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Original poster

Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

986 replies

strawberryperogi · 24/05/2018 17:10

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

OP posts:
Claredemoon · 24/05/2018 17:27

If they can afford not to work then they are freeing up the job market for someone who wants or needs one, aren't they? Also as someone else has said it's nobody else's business, smacks of jealousy all these bitter comments.

PratRocket · 24/05/2018 17:27

When I was ill I was a stay at home wife.

Well not really. If you were ill and financially able to do either through personal means or benefits even if you weren't married that's off ill. Your marital status is irrelevant.

Laston · 24/05/2018 17:28

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

harshbuttrue1980 · 24/05/2018 17:28

I'd think she was a vadge lodger if she was living off her husband. I wouldn't have much sympathy if the man packed her in for being lazy, and I wouldn't think she should be entitled to be kept for life after her divorce either. I'd also wonder if she was scared of life and responsibility, and if that was why she preferred to be a dependent rather than a contributor.

AaronPurrSir · 24/05/2018 17:29

When a woman comes onto MN complaining of her DH/DP who she supports fully as he doesn’t work, the overriding response is “why doesn’t he work, OP? He’s a cocklodger. LTB.”

Why is one ok and not the other? Smacks of sexism to me.

PurpleDaisies · 24/05/2018 17:29

if you were ill and financially able to do either through personal means or benefits even if you weren't married that's off ill.

I had no job. I stayed at home. It went on for years. No sick pay, no benefits, just sponging off my husband.

SharronNeedles · 24/05/2018 17:30

I would hate the with a burning passion (aka be incredibly jealous)

lemonsunshinecake · 24/05/2018 17:30

It's none of my business is what I'd think.

ScreamingValenta · 24/05/2018 17:31

I have no respect for a stay at home wife. That is basically prostitution imo!

I disagree. If the deal is that the wife does literally all the housework, cooking, gardening, organisation of home finances etc. while the husband is at work, it would mean that when he wasn't working they could both have the time completely at leisure.

Bluntness100 · 24/05/2018 17:31

I see no difference between stay and home wifes and sahm

To be fair I think there is a big difference, particularly when kids are pre school. Many women stay home because they simply can't afford to work and to be honest it can be fairly gruelling.

It's really not the same thing if you're just doing domestic stuff for your husband.

PratRocket · 24/05/2018 17:31

It's the idea of defining yourself as someone's person that they keep in the house. Very strange.

If you are a carer, that's what you do. Paid or unpaid.

If you're a stay at home parent, it's what you do.

If you are volunteer-unpaid, it's what you do.

But stay at home "married".

What is that?

AnyFucker · 24/05/2018 17:31

It's not for me as I would never make myself financially dependent on a man but it does free up employment for those who need it

CalF123 · 24/05/2018 17:32

I was a SAHM for 2 years and DH was a SAHD for 6 months. I think it can be a good arrangement for both parties, but I think there has to be a clearly defined list of roles and tasks for the SAHP.

IMO the role of a SAHP is to support the working parent. So, that includes doing all housework and chores, but also all cooking(during the week and at least 1 weekend day), work lunches etc.

I certainly don't think it's viable for the working parent to come home and be expected to pitch in with chores.

expatinscotland · 24/05/2018 17:32

I would say it's entirely their fucking business. My mother has been a SAHW since we left home, she is not a whore. How offensive!

pigmcpigface · 24/05/2018 17:32

"We are all different basically and should do what's right for us."

This.

And there can be all kinds of private, personal reasons why someone is economically inactive that are not shared, even with close friends/family.

ghostyslovesheets · 24/05/2018 17:32

what's my opinion - erm zilch, zero, nowt - why would I have an opinion on other peoples choices that have no impact on me or anyone else and harms no one

JacquesHammer · 24/05/2018 17:33

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children

Yes.

HTH

PratRocket · 24/05/2018 17:33

I had no job. I stayed at home. It went on for years. No sick pay, no benefits, just sponging off my husband.

If a person can't work because they are ill they're not sponging. I hope you don't call people who do get benefits "spongers".

If you could have worked then you weren't off work due to illness. Confused

AssassinatedBeauty · 24/05/2018 17:34

@AaronPurrSir men described as a cocklodger usually are not doing all the cooking, cleaning, etc. If they were then presumably their wives wouldn't be on MN complaining.

agnurse · 24/05/2018 17:34

My mom is a SAHW now that we kids are grown. But she's still very active in a lot of things. She does a lot of volunteer work for her church (women's organization, flowers, welcoming new people to the parish) and she takes cello lessons. She was a pianist and singer when she was growing up, and started taking cello as an adult. She and my dad also teach a course in scientific writing for non-native speakers of English, so they travel quite a bit to do that. They have gone to 4 different continents teaching, so far. She was a SAHM for almost 30 years prior to us growing up and leaving.

Bluntness100 · 24/05/2018 17:34

When a woman comes onto MN complaining of her DH/DP who she supports fully as he doesn’t work, the overriding response is “why doesn’t he work, OP? He’s a cocklodger. LTB.”

I would agree with this, there is absolutely no forgiveness or acceptance on here for a man who can work and doesn't and just lives off his wife.

However everyone is mainly polite when the genders are reversed.

Original poster
strawberryperogi · 24/05/2018 17:35

What an interesting range of opinions, especially the one about prostitution!

I am married and I have worked and not worked and I have no kids and not plans to have any.

Not working my time is filled with house stuff, cooking, exercise, reading, studying, learning a musical instrument, making clothes, baking, gardening, as well as arty hobbies. When I worked I basically went to work, ate and slept so I know which I find more interesting!

I'd take another job in future if I wanted to and saw one I liked but at the moment I am happy at home and my husband is happy with how things are and I have my own money anyway, well all the money is our money but lets just say I did contribute in the past.

I honestly think that a lot of jobs are going the way of the dodo and that SAHW's and SAHH's will be something we see more of in future so it is just interesting to see what people think.

I do find it strange that people could not respect a SAHW or be friends with them we don't all sit on our bums all day watching Jeremy Kyle, reading take a break and eating hob nobs, well ok maybe the hob nobs bit is true!

OP posts:
IHateToCashew · 24/05/2018 17:36

Most women in my road are SAHW. Not always through choice, but it's surprisingly common in the forces. I don't have any feelings towards it, it's none of my business, other than feeling really sorry for the ones who can't find work in their field due to being a trailing spouse in a small town with not much in commutable distance. I do think in these circumstances being away from family and friends, with no job, it can end up being really isolating.

But like I said, I don't really have an opinion as such. I wouldn't judge, each to their own and all that.

dailymailsucksbigtime · 24/05/2018 17:37

Why is one ok and not the other? Smacks of sexism to me.

I agree.

And some of the women I know who don't work (some, a minority, certainly not all) - and never have since starting relationship/marriage- it is very much a commercial arrangement- entered into with both parties in agreement. Some might call that a form of prostitution- but women throughout that ages have entered into similar agreements with men- security in return for sex.

I once had a highly entertaining meal in an intimate venue where the couple at the next table discussed in detail what the financial arrangement would be down to how many holidays a year and how often they would have sex and what agreements would be in place over any children.

PratRocket · 24/05/2018 17:37

men described as a cocklodger usually are not doing all the cooking, cleaning, etc. If they were then presumably their wives wouldn't be on MN complaining.

How much cooking and cleaning can you do for two people really? God I remember the days before we had kids when a ten minute wipe around the house kept it clean. Unless you're in a palace (and then probably have a cleaner) yo're not doing much to earn your keep are you?