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Original poster

Whats you opinion of "stay at home wives"

986 replies

strawberryperogi · 24/05/2018 17:10

After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?

Just curious!

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/05/2018 21:31

You’re some what vexed,and dish it out but get all touchy at any rebuke

spontaneousgiventime · 26/05/2018 21:33

Wrong again I'm afraid Lipstick. I'm not vexed at all. I have a very chilled life and a message board may piss me off now and again, but you truly are not worth getting uptight over.

Fintress · 26/05/2018 21:35

spontaneous Flowers, so sorry about your husband.

As a previous poster stated, none of us should have to justify anything, far less our life choices. I'm happy with mine and don't give a flying fuck about disparaging remarks some random strangers spout about that on the internet.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/05/2018 21:35

So why are you protesting your chilled demeanour so much...

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 26/05/2018 21:36

A stay at home mum? That's the hardest job in the world! I mind my grandsons two days a week, at the end of it I'm happy to go to work for a rest.

spontaneousgiventime · 26/05/2018 21:37

Fintress Thank you, and no, we shouldn't have to validate our choices, you're absolutely right.

Lipstick - Grin Grin Grin

boomboom12 · 26/05/2018 21:38

spontaneousgiventime So she was pt before & just stepped up to cover the small period her husband was out of work?

Without being facetious if your wealthy could you not have loaned her money?

spontaneousgiventime · 26/05/2018 21:41

boomboom12 She worked full time but set hours, she knew when her days off would be and it made life easier for her. When her husband was made redundant she asked for more hours to tide them over. I offered her money, she refused, I said that if it would make her feel better a loan, she still refused. I did and do send some money (I say it's to buy stuff for the children) that way it doesn't make her feel so bad.

boomboom12 · 26/05/2018 21:44

That’s fair enough & good for her. Just wondered that’s all.

bananafish81 · 26/05/2018 22:01

A stay at home mum? That's the hardest job in the world! I mind my grandsons two days a week, at the end of it I'm happy to go to work for a rest.

But the thread isn't about SAHM. It's about SAHW with no children / no children in the house

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/05/2018 22:04

Indeed it’s not a sahm thread

PurpleDaisies · 26/05/2018 22:14

A stay at home mum? That's the hardest job in the world!

There’s so much wrong with this statement that it’s hard to know where to start.

  1. His mum is likely to be at least twenty years younger than you
  2. It is easier looking after your own child than someone else’s.
  3. Not all children are the same.
  4. You seriously can’t think of another job that might be harder than looking after your own children? Seriously?
PurpleDaisies · 26/05/2018 22:14

And 5) that isn’t even what this thread is about.

pollymere · 26/05/2018 22:38

My dh needs a PA. I've given up work and taken on the role. I have a dd but I can understand that not all SAHW are idle!

Gwenhwyfar · 26/05/2018 23:22

"My dh needs a PA."

So his work recruits one?

"I've given up work and taken on the role."

So you do work? Confused here...

Gwenhwyfar · 26/05/2018 23:24

"It's about SAHW with no children / no children in the house"

I've never heard the term SAHW used before so this might be the reason for the confusion. A wife who stays at home to do housework is usually called a housewife.
A very rich one with servants would be a lady of leisure or charity worker or whatever she does.

bananafish81 · 27/05/2018 00:31

I've never heard the term SAHW used before so this might be the reason for the confusion. A wife who stays at home to do housework is usually called a housewife.

OP said pretty clearly that the thread was following on from other threads about SAHM to ask about opinions on SAHW

"After reading another thread about SAHMs I am curious about what people would say about SAHWs, I know you will all say it should just be unemployed but if the person isn't looking for a job then are they really in that catagory?

Could you respect or be friends with a woman who didn't work and earn or at least look after her children?"

And then further clarified

"To clairfy when I said SAHW I just meant woman who was choosing nt to work and who currently had no childcaring responsibilites so kids left home or childfree etc."

Housewife used to be a catch all term for women who didn't work. Women who stayed at home with their children were known as housewives

And as you'll see from the thread, a woman who chooses not to work but has no childcaring responsibilities may do far far more than the housework. It's about a woman who is 'economically inactive'.

OP was pretty clear about what SAHW meant for the avoidance of any doubt

Smallhorse · 27/05/2018 00:43

I don’t get it at all. Whatever sex the non working partner is.
How can the working one tolerate being sponged off ?

Smallhorse · 27/05/2018 00:45

I’ve been a sahm and several other jobs.
Sahm was hands down easiest.

Magpiesarehuge · 27/05/2018 01:57

“I don’t get it at all. Whatever sex the non working partner is.
How can the working one tolerate being sponged off ?“

Lol, my husband thinks I don’t spend enough!

TheClaws · 27/05/2018 02:04

I don’t get it at all. Whatever sex the non working partner is.
How can the working one tolerate being sponged off ?

“Sponged off” is offensive, particularly for someone in my position - permanently disabled and unable to work. You need to RTFT. Then you might start to understand.

Copperbonnet · 27/05/2018 05:26

How can the working one tolerate being sponged off ?

I dismantled my entire life, left my family, friends, job, my home to come half way round the world to further his career.

Not only does he not consider it “sponging” he’s incredibly grateful I was prepared to support him by putting his career first for a while in this way.

When we move back to the U.K. in the next couple of years I plan to return to work full time.

He’d be perfectly happy if I never worked again. Financially it’s not necessary and his life is considerably easier when I’m not working.

boomboom12 · 27/05/2018 06:48

For those who are SAHW’s when it has nothing to do with relocation or disability/illness & for those not near retirement age would the husbands not consider perhaps going pt as I assume there would be a significant financial buffer already in place.

MaisyPops · 27/05/2018 07:41

Copperbonnet
And if that works for you then that's absolutely fine. Each couple does what is right for them. (To me, that much moving etc is different to staying in one place and deciding not to work for 20 years. As many have said, not all SAHW have the 'ooh hobbies' perspective).

Although, part of me does feel a bit uneasy about the fact it's almost always women who give up opportunities to run the house because it makes it easier for their partner to push their dreams. You tend not to hear a husband say wife's career is very important so it makes sense that I stay at home & facilitate their career.

I was talking to DH about this thread and it seems him and i have very similar views in that nobody likes ti think divorce will happen, but anyone (male or female) is taking a huge gamble by putting themselves in a position where they close off avenues to financial independence.

Pa1oma · 27/05/2018 07:42

boom - I think if you are used to a husband who does his job within defined hours and then comes home and switches off (for the most part), it's probably hard to relate to what it's like being with a man who is consumed by his work all the time. Often they have never really been employed as such. There is no fixed salary and their money is self-created with them as the driving force. No fall-backs. So yes, they do get to a point where they could try and take a step-back, but a workaholic will struggle with this because the line between work and non-work is blurred for them and they don't know how else to exist.
They are highly successful but the demands of living with a man like this is not something every woman would cope with, I don't think. There can seem little space to carve out your own career in the midst of their agenda. I realise a lot of women won't relate to this kind of set-up and that's very understandable of course, but it's not as straightforward as "go part time" or how many hours you both work.