To think this woman is using stress leave for chilling out?

[Skylight23]

Not a friend, I know her quite well because her DS and mine have been friends for a long time. She is a doctor with NHS and her DH has a city job.
She has been on and off on stress leave for a few weeks. Her younger DS is doing 11plus this year and her brother’s family is visiting them for 2weeks (from USA). She told me the other day that she is struggling to manage everything and she might go to the GP and cry to get some time off. She has been shopping, spending time with her brother’s family. Also hot housing the younger one with tutors. She can’t take him to this particular tutor if she works (tuition 4pm to 6pm). So much for being stressed! She isn’t stressed. She just has soo many other things that she wants to do, that work is coming in the way! I won’t be surprised if she gets stressed again in August (school holidays, summer days on the beach, 11plus, childcare costs). She always hated the fact that she has to work (in debt to eyeballs). She gets really pissed about her DH not making enough for the lifestyle they want. Makes jealous comments about SAHMs at school.

AIBU to want to report her? I must admit I’m jealous. I too wanted time off when DS was doing 11plus, I too wanted paid time off when my family visited (without having to use my holiday entitlement), I too want time to generally chill out. But my conscience won’t permit this “crying at the GP” thing.

This is very funny

Of course she's using stress leave for chilling out. By definition

She may be depressed and on the verge of a mental health crisis. How would you know?

How very lucky you are to not understand this

I’d love to hear the complaint though. “Hi, yes, I kind of know a woman. Her actual Dr said she’s stressed and her work gave her time off to deal with it. I just don’t think she’s stressed... no, she’s not my friend... no, not family... no, I don’t know her that well but I just think I know better than her Dr...”

Maybe she’s been diagnosed with cancer. Maybe her mother just died. Maybe you’re just a jerk.

She may have self inflicted stress due to lifestyle choice but she may also have other private forms of stress eg. Medical which she chooses not to share with you. She may be using the lifestyle choice stress as a cover for the primary stress. I know I do, most of my friends don't know that I have a medical condition because I've kept it private. It doesn't affect me too much on a daily basis but it's a long term condition.

You don't know what's going on in her life, only what she chooses to share with you. Stop being so bitter and twisted.

If I’m a GP, I know exactly what to say to get signed off work? Of course the doctor will sign me off!
Even after all the rude /abusive replies here, I refuse to be intimidated. She is using stress leave for her lifestyle choices. If that’s considered fair, I should change my thinking and plan my life too accordingly. It’s not like addictions etc. she had complete control over having her brother over or her sons exams. She knows her job well. She took on the stress knowing very well she can’t manage it. She knew the job can wait because she knows what exactly she needs to tell the GP to get signed off

And who would you 'report her to? i think you need to get your jealousy under control. My mum used to say 'Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides'

"abusive", "intimidating"

Give over

There isn't a separate allocation for stress leave like an additional holiday allowance. She will be on sick leave due to stress, and have to have a note from her GP. Whether it is "real" or not, she will eventually go on to half pay then nil pay if she is off long enough. She also risks triggering her employers sickness absence policy and ultimately could loose her job. You cannot report her to NHS counter fraud for doing those type of activities, if she was getting pain to work somewhere else whilst on sick leave that would be fraud. It is up to her whether she is finding her life too stressful to cope with going to work. I would distance yourself from this as you seem overly invested.

Jesus op. If this is the kind of thing that keeps you awake at 4am maybe you should consider stress leave to give you time to work out why you’re so damn bothered by this.

Jealousy is an ugly trait OP.

How does her having time off for whatever reason affect your life? None whatsoever yes?
Carry on with your business and stay out of others.

If that’s considered fair, I should change my thinking and plan my life too accordingly.

Hmmm, yes. You should now plan your life to experience an enormous amount of stress, make it good, so that it takes you right into a breakdown. Don't do things by halves. All to potentially gain, what in the scheme of things would be a limited amount of time off work on stress leave. That's entirely rationale ...........

To be honest I think you have far greater problems than your jealously. No one has intimidated or abused you. You asked AIBU? Everyone has just pointed out that you are being an absolute dick regarding this.

Why aren’t stressed out teachers getting so much stress leave then? Stressed out actuaries (me)?

Is it patient safety thing? If she chooses to have a house full of guests or sit her child to 11plus, she can screw someone’s life due to that. So they’d rather pay her to sit at home than risk someone’s life? (Any day!!!). What worse can I do even if I’m 10x stressed? Put wrong numbers on a spreadsheet? Or send a wrong document over to my boss? Or miss a regulatory deadline.

Bang on from NHSs point of view. But from a moral stand point, it’s amusing!

You'd really go to the bother to report someone? You don't know how her life is playing out and tbh it's none of your business. Seems really nasty to me.

