To think this woman is using stress leave for chilling out?

[Skylight23]

Not a friend, I know her quite well because her DS and mine have been friends for a long time. She is a doctor with NHS and her DH has a city job.
She has been on and off on stress leave for a few weeks. Her younger DS is doing 11plus this year and her brother’s family is visiting them for 2weeks (from USA). She told me the other day that she is struggling to manage everything and she might go to the GP and cry to get some time off. She has been shopping, spending time with her brother’s family. Also hot housing the younger one with tutors. She can’t take him to this particular tutor if she works (tuition 4pm to 6pm). So much for being stressed! She isn’t stressed. She just has soo many other things that she wants to do, that work is coming in the way! I won’t be surprised if she gets stressed again in August (school holidays, summer days on the beach, 11plus, childcare costs). She always hated the fact that she has to work (in debt to eyeballs). She gets really pissed about her DH not making enough for the lifestyle they want. Makes jealous comments about SAHMs at school.

AIBU to want to report her? I must admit I’m jealous. I too wanted time off when DS was doing 11plus, I too wanted paid time off when my family visited (without having to use my holiday entitlement), I too want time to generally chill out. But my conscience won’t permit this “crying at the GP” thing.

I think you should ask your doctor about arsehole leave.

Tbf people DO exist who do this kind of thing, especially in large organizations like the NHS. However, not much you can do about it. If it grinds your gears avoid her.

Disagreeing with you =/='abuse'.

Report her asap.
pirc.scot/news/archive/new-research-paves-the-way-for-different-approach-to-querulous-complainers/

BUT if she's not functioning well you wouldn't want her at work as a doctor

The title of this thread is hilarious. Of course she's using stress leave to chill out, standard protocol, I would have thought.

The simplest answer here is some people manage stress better than others.

I get stressed, sometimes I don't sleep or eat because of it but I wouldn't ever take 'stress leave' or time off work because in all honesty I can't afford it and I can push through the stress.

Some people can't, and it's quite frankly none of your business. Stress affects us all in different ways and some people genuinely need time away from their work before they collapse under the pressure of it.

You do sound like a dick, btw.

You aren't friends with her, how can you know the state of her mental health? Or what's happening behind closed doors?

Oh, right. YOU DON'T.

The crux of it is OP that it really is none of your business.

What @hoppingpavlova said. Make sure that you include comments like "I know this isn’t about stress, because she moaned about how little holiday NHS gives just weeks ago" and "I’m not a bitch. She is! She clearly wanted time off, but didn’t have any holiday left. So crying at the GP thing works. She works for the NHS, so she knows how to play the system." because they will definitely strengthen your case.

And please copy her in to the complaint so that she is aware of your thoughts on her life.

www.theweek.co.uk/nhs/92114/nearly-40-of-nhs-staff-sick-with-stress

Here you go OP-
Statistics are your bag. This should make you feel better.

Just because she has said to you she is fine doesn't mean she is fine. To my child's friends, work colleagues and acquaintances I may say I'm fine but the reality may be that I am struggling to cope.

Last year, just after I had returned to work after maternity leave I had a very traumatic miscarriage and was signed off work for 2 weeks. Unfortunately we had already planned our wedding, which fell on the Saturday after the 2 weeks off. We went ahead as it was small and very important to us. I'm fairly sure though that some work colleagues who didn't know what had happened to me medically, only that I was off, maybe thought I was 'playing the system'. Luckily I have nice colleagues who have never questioned to my face and have been unfailingly nice and polite. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and as for moaning that she is spending time with her brother - when I've been ill or stressed then I have been so thankful for my sister and close friends who have visited and lifted my spirits no end.

It's not fucking stress leave - it's sickness absence and reason will be stress (you guess, you can't know for sure). The NHS has an absence policy, your "friend" will be included in that - what the fuck is the big deal?! She won't be getting any extra sickness absence due to this stress?!

I honestly think OP that you should seriously, seriously, stop being so invested in how others lead their lives. I guarantee your own life will be better for it.

YABVU leave her alone. It has nothing to do with you you barely even know her! And yet you are saying you know better than those who have signed her off... !

It doesn't help that you're calling it 'stress leave' as if it's some sort of additional holiday entitlement. She's signed off sick. As a doctor I would think you're 'friend' would know how her mental heath is- far better than you would. This archaic approach to mental health is the reason so many don't seek help. I'm guessing she should just pull herself together, get a grip and keep her chin up too?

Here are a few thoughts on what you think it's effectively "cheat leave", e.g. stress leave.

I work for a large corporate, and there is definitely a stigma on stress leave, as there is in many organisations. Any sick leave is monitored by HR and plans are immediately put in place to return you back to work with systems to help you cope. If you have more than a certain amount of sick leave in total over a year you only get paid statutory minimum, I am sure this is true in most organisations, so it's not as simple as you describe.

I have been stressed a lot due to home circumstances at times but haven't been able to to go the GP and have a break to get back on my feet due to the stigma I saw attached to people going off on stress leave. It is in many cases career affecting.

Those who have really struggle, I have never seen anyone use it as a simple way out to get some time off. I really haven't.

I think you sound bitter, maybe you need to reconsider some of your own issues here. Please leave well alone.

What the hell has it got to do with you anyway ?
I don't believe a word of your post anyway.You are just trying to provoke a reaction for some unknown reason !!

OP should find out if her work offers Bitch Leave for when you need a break a break from being a decent human being.

she might go to the GP and cry to get some time off.

Tbh this is the kind of glib thing I'd have said while blinking back tear at the peak of my meltdown.

I used to refer to my counselling sessions as "getting to talk about myself for an hour" in a jokey way.

lmgtfy.com/?q=mental+health+stigma

Who would you report her to? The sickie police?
Concentrate on your own life. She is doing what is advised for being signed off with stress. Also she will down play it as the finer details are no one else's business. You're not very kind.

Why the hell would ANYONE get stressed about their child taking 11+.

God help you when it comes to GCSEs and exams that actually matter.

YABVU btw.

The calling it ‘ stress leave ‘ is bugging me like it’s an additional leave for when you can’t be arsed , the woman has probably been diagnosed with a mental illness .

I'm completely missing the point of the thread here but I truly believe that if a child needs to be tutored to high heaven and everyone is getting stressed out about 11+ exams then the child should NOT be doing them and shouldn't be hothoused for Grammar school or whatever as if they can't cope with the tests to get in then they will struggle in that setting for the whole of their secondary educational lives!!

That was a hugely long sentence. Apologies. Backs out of thread

Unless you know for sure she has 'done a deal' with her GP to provide a fake sick note (and yes, this can happen and yes, I've known people who have done it) then mind your own business.

Of course someone you barely know is going to give you the ins and outs of her mental health. You’re absolutely right to make your unfounded, based in jealousy, complaint, you absolute delight.