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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this woman is using stress leave for chilling out?

284 replies

Skylight23 · 25/05/2018 03:48

Not a friend, I know her quite well because her DS and mine have been friends for a long time. She is a doctor with NHS and her DH has a city job.
She has been on and off on stress leave for a few weeks. Her younger DS is doing 11plus this year and her brother’s family is visiting them for 2weeks (from USA). She told me the other day that she is struggling to manage everything and she might go to the GP and cry to get some time off. She has been shopping, spending time with her brother’s family. Also hot housing the younger one with tutors. She can’t take him to this particular tutor if she works (tuition 4pm to 6pm). So much for being stressed! She isn’t stressed. She just has soo many other things that she wants to do, that work is coming in the way! I won’t be surprised if she gets stressed again in August (school holidays, summer days on the beach, 11plus, childcare costs). She always hated the fact that she has to work (in debt to eyeballs). She gets really pissed about her DH not making enough for the lifestyle they want. Makes jealous comments about SAHMs at school.

AIBU to want to report her? I must admit I’m jealous. I too wanted time off when DS was doing 11plus, I too wanted paid time off when my family visited (without having to use my holiday entitlement), I too want time to generally chill out. But my conscience won’t permit this “crying at the GP” thing.

OP posts:
QuackPorridgeBacon · 26/05/2018 20:19

Cheeseislife I wasn’t clear, I meant jobs in general really. Point is stress comes in many forms and if it affects work it’s safer to be off. Her GP has signed her off so not sure what the op could do anyway. Who would she even report her to?

mogonfoxnight · 26/05/2018 21:15

meandthem this thread is about an individual, not about the cultural problem within the NHS, though. Its a bit like saying you should be suspicious of anyone claiming benefits just because some people claim benefits fraudulently. Not all doctors will abuse the system. The OP doesn't know (from what she has written here) what the situation really is with this woman.

I think it is best to give people you don't know and you don't have responsibility for the benefit of the doubt, or if you must challenge them to their face, not make assumptions and then potentially humiliate them online.

If the concern is the general culture there are better ways of highlighting the problem than making complaints (or starting threads) about individuals.

I can imagine you are totally right about the culture. I did some work with a LA a while ago and the same culture existed there. Employees went on stress leave if their line manager gave them brief constructive criticism about a mistake they had made. My firm was a world away in terms of culture - there were reasonable expectations, in line with employment law, and we had a really strong HR department who dealt with issues quickly, supporting staff fairly, making it a lot easier for line managers to manage and staff to do their jobs.

EdWinchester · 26/05/2018 21:19

Why not stop meddling. Does it affect you?

You sound a bit fixated. You'd be happier if you let it go.

MartagonLilies · 26/05/2018 21:22

Isn't that what stress leave is for OP? Chilling out? Confused

Accountant222 · 26/05/2018 21:36

God almighty what has it got to do with you, stop policing her.

whogivesafeck · 26/05/2018 21:55

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS STRESS LEAVE!!! can we please stop calling it that now?!

TarragonChicken · 26/05/2018 23:52

whogivesafeck
My thoughts exactly! It's sick leave. The cause is by the by.

mogonfoxnight · 27/05/2018 10:02

I referred to people taking stress leave too flippantly, sorry, it would have been sick leave for reasons of stress caused by bullying and whether or not the culture existed, the work environment looked as though it was incredibly stressful. Poor work conditions, unrealistic expectations, no proper training or support, no consistent management. With additional stress piled on, things which someone might normally cope fine with would become more difficult to deal with. I agree with people saying that if people are allowed to deal with too high stress levels as soon as it starts to be a problem for them then more serious mh problems with all the consequences can be avoided. So if there is a culture in the nhs of taking sick leave when not sick, it is no doubt part of a bigger problem.

But anyway not the point re the OP which is about an individual and U.

RestingBitchFaced · 27/05/2018 10:44

Im not a bitch, she is

No you are! You sound jealous

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