Report to who?

Teachers should get stress leave. The reality is, they plough on until they burn out and are sometimes burned for years afterwards and never return to the profession

Can't comment on actuaries. Wouldn't presume to

Your problem sounds like it's you. If you are stressed take steps to deal with it

Fair enough if you don't like the woman. But coming on here trying to make some wider point is likely to annoy people, as you have seen

The 11 plus seems to figure quite highly in all this

Whistle-blowing? Haha-You need to look at the disclosures that are
considered!

Criminal offence -"I think its criminal that someone I know has been signed off sick with stress but is using her leave to relax" (might work)

Breach of any legal obligation- " I think my friend has a legal obligation to continue working herself into the ground" (I'm sure this will learn em)

A miscarriage of justice- "It's unfair that this person I know has got sick leave- and I have to work 2 jobs" (not quite up there with Derek Bentley but you never know)

Damage to the environment- hmm tricky- " Her family will be flying over from the USA causing pollution" (a stretch unlike the others which are perfectly valid -admittedly)

Danger of the health or safety of any individual- "The NHS is going to collapse because of her sick leave which may be a danger to a patient" (They will take this one very seriously)

Good luck with your disclosure. Let us know how you get on. You'll be an inspiration to those that risk a lot to whistle-blow on practices that are actually in the Public Interest. (although I am sure that this post will generate a lot of interest on here I don't think that is what in the public interest means- I could be wrong though)
Failing that you can contact the Papers.

If I were you OP I’d skip the stress leave and go straight to sectioning.

“I refuse to be intimidated”!! 😂

Bonkers. Why do you give a fuck anyway? You know nothing of what goes on behind closed doors with this woman.

Plenty of teachers are signed off work due to stress. Plenty of teachers should be off work but don't feel like they can as they will be letting the kids down. My DHs colleague (a teacher) committed suicide recently due to stress and mental health issues and was not off sick at the time. It is very naive to sat she is stressed because her brother is visiting. She may have witnessed a patient die, or treated a victim of abuse. Your attitude seems based on the assumption she is getting extra annual leave.

I was signed off work with stress once. It was work that stressed me out however I suffer with anxiety which made me unable to cope.

I don't remember how I spent that time - it precipitated a full breakdown. But yeah I was just looking for free holiday time

There is always going to be some twat who thinks you are skiving - hey ho

"What worse can I do even if I’m 10x stressed? Put wrong numbers on a spreadsheet? Or send a wrong document over to my boss? Or miss a regulatory deadline"

You are SO right- The above won't have an any impact because lets face it - it's guesswork and mainly BS.

However a doctor that is stressed might just have a teeny tiny impact on their patients.....

You're a bloody charmer OP. Hope your house is in complete order with how you're speaking about this woman.

I've had friends who've been signed off from NHS work due to stress, usually after they'd been involved with something traumatic on the wards and it had shaken them. They wouldn't go telling all and sundry though because 1. legal issues and 2. they wouldn't get it. The GP however would get the whole story.

I see an article in the Daily Fail soon: NHS employees faking stress to lazy around on sick leave. How taxpayers are funding the lavish lifestyle of health workers.

You've not heard how much stress NHS doctors are under OP? Friend of ours made major lifestyle changes but kept practising in a different area, different set up. Poor guy was still stressed due to the pressure he was under. I won't say more but I think the suggestion this woman is playing the system somehow is nasty and completely lacking in understanding.

YABU
Different people react to the same pressure /series of events in different ways. One person may experience it as a minor challenge and easily overcome it. A second may find it a tough challenge, have a few highly pressured weeks and, again, overcome it. A third may experience medical stress (very different to the day-to-day overuse / misuse of the word "stress"). Medical stress often, not always, requires several weeks or months off work to deal with the issues and regain good health levels. During such time, the patent needs to regain balance which will involve leaving the house, doing normal enjoyable activities. They may not "look" ill. They would be unwise to confine themself to the house.
It sounds like you don't fully understand their situation or the significant difference between pressure and medical stress. Please think about how you would like you or a close friend, colleague or family member to be treated if/when they experience medical stress, and extend the same kindness to the current situation.

Disclaimer: I have no medical etc qualifications. I do have other relevant insights.

Right, so help me understand this stress leave thing better please?

Seriously? You need an explanation of what "stress leave" is. Hint, it's in the words.

You're obviously hell bent on reporting this person, so coming on here to seek validation is pointless. No amount of reasoning with you is going to make any difference.

Who will you go after next? Benefits scammers? Shoplifters? There's always going to be someone out there who you are convinced, in your ultimate wisdom, is playing the system.

Fine, off you jog.