To think this woman is using stress leave for chilling out?

[Skylight23]

Not a friend, I know her quite well because her DS and mine have been friends for a long time. She is a doctor with NHS and her DH has a city job.
She has been on and off on stress leave for a few weeks. Her younger DS is doing 11plus this year and her brother’s family is visiting them for 2weeks (from USA). She told me the other day that she is struggling to manage everything and she might go to the GP and cry to get some time off. She has been shopping, spending time with her brother’s family. Also hot housing the younger one with tutors. She can’t take him to this particular tutor if she works (tuition 4pm to 6pm). So much for being stressed! She isn’t stressed. She just has soo many other things that she wants to do, that work is coming in the way! I won’t be surprised if she gets stressed again in August (school holidays, summer days on the beach, 11plus, childcare costs). She always hated the fact that she has to work (in debt to eyeballs). She gets really pissed about her DH not making enough for the lifestyle they want. Makes jealous comments about SAHMs at school.

AIBU to want to report her? I must admit I’m jealous. I too wanted time off when DS was doing 11plus, I too wanted paid time off when my family visited (without having to use my holiday entitlement), I too want time to generally chill out. But my conscience won’t permit this “crying at the GP” thing.

You cannot be that stressed and busy if you can take so much time to argue with strangers on the internet!
Ditto in that case to all the posters slagging off OP while claiming MH issues themselves....

OP, this is very identifying. If you’re going to start a thread where you completely slag another woman off and then tell us your own occupation, I hope you’re prepared to live with any fallout, because this is your children’s friends’ parent.

Nah, I don't even know what children's friends parents do. Plus this woman is not a friend of the OP. We are also assuming this stressed doctor is on mn. A bit of a stretch

EVEN if this woman the OP refers to isn't genuinely sick with stress and took sick leave under false pretences, what is it to other people?! It'll be deducted from her sickness leave, when she hits a threshold her pay will suffer, it may harm her career prospects etc etc. Why would this matter to a random acquaintance? The fact that it does to the OP , and she wants to "report" it (yeah, good luck with that btw) says an awful lot more about her and her own life than it does about anyone else.

I've had a about 14 weeks signed off this year I had a miscarriage and my dad died after a very short battle with cancer I've had to plan the whole funeral too. Not many people knew what was happening in my life. I've been shopping been for meals and I'm going on holiday next week to try feel normal and keep some sanity. Don't judge you have no idea what's going on. Count yourself lucky and if she is faking it, not your problem.

I haven't RTFT but I'd like to say YABU and also tell you to get a fucking grip.

You really, really, really need to get a grip OP. There is something very wrong with you to be so over invested in someone else’s life.

And who on earth are you going to report her to?

Isn't that what stress leave is for? To chill out?

ditto, xLeanne128. But I took 3 days off and one had to be taken as annual leave.

Are you sure you are not stressed yourself?

You certainly don't sound calm, happy and at peace with your lot either...

Perhaps your friend has been flippant in how she has described things to you.
It could be she is really struggling but dies not want to come across as weak so is playing it down.

Either support her or leave her alone

I think you should ask your doctor about arsehole leave.

It sounds like the Ops view is that stress leave should be for work induced stress where it is outside the persons control to change the contributing factors, and that someone should not be eligible for stress leave when stressed about personal choices that are able to be controlled or changed to mitigate the stress

I see the perspective and think some posters here have been truly vile

Unfortunately I don't believe qualification for stress leave is based on what factors led to stress, merely that you are stressed

I also don't believe you ever truly know what's going on in Someone else's life so can't know all factors that led to her stress

As pp said, live life with kindness and trust that life will usually catch up with those who abuse the system (with no comment on whether the person in question is abusing leave)

Amazed that so many people think the gp made a thorough assessment of this lady's mental health. In all probability, it was a rushed 10min appt, dr-a-dr, where the lady in question could easily have mentioned the right things and the gp would have had little way of proving if one way or another.
But as pp's said, you can't take stress leave repeatedly without repercussions on your job, even in the current climate.

You can go off with stress for a few weeks by just saying you are stressed but to be off long term it takes a bit more like that and I’m sure most GP’s become aware when it seems like the person is fine and taking the piss.

It really isn't as easy as going and crying. My mum and I both were signed off with stress last year, we both felt sick going to the doctor and my doctor gave me two weeks with the promise of 2 more if needed. Her doctor gave her 1 week and said should be totally sufficient. The shit that led to this stress was not going to go away and was extremely serious and acute yet she only had one week despite being genuinely distressed. It really is not easy to get signed off.

Haven't read past first three pages but I'm horrified by the responses! Why are people defending this woman?? She is playing the system and is absolutely in the wrong. She is pulling a massive sickie because she wants to do other things.
Not everyone on stress leave is milking it by any means, but the evidence clearly suggests this one is. I have been on stress leave and felt terribly guilty about even doing things that were essential like food shopping.
I don't know what to suggest you do OP, if anything, but hopefully karma will bite her on the butt

op calm down, your jealousy is starting to
Show... you aren’t friends with the woman so can’t possibly know what’s going on in her life. And if she is playing the system so what? She works a stressful job and not being off with stress could result in someone not being dealt with properly. Grow up.

She is playing the system and is absolutely in the wrong. She is pulling a massive sickie because she wants to do other things.

How do you know this?

Stress leave seems an odd description. Surely she's off sick with stress. I've never heard it described as 'leave'

You sound like you enjoy feeling like you're better than her.

So she says she's stressed. From your post it sounds like she is! So, a certified medical professional will allow her time off and hopefully she'll get herself sorted out and maybe find someone less vindictive to hang out with

You clearly enjoy managing your life wonderfully and then bragging about it, but people deal with things in different ways. Even if your lives are exactly the same, she may be coping less well - and, quite frankly, you don't know that your lives are exactly the same. She could be going through hell right now.

My advice to you would be to find a hobby. It will give you less time to worry about other people, and maybe some joy. I can't imagine someone who spends so much time thinking about how she's better than a friend of her child's is very happy!

Religion sickens me at time. Things like this, being done in the name of God.

*times

Sorry wrong thread Damn phone.

Report her to who and for what?

You sound jealous and unpleasant. She works for the NHS which is likely a very stressful and tiring job. It may be the stress is getting to her / who are you to say if it is or isn't?

And being signed off for stress doesn't mean you have to be housebound.