time. She is a doctor with NHS and her DH has a city job.
She has been on and off on stress leave for a few weeks. Her younger DS is doing 11plus this year and her brother’s family is visiting them for 2weeks (from USA). She told me the other day that she is struggling to manage everything and she might go to the GP and cry to get some time off. She has been shopping, spending time with her brother’s family. Also hot housing the younger one with tutors. She can’t take him to this particular tutor if she works (tuition 4pm to 6pm). So much for being stressed! She isn’t stressed. She just has soo many other things that she wants to do, that work is coming in the way! I won’t be surprised if she gets stressed again in August (school holidays, summer days on the beach, 11plus, childcare costs). She always hated the fact that she has to work (in debt to eyeballs). She gets really pissed about her DH not making enough for the lifestyle they want. Makes jealous comments about SAHMs at school.

AIBU to want to report her? I must admit I’m jealous. I too wanted time off when DS was doing 11plus, I too wanted paid time off when my family visited (without having to use my holiday entitlement), I too want time to generally chill out. But my conscience won’t permit this “crying at the GP” thing.

GPs go to GPs when they aren’t feeling good.

Who knew? 🤷🏻‍♀️

My friend is off sick with stress. They have been specifically instructed to: visit family and friends, go for walks, do DIY, go shopping (not possible for the first 4 weeks because they couldn’t leave the house).

They made jokes about the doctors prior to going off. We all do at my work because the entire workforce lives on the edge of a breakdown- it’s just question of who loses that battle when.

I had a friend work with someone like this once. Girl at her work suddenly went off on stress leave and then eventually changed jobs never came back. While on stress leave loads of Facebook posts out and about, sunbathing etc. Had moaned for ages about work and all seemed too convenient!

I've been signed off with stress from uni because I was so stressed my physical health deteriorated to the point of going to A+E. Doctor put me under strict orders to relax, take time out and only do things I enjoy - eg video games, baking, and relaxing. Don't be so fucking patronising.

Turned out she'd had a stroke 2 years before and friend had no knowledge of that. She did get very tired and stressed by things other may see as normal work. Stop judging.

Aren't GPs self employed? So would only get stat sick pay anyway?

She helps to save lives. What do you do? If she's stressed the impact that could have on her patients could be huge. You're very judgy and not particularly nice.

I'm a HCP in primary care. I've been there 18 years with hardly a sick day to my name. But I'm leaving because I can't cope anymore with the demands and admin and policies etc.. .And no time to listen to pts problems, bereavement, loneliness.
Result? You'd never know it, but when I get home, I struggle to find the motivation to put a wash on, put the bins out, summon up the energy to put food on the table for my family. I have no appetite, cannot look forward to anything other than with a sense of doom. I do not sleep. I cry all the time.
But who would know?
Do you know OP , that doctors have amongst the highest suicide rate. I have lost 3 of my colleagues to suicide.
Would I tell you how I was feeling? God, no.
Judgement fuels stigma around all this.
I would, if I was you, go away and try and learn some kindness ( and put away your smug work ethic).

I've been told we are in an extraordinary situation, after decades of stress. I get told by HCP specifically:

1. Take 2 weeks off and have complete rest
2. By next week, I must have arranged to do one thing I enjoy, building upto three things a week
3. Not to take on any more people's problems
4. Put boundaries on the distress I take from relatives
5. Be kind to myself

How on earth do you know what professional advice she has been given, as there is still stigma around mental illness - people do not go round, shouting it from the rooftops?

Grammar.
I completely believe you. Being a HCP must be a full on role. Wishing you all the best. You are appreciated x

Just because you would cope differently to certain situations doesn’t mean she is. You’ve said yourself she isn’t a friend so who are you to determine that she isn’t stressed enough for leave? Do you know every single tiny detail of her life? You sound bitter and jealous. Surely it’s better that she takes leave before it gets to the point where she has a full blown mental breakdown? Do you Have any idea how stressful it must be to work as a dr in the nhs? If she’s feeling like crap herself how can she possibly treat other ill people. One wrong diagnosis because her head isn’t in the right place could cost her her career or somebody their life. Grow up.

Woman off work for stress, chills out isn't that what she should be doing.

Envy is a sin you know.

Oh, and speaking as someone who has been off work with stress; fuck you.

How lovely of you 'Mama', you have no idea how your post has made me feel.
X

No wonder the NHS is on its knees and there's a supposed mental heath epidemic if 90% of Mumsnet think a busy family life and social calendar entitles paid stress leave.... OP I'm with you, this woman is a CF by your description

Cheeseislife Mental health is rife though. It’s harder to cope with things when they get on top of you and there is no outlet for that. Not enough funds to properly give the right care and medication in many people leads to its own problems. Being stressed with everyday life is not handled well by some people, why should they be ashamed of that? People are expected to be social when not many deal with that well. Especially when you work as a gp etc you have to put on a front. No one wants help from someone who is struggling themselves, or at least it’s percieved that way. People are working stressful jobs for shit money of course that will lead to stress and in such a role taking leave is much safer. How dare you say that much mental health is bullshit. Well done for coping, I’m sure you are enjoying looking down on those who don’t. With regards to the nhs being on its knees, I’m sure there is more to it than sick leave due to stress.

Quack this woman is strugging with having family visit while she has to work, and being unable to get her son to tuition because she has to be at work - that's not stress, that's inconvenience.

I do recognise genuine stress and respect it, I also recognise when people are taking the piss. Are you implying a gp is on shit money by the way, I may have misinterpreted? I always thought they were 70k-ish jobs, bit different from a family on nmw struggling to make ends meet.

No stress is not down to choices we make.
How dare you imply that.
Do you really think people enjoy and choose to be stressed.
Life doesn't always give you choices. It often bites you on the arse good and proper

Oh I'm not having a pop at you for feeling jealous, btw. Neither I nor anyone on this thread has the right to dictate your feelings. Plus You've already held your hands up to that.

Recently I have been off with stress.

Turns out until my body 'said no' and I very literally could not get out of bed for several weeks. I wasn't aware of how perpetual a state of 'flight or fight' I was in. I was completely ignorant to how insidious stress is and how it actually harms the physical body. Is not just a 'I'm feeling so stressed' moment it is a wearing down of physiological systems within the body that can have serious and long term detrimental effects if action to combat it is not taken.

People tend to present the face they want you to see. Just because she has TOLD you xyz doesn't mean there isn't more going on in her private life.

AIBU to want to report her? I must admit I’m jealous

OP you're pathetic. If you hate your life do something about it don't try and ruin someone else's life.

No stress is not down to choices we make.
How dare you imply that.
Do you really think people enjoy and choose to be stressed.
Stress can actually be due to the choices we make. It doesn't mean that you actively want to be stressed, it just means that either you consider the stress worth enduring for whatever causes it (e.g. weddings, house moves) or you have to pick an option but all options have some sort of stress involved.
I'm doing something at the moment (as in over a period of weeks) and it's causing me massive anxiety. But I've chosen to do it (I'm come very close to cancelling) and hence I'm effectively choosing to be anxious. Unfortunately being autistic for me a lot of things cause anxiety. I have to decide what to do based on how much anxiety I can tolerate.
Reading some of the responses on here I can see why many posters are saying they're stressed. So much hate and venom towards an anonymous stranger on the internet will do that to you.

Also OP being a dr is a VERY stressful job, much more stressful that whatever it is you do I am sure.

OP I think you are getting an unfairly hard time. As an HCP paid by the NHS myself, I am fully aware of the sickness absence policy and have seen time and time again OH recommendations to return to work being over-ridden by a "sick-note" from a compliant GP who has 10 minutes to assess a patient's state of mind - some even shop around and will try a different GP if the first one fails to produce the required note. The issue of poor absence management in the NHS is huge and acknowledged openly as a "perk" by those who see it as extra leave. Managing somebody out of a role is seen as just too difficult by many senior managers as they are terrified of litigation. Meanwhile we are all paying the price for this, which doesn't seem to bother most of the posters I have read here.