Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

[strawberryperogi]

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

Miggeldy, couldn't agree more

So all response to this thread should have been:

‘It’s none of my business what others do and I respect their choices.’

And if not, the posters are nosy and judgmental?

Does that go for all threads on here?

You don't have to respect anyones choices and you can talk about whatever you like. Just don't pretend you're not being nosy and judgemental. AIBU might as well be renamed "nosy and judgemental"!

I’ve sometimes “not worked” due to just saving up and I dont drive and have low basic costs (makes me sound like a cheerless weirdo but really it suits me!)

when I bought my flat, I went for one I could get with a mortgage of less. And I have a lodger. And up north too

It’s an “up and coming area”, but works for me.

Close to the city centre so I can be seeing art in 14 minute walk and regularly see new exhibitions, go the opera, yoga almost daily.

Interestingly, the guy I’m dating (who DOESNT support me financially) has similar views to money - he’s on six figures, but is childfree by choice and bought a “nice one bedroom flat” rather than have the heavily mortgaged house in the suburbs and children. He isn’t a spendthrift but likes getting away camping st weekends, that kind of thing. He can easily retire early.

He’d marry me if I wanted, but I can’t see the advantages.

I want to do a PhD and mortgage should be cleared in my 40s easily even if I work part time . I’d love to travel but think the phd would be more fun.

I’ve frequently been “advised” by older women that I should get a flat in the posh end of town, where the mortgage would be massive?

Or been told that I’m living some second rate lifestyle and I’m a “sad spinster” whose man doesn’t want to impregnate her and move to the suburbs? (I’m childfree by choice)

Or who get all sniffy and start telling me about all the jobs I “should” be applying for at their cousins shop or whatever (hinting I’m on benefits) as if I’m spending my free time selling drugs to infants or something

Am I meant to fight fire with fire and point out that being stupid enough to get up the duff with Andy from night shift in your first job probably means they have higher living costs than me?

And these are the same women who complain because they feel they’re stuck in low status jobs at 55, doing all the Wifework for equally low earning husbands and subbing children. It’s all the “fault” of posh
women and women who don’t work, though.

I try not to be competitive, but secretly feel they’ve earned their shit lives with their revolting controlling attitudes

Moral of story: people are goady fuckers, do what works best for you and your finances.

"Curious and inquisitive about peoples private arrangements is nosy. "

So there should be no Mumsnet, no documentaries, no magazines, soap operas and novels, because they're all about other people's private lives.

Who said there shouldn't be? Not I. Just be honest about it.

BTW soap operas and novels are fiction. They're not about other peoples private lives. It helps if you can tell the difference between real peoples lives and made up peoples lives if you want your view on what is nosy or not to be taken seriously!

Curious and inquisitive about peoples private arrangements is nosy NO
liberal progressive society treads into private arrangementsma,I gotta the public private
And if need be legislates to protect individuals in unsatisfactory private arrangements
Not so long ago coercive behaviour wasn’t a crime it was private in a relationship
Physical chastisement of children was common until legislative changes
Fortunately the legislature changed that too
So actually it’s a weak argument to say it’s nosy to have an interest in things others do. It’s not nosy, it is inquisitive and at times necessary

And the plethora of books,reality tv,documentaries really do demonstrate the interest people take in topics that aren’t directly applicable to themselves.

Curious and inquisitive about peoples private arrangements is nosy NO
liberal progressive society treads into private arrangements making the public private

None of that actually makes much sense but I'm pretty sure you're just advocating for state sponsered nosiness to make your own seem better. Nobody needs legislation to cover whether women work or not, its not a public interest matter.

chill. We all do it, just quit dressing it up as something it isn't. You're fooling no-one.

Again miggeldy you continue to demonstrate flawed logic
if we apply your logic that private is private,and people commenting on situations are nosy.
then the mn premise is flawed.according to you every thread should end as not my business

I think I come on these threads because it's fascinating to read that some people would see my life as unusual or remarkable in any way - or compare it to prostitution! Also, I was never aware that married couples have separate monies until I came on MN. Sometimes I seriously question if I'm in a parallel universe! .

No I don't, you merely have not understood it. Some things are more peoples business than other things, but a lot of stuff on AIBU is definitely not your business.
You can have all the opinions you want, you can talk about them all you want, you can judge away. You can post on here about other peoples lives all day long, you probably do. But the point is just stop pretending its anything other than nosiness and judging. It's not a public interest debate. You;re not that important. Its bored women judging and having opinions about stuff that is really none of their business. You know it, I know it, we all know it.

Fortunately, I have a wide and diverse set of friends so no big surprise about seperate monies
Frankly I’m surprised someone hasn’t came across the many ways couples manage finances
It’s only a parallel universe if you have limited experiences. Perhaps limited by class,demographics,or choice

Perhaps she's just not as nosy so never asked her friends about their finances.

It’s bored women judging and having opinions about stuff that is really none of their business
if you wish to label yourself a bored judgemental woman by all means do
Gosh let’s not let women engage in judging and having opinions about stuff
Who knows were that will end..

Who said lets not let them? I specifically said you can do as you like.

Helps to read the posts before you answer them, I find. Funny how curious and inquisitive you say you are yet can't get through a whole three lines.....

I’d be bored as fuck being a sahm now as my kids are teens and I don’t need to be at home. I work 4 days a week and I’m home pretty much just after they get home from school.
I’m not the type of mum to do gym/coffee/lunches every day but I suppose if you didn’t need to work financially and your social group was one of ladies who lunch, then good luck to you. No harm in it, but to me it sounds tedious.
To clarify I have been a sahm but as soon as my youngest started reception I found a p/t job. I also meet friends for coffee on my day off but not every week.

I don't think its anyone else's business really what other people do. I wouldn't make a judgment either way.

Nandos - Namaste

Oh what fun I've missed

Agree with Witty Jack

I have read this often hilarious thread and I think Lipstick has been a model of witty restraint in the face on continual goading.

I am all for nosy, judgemental, interesting, involved and active women over lacklustre 'who cares?' types.

My mum is a SAHW. She worked part-time for my whole childhood, dad worked full-time. Then when she was in her early 50s she was made redundant. Their mortgage was paid off and Dad runs his own business which he loves and makes OK money from + military pension, the redundancy money went into savings. Their lifestyle is pretty good - holiday every year, usually in the U.K. but sometimes Europe and every few years a long-haul holiday. Both have cars, not flashy ones, but they're rarely used to be fair. And they own their own 3 bed home.

Mum did do voluntary work a few days a week and now has my DS 2 days while I'm at work.

I'm in my 30s, my parents are in their 50s and I think for lots of my friends their parents are in a similar situations.

Knain yes, both my mother & step mother retired in their 50s - lucky them! Mind you, my dad & my FIL had both retired by 60 - baby boomers, innit? I hope to retire at 60, so I am working hard now to achieve a comfortable long retirement.

Same TheNavigator! Every spare penny DH and I have goes into our mortgage or pension for that reason.

Just goes to show what was common just a generation or two ago can seem so unusual now